SOOOOO EMOTIONAL! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME

[Dampf]

I know this sounds super lame and teenager'y, but nobody understands me. Like seriously.


The Weepies define me


I left my tight knit group of friends in June of 2010 to go live in Perth, Australia. After that, I lived alone in Tanzania and India while my parents were in the US the majority of the time. I battled suicidal thoughts, boredom, malnourishement, ETC. I got back and found out that my grandmother died. She was the only grandmother that didn't resent me as a human being in general. She loved me. When I heard the news, everyone was crying and grieving, I was puzzled as to why I didn't feel the slightest bit sad. I can't experience any emotion now.
I'm a robot.
I just started my sophomore year and it dawned on me today that I have no friends at all. None. They've all left, I've outgrown them or we just drifted apart. My best friend is still friendly to me as we pass in the halls but we never talk. I thought her and I were so close. I guess all good things must come to an end(another Weepies song).

Everyone has all these misconceptions about me. They think I'm happy go lucky, they think I have tons of friends, they think I'm always happy.

The only thing I have to look forward to is leaving California forever as soon as I graduate.

I can't wait.



Sorry about all the needless rambling.  

[pig_girl]

HUGGSSSSS. i know it feel like life sucks, andi want you to know that i was there (though i didnt get to go to all the cool places and have been lucky enough to not have anyone die recently) it gets better. all my old friend either are total douches to me now, or totally dont get my whole religious thing now, and its a big issue. I litterally have 1 person who i think i could go to who is my own age with something important, and even that person is not very close anymore. (we used to be closer than her and her sisters, now im lucky if she answers a phone call, text or even facebook)  

[k.k.razy]

heart

it will get better dear
I'm always on google talk if you wanna chat smile  

[Dampf]

Thanks.
I just kind of want to put myself on autopilot for the next 3 years.  

[Skyscraper Opera]

Most of the people you meet in middle/high school, you will never see again afterwards. Keep your head up! I mean you're only in sophomore year. I think you have plenty of time to make new friends  

[Daypaw]

"With Deadly Grace."






When I was in middle school - high school I really wanted to get out of Ohio when I graduated. I have tons of old LJ posts about just that (since I was one of those people who pretty much just used my LJ as an emo outlet) and prior to high school I had no friends at all. I was always the quiet kid who was the easy target that nobody else wanted to associate with. At the end of high school I was happier. I had more friends, people left me alone, and I had a sort of dysfunctional family in the marching band.

I think it's a phase that everyone has to go through to grow up. Not maturing, but growing. Without a bad stretch or a time of emotional disquiet of some sort, how would anyone ever appreciate it when things are finally good and you have the things you want? You wouldn't have anything to look back on but more of the same, so how then would you know that you were finally happy?

Speaking from experience (high school and a semi-recent bad stretch) it will get better. It probably won't get better tomorrow or the day after, but there will come a time when you look back at the bad times and wonder how your life changed so dramatically for the better.

I do it all the time.