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Magic-M66

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 1:14 am


Today like any other day started as normal, wake up work, go to the job then work more there and come home.
Thats where it got interesting when the mocking flame of the candle in the bathroom dancing illuminating the walls with light flickering driving me down into the darker corners of my mind.
I found my self staring into the eyes of a young girl whom I my self have never met yet i felt as though I should know who she is.
Her voice was sweet and she moved as though she were the embodiment of the flame in the candle dancing on the counter moments ago.
As my thoughts wondered to the candle I discovered that i was there at the base of the jar staring up at the top.
Climbing up was fatiguing peering over the edge into the jar the flame was still there.
Looking around a mirror became the focus of my attention.
As i gazed upon the mirror it was not my image that i had perceived It was the young lady who was staring up at me with a quizzical expression.
I immediately look behind me as my instinct dictated but nothing.
My eyes fell back down on the looking glass only to find that in its place had been a dark void leading toward which ever direction i pointed it.
Curious I had placed it upon my head, from my reasoning that jumping down into it could be a tremendously stupid thing to do only to cause my death from what seemed like transfinite height.
Forgetting that logic was left behind in the shower before this lucid delusion, I was now floating away from the hole which had been covered in darkness due to my dropping it on the floor.
Only then did i think perhaps it would have been better to jump in and see whats coming with the light above instead of floating in a veil of lush velvety black where it was apparent that the presence of light was infinitesimal.
After floating for what seemed like hours I realized the girl i saw was the quintessential part of my self that I could never be.
The unspeakable horror that had befallen me next is my regaining my consciousness like it was being thrust in to my body from a stupendous fall ending as though reality bent to catch me there settling my view on the shower drain.

(Let me know what you think this is the first of my musing to ever be posted on a forum. Thank you for reading.)  
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:55 am


It needs work. More imagery, more direction.. It needs more body. More detail. It's very vague and I wasn't able to follow along with most of it.

The Gas Man Cometh


OldManOnTheMountain

PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 8:44 am


ah, I tend to partially agree with gasman, but vaguery can indeed be masterful. Were that to be the case, you need a slightly altered style to produce clean results.

Overall, your timesignatures of events and key interpretations was a little jagged, but the feeling was not the worse for it. it was a good musing.
PostPosted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:12 am


Thank you both. I love the input it only helps me make the next ones better.
Any suggestions are also appreciated to further my musings from the inside of my house to other locations.  

Magic-M66

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