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 Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:45 pm
Hello~~ Here's my crit~
First off... I found it a little hard to read, with it being gray and all, but I'm as blind as a bat in daylight, so that might just be me. >w< Don't worry about it too much.
Needles as weapons. Good Lord, Find a person with Trypanophobia and you'll have a party! XD I can't wait to see them in battle~
Baking seems to be popular as a hobby (just mentioning it). I love the idea of her dancing though. ... DANCING FLYING NEEDLES = epic win.
As a person, she seems like a pearl trapped within a clam, her being the pearl, and the clam being her family's views. But That's what you're going for, and I think it fits well. This is just me, but I personally hate the "whole family constricts what I do" thing. GO LESTARI FOR FLIPPING THEM OFF AND GOING ON YOUR OWN (hopefully)
Over all, I like it. I really didn't find any major flaws, except ones that just go with my personal tastes. >w< Good luck, Hope you get approved soon~
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Posted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:51 pm
It's actually not suppose to be that color XD
It's suppose to be a darker grey!
I have -no- idea why it turned out like that x.x
I think I'll try a different color to see.
But when I initially did it, it wouldn't bend to my willll! XD
Haha!! XD
Yes, I`m actually thinking of changing it to Confectionery :3 Which would suit her sweet tooth much better.
Yup, that`s what I wanted biggrin And yes she will be flipping them off XD And then major drama between family members and a divorce XD
Thanks for the crit :3
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 2:27 pm
I love the fact that she's Javanese; it's original and quirky, and I find the concept of not having last names very interesting.
Just a quick note on her appearance - I absolutely love the idea of monochromatic scales with her black hair. Just be careful of the yellow-ish skin idea, only because if it's TOO yellow it could come out looking somewhat bumblebee-ish. But overall her appearance is great, and I like that you've given enough leeway to allow artistic freedom, while still maintaining certain aspects of her character.
Her personality is well-rounded and well-written. I like how many of her traits could be taken both as positive attributes and flaws at the same time, such as her obedience, which is something that could be used against her. It would be interesting to see how that would play out in battle with others. Would she obey a member of the opposite Alliance if they told her to leave or to get out?
I find using acupuncture needles as her weapon to be very intriguing. It's an unusual weapon, and not a particularly lethal one, persay, but combined with her magic type, it could prove to be very painful indeed. I rather like that she has to work harder with her weapon; makes her more unique and more human. However, a quick note - be very, very careful when using this idea of Seal Forming Magic. Although it allows for more powerful and different attacks, it is a very delicate magic that should not be abused. Make sure that you aren't god-moding when you work on this - I know you wouldn't, but most god-moding is unintentional, so just be careful of this. =)
Her hobbies are nice and simple - which is a good thing. It goes along with her upbringing and history, which is also very well-written. Her family is nicely done as well, and I liked the reasoning for her deciding to join the Legion side behind her mother's back.
With regard to her obedience and her mother, if her mother asked her to leave the Legion and return to the Noble side, would she do it?
Overall, a very nice job. Just look over the things I've mentioned, and you should be good to go. =)
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 2:36 pm
OMG THANK YOU KURO <3 <3 <3
I was also iffy on that part. I think I may just ask for to be pale, but not overly white as chalk pale >.>
I don't think she'd leave, I should have mentioned that it would only probably be her friends.
I'll make sure to watch out for that thanks ^.^
Oh god she would have a mental break down if her mother asked her that XD However, as I mentioned in my Q & A there will be some point where she is going to turn her back to her mother, and just say FU!
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:20 pm
Hurray! Accepted.
Just a suggestion on skin tone. If you go with a subdued, champagne color and steer away from sunny bright yellows she shouldn't come out bumble bee ish.
I think perhaps some might be lost by just going with a pale skin tone.
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:40 pm
You think so? :O
Maybe I'll go with that.
As long as she doesn't look like a bumblebee Dx
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:52 pm
I do. If you want, when I get on my lap top, I can put together a color splash and you can compare?
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Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:08 pm
A color splash? owo
What's that?
But yea if it helps me pick a color!!
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:58 pm
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Reply
