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 Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 1:32 pm
Last year in december a man wrecked in my driveway and died instantly. I did not see the car, lights on the car, or anything reflecting off the car until the next morning. I thought it was my fault that he died since I did not go further out in my driveway to investigate this trange noise.
Anyway it really messed me up.
I was feeling the worst I'd ever felt before and so I went to the dr. I told him everything that happened and then, since I have been on Paxil and other anti-depressent-anxiety-suppresent I asked nicely if he could give me perhaps a week supply or something. Just so I could get over the worst of my worries.
Truly, honest to god, that's all I wanted it for. Was to get over the worst of it happening. Well he went like bonkers and thought I was going to kill myself and held me 'hostage' at the place for an hour until this lady from some psych ward came. She asked me all these questions and I gave her the same answers I gave my dr, since I was telling the truth and all and did want to get better.
She asked on a level of 1 of not doing suicide to 10 being doing it I said I was at a five and that's why I wanted something to calm me down.
They diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and then sent me home without anything. Oh, they told me to surrender myself to the psych ward wich I knew wouldn't help me, would only make it worse.
Before any of this happened my Neurologist, not my dr but my Neurologist, had given me Valium for my breakdowns/anxiety/panic attack/partial focal seizures and really bad auras.
With a lot of time alone and a lot of rest, and with help from the Valium when I felt and aura kicking in, I got over it.
BUT!
A couple days ago I felt exactly like I did when he died and I have no clue why. I was happy one moment and then BOOM!
I suffered through it to see if it would just go away on it's own but eventually I did take a valium and about three shots of wine. I was out for a good while after that. yes I know that was a nono but I'm not a cutter or a suicidal person, I just needed realief right then, immediately. I was also alone at this time.
Could someone explain to me exactly what post traumatic stress disorder is and why, if it was just a one time thing, it came back to me like that for no reason?
All help would be appreciated and thank you for reading this if you did.
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 1:17 pm
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 5:03 pm
*sigh* I thought I had enough to deal with and I thought that I was over that...
Oh well...Valium to the rescue when it comes back neh
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:39 am
I find that some meditation and relaxation activities help me when I'm having my emotional interuptions.
The problem with the way that you're handling it, at least in my experience, is that you're covering up the symptoms but not dealing with the root of the problem. It seems to me like it would be a good idea to find a psychotherapist who you actually trust to work through some of these issues with... at least with mine, they really aren't going to go away on their own, and masking them with meds isn't going to help in the long run. Don't get me wrong, meds help... but not when nothing is being done to help you deal with the worry and the guilt in your own head.
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:36 pm
I'm not worried or guilty about it anymore.
I have no one to talk to and I am not going to a shrink of any kind. I have to go to those once every year and they treat me like s**t.
Screw that
But thanks for trying to help anyway, I appreciate it. That just isn't for me
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:52 am
DangerouslyCute88 I thought that I was over that... Yeah, that's what sucks about mental illness. It's not something that just gets "fixed." It's something that has to be managed over a lifetime. DangerouslyCute88 I am not going to a shrink of any kind. Hey, your treatment plan is up to you. After all, you're the one who has to deal with the consequences. I'm glad the Valium helps!
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