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Black Bloody Roses Captain
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 Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:03 pm
It is important to remember that we are here to roleplay and help each other out. If you need help with something, post it here and i'm sure your guild mates will respond. This is a way to improve your writing and get the input of others at the same time. DO NOT ABUSE YOUR POWER.
If it is not constructive, do NOT post it. Example of Constructive Criticism (not mine):It is essential to writing to know that a great writer does not put two words where he needs only one. Criticism He refused to go out into the world by himself, he wanted her to come. She absolutely refused to follow him. She did not understand why he needed her so much. She did not care much either. He did not understand why she would not come. He needed her to come. ____________________________________________________________________ "Maybe this will help."1. It is redundant.2. The sentence flow reeks.3. It runs around in circles.He refused to enter the world on his own, he wanted her to join him. She refused to follow as she did not understand his need for her. this was something he could not understand.
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Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 2:55 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 4:53 pm
tigernz *Rei watched from her high perch from among the trees as the wind whipped at her hair* "hmmmm" she mused to herself "when will my pack get back?" *Zulith flew up next to her mistress and pressed herself against Rei* " It is coming mistress" Zulith said apprehensively " I know" replied Rei, a touch sadly "I feel it in the air, the battle will soon come to this beautiful land." *they sat together for a while, watching the glorious sunset*
Okay... Just a few things.
1.) The way you used words to describe things was okay, but it doesn't seem to flow. Perhaps you should add a few more details and divide it into paragraphs so that it will be a little easier to understand.
2.) Part of literacy means that you shouldn't use colons or asterisks in your posts. Using those sorts of symbols is okay when goofing around in OoC threads or something, but not in actual threads. I'm not sure if your RP was literate or not, but it would be best not to use them. Those who use colons or asterisks are commonly looked down upon by more experienced RPers. I suggest trying to write it more like you were writing a book. Yes, I know it's a pain, but you'll get used to it.
3.) Your sentence structure doesn't seem to flow. You used good ways to describe, but it doesn't flow. For example:
tigernz Rei watched from her high perch from among the trees as the wind whipped at her hair.
It doesn't seem to flow. Also, it doesn't seem to catch the eye of your reader. Instead, try:
Eye-Catcher Rei peered down from her perch that resided high among the trees. The wind whipped around her, causing her hair to flail wildly in different directions.
See? It seems to catch the reader's eyes a bit more. But don't worry; it'll get better with practice.
4.) A major-major biggie in literate RP is to make absolute sure that you proofread your posts before posting them. You had several punctuation and capitalization errors. A typo here and there is okay, though. The most experienced of RPers have their oopsies.
All in all, it was a exceedingly good effort on the first post of the RP. Remember, though, don't take my criticism too seriously. I'm a major lit-freak. Practice makes perfect!
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:21 pm
Whoo, criticism. Gotta love it. Well, I have this story that I would like reviewed. HereThat is just the prologue, I have the first, second, and third chapters hidden away. If you like that, Ill post the other chapters. Oh, yeah, tell me anything you think I need to improve on.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 12:55 am
Shiro Yoshiyuki tigernz *Rei watched from her high perch from among the trees as the wind whipped at her hair* "hmmmm" she mused to herself "when will my pack get back?" *Zulith flew up next to her mistress and pressed herself against Rei* " It is coming mistress" Zulith said apprehensively " I know" replied Rei, a touch sadly "I feel it in the air, the battle will soon come to this beautiful land." *they sat together for a while, watching the glorious sunset*
Okay... Just a few things.
1.) The way you used words to describe things was okay, but it doesn't seem to flow. Perhaps you should add a few more details and divide it into paragraphs so that it will be a little easier to understand.
2.) Part of literacy means that you shouldn't use colons or asterisks in your posts. Using those sorts of symbols is okay when goofing around in OoC threads or something, but not in actual threads. I'm not sure if your RP was literate or not, but it would be best not to use them. Those who use colons or asterisks are commonly looked down upon by more experienced RPers. I suggest trying to write it more like you were writing a book. Yes, I know it's a pain, but you'll get used to it.
3.) Your sentence structure doesn't seem to flow. You used good ways to describe, but it doesn't flow. For example:
tigernz Rei watched from her high perch from among the trees as the wind whipped at her hair.
It doesn't seem to flow. Also, it doesn't seem to catch the eye of your reader. Instead, try:
Eye-Catcher Rei peered down from her perch that resided high among the trees. The wind whipped around her, causing her hair to flail wildly in different directions.
See? It seems to catch the reader's eyes a bit more. But don't worry; it'll get better with practice.
4.) A major-major biggie in literate RP is to make absolute sure that you proofread your posts before posting them. You had several punctuation and capitalization errors. A typo here and there is okay, though. The most experienced of RPers have their oopsies.
All in all, it was a exceedingly good effort on the first post of the RP. Remember, though, don't take my criticism too seriously. I'm a major lit-freak. Practice makes perfect!
Thankyou ^^ I really apprecite it. I've stopped using astericks now and it does look better. I'm stll not as good as I'd like to be but hey, practice makes perfect!
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