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 Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:48 pm
I've had my anxiety come back lately and it's been off and on to the point of me just wanting to crying a little. I can't bring myself to do it. I don't let myself do it and I'm not sure I'm quite bad enough to do it.
I had one stupid e-mail that was kinda of offensive in my old yahoo account appear one day and I thought it could have been from my harasser, who hasn't appeared for months. This person appears every few months and does something small to me. He'll make a comment, he'll do something to make me paranoid that he'd hacked me(if he was going to he would have done thise a few years back. That's how long it's been going on, just not at all frequently.) Generally this person gets me paranoid over the smallest thing.
This person, quite some time ago, made fictionpress.com a not so fun place for me anymore, so I don't want to use that site anymore. Not only that when I think I want to start on my story again, I just get anxious over what he might do again.
Then there's this computer and it has me paranoid that it's going to die, but it never does and It's stupid, because we'd just have to fix it and I have all my stuff backed up, so what am I worried about.
It's just that these are little things and in my head I know that they're so minor that I should just let them slide off my back. I just want my rational side to take over completely for me. It'll probably take practice, but that sounds like what I need.
I think, too that there's some depression there, too that makes me want to cry. I told this to my councelor at group and asked if I could wait for my next appointment with the doctor and I said I think I could do ok till then, still I need this issue addressed to him that I've been like this.
Last time I told him that the increased Klonopin has helped with some anxiety attacks I've had. They've lessened down to once every hmmm... week and a half maybe. And most of the time even when I had them they were minor. They make me cough alot and almost dry heave.
This feeling of wanting to cry and this extra anxiety built onto what I've already had has been around for over a week now.
Anyways, sorry to make this so long, but I thought I'd put all my thoughts on this all together as much as I could.
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Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:09 pm
Yeah, it sounds like updating your doctor on the fact that things are changing would be a good idea. Until you talk to your doctor, it might be a good idea to take a vacation from the computer, since your current anxieties seem to all be revolving around computer and online activities.
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Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:23 pm
[Kudzu] Yeah, it sounds like updating your doctor on the fact that things are changing would be a good idea. Until you talk to your doctor, it might be a good idea to take a vacation from the computer, since your current anxieties seem to all be revolving around computer and online activities.
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Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 10:28 pm
*hugs* I know it's hard to get off the computer...I'm the same way, a lot of times, when I feel like my online friends care more than my RL ones do...But anyway, I'd say, try not to worry too much about your computer dying, or you being hacked, and think more about what you can do to prevent it. Like, you've backed up your files. That's really great. How about blocking that person from your email, so they can't contact you? How about changing your password so that they can't hack you?
And really, what's so bad about crying? It's a really good way to relieve stress and tension, and it may be just what you need when you're really anxious. Lock your room up, grab a box of tissues, and cry your bloody eyes out. It really does help, you know.
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Intellectual Elocutionist
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 8:02 am
Fortunately I know that it's actually quite difficult to get someone's password and hack your accounts unless they blatently give it to you, you scam them into giving it, or yousend them a key logger. So I'm really being irrational when I have these thoughts. Esepecially since, like I said, if he was going to or could have, he would have by now. Can't really block the person, because they used a different e-mail each time.
I let myself go online with others easier than I do irl, wish I could find some I could with my age.
I don't want to cry with my parents in the room for one, because they'll wonder what's wrong with me. But most of all right now I can't just do it for some reason. Maybe I need to try or something. I dunno. I feel like it, but I'm also not holding back either.
Most of my thoughts are irrational and that's what's leading me to this anxiety/depression.
*hugs*
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 12:48 pm
Darialan Love Kudzu Yeah, it sounds like updating your doctor on the fact that things are changing would be a good idea. Until you talk to your doctor, it might be a good idea to take a vacation from the computer, since your current anxieties seem to all be revolving around computer and online activities. I totally think you need to give it a try. Sometimes I get super paranoia surrounding the computer and online activities, and if I force myself to take a break for a while it does a world of difference. Maybe ask the people who live with you to help you resist, and then unplug the computer for a week.
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Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 4:01 pm
I don't know. I kinda feel like I gotta check my messages at least once a day....The anime fansubs I download can wait a week, i guess. Thing is I get anxious thinking about the computer if I'm not on it sometimes. I suppose that's all the more reason to limit my time on it. I don't know what I'm going to do with my spare time either. I can't just sit around and my mom has the tv in the evenings and they don't watch things I want to watch. I can't be bugging my brother to come over more than once a week. I don't know when he works anymore and he probably sleeps half the morning, too. I should find out when my other friend (not just my brother's roommate) is home. I don't get to see him much, so I don't know when I can get over there.
Having a job certainly would limit my time on the computer, but of course I'm still in the looking process and have to wait on that. I'm eager to start, but there's another problem with that that I have to talk to my doctor about. The coughing almost till I want to heave comes and goes and that may not be a good thing in the work place and I'm sure this coughing thing is coming from anxiety.
And I think I'm rambling, now, so I'll stop right there.
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