Welcome to Gaia! ::

"When people I love for years suddenly don't pay attention to me, I feel like I have to prove myself to gain their attention. If you don't have the time, don't tell me I'm your friend. I'd rather you be an enemy."

My ex-boyfriend and his family wouldn't talk to me very much and I one day exploded in their face about it, and then gave them reason to not talk to me.

Does this sound like mental illness? I feel like even thought these people have not been in my life for the past year, I have to constantly prove myself. I'm still friends with my ex's little sister and I like his little sister, but I have to admit I am...demanding. And I feel as if she's not as good friends with me as I'd like to me. The fact isn't as upsetting as the fact that it upsets me. She is three years my junior.

I'm aware I might have a problem. I have moved to a different state and am trying to meet new people, but have the hardest time doing so. I've been friendless for the past few months of living here. And I love going out, but I only ever do so with family because I haven't been able to meet anyone yet, even though I put myself out there. I try talking to the people in my class but have a feeling that they think I am a bit strange/eccentric.

Could've sworn a classmate of mine was inviting me somewhere one day and when I asked about it, turns out she was suggesting it to me after she went there. I was disappointed.

I put myself out there. And I have no friends to show for it since moving here, so can't help but feel I'm weird. (nd other people I moved away from all of a sudden want to hang out with me.) I can't seem to get my ex and his family out of my mind, so even though I want to meet people, I put them first and foremost which kind of messes with my head a bit.

I had been bullied growing up and used to be very shy...painfully shy. And still sometimes am. And the more alone I feel in situations + my mood that day...I get paranoid on very very rare days. But it doesn't happen often. Only when I'm alone, and if it's on a blue moon. Maybe like once a month. But throw me into the same situation, still alone, and I feel fine.

I have an endocrinological disorder which affects my mood--hypothyroidism. I've been diagnosed with Adjustment disorder with depressed mood but the fact that I can't get over what happened makes me feel like it's something more and my unexplained feelings once in a blue moon too. I have a grandfather that was schizophrenic, a few aunts with anxiety disorder, a cousin with narcissistic personality disorder, and a few cousins that are schizoid, a father with a few anger issues, a brother that had a drinking problem, and another brother with so many problems it's hard to list--he left the house when I was 3 though and is constantly running from the law.

Does it seem like I possibly have a mental illness?

Edit: This is a big one. I'm surprised I left it out. But I cannot stop comparing myself to my ex's little sister. Even though she's 19 and I'm 22. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm stalking her, so I'm going to start putting a barrier between us, but I admire her, and constantly want her to approve of me. I compare myself with her, and she's tall, pretty and has many friends. I sometimes skip meals and eat much less than normal just so I can be skinnier (even though, I 'm already skinny). I feel like if I could just meet other people, I could just go my own way from her. But she's really all I have, but I because of it, I can't stop wanting to impress her like I used to when we were younger. It's also why I'm a bit resentful because I feel I have to prove myself, and because she has so many friends, and I didn't because of rumors that were spread of me in high school.

Makes me feel like I'm a person not worthy of friends, because I feel like I'm a good friend to whoever I meet, and she has so many friends without trying. Also, she's drifting apart. And I feel myself becoming very doting and not getting the attention I want, so I want to just go VERY far away.

The same happened with her brother. I would be doting BECAUSE I wasn't getting enough attention (he wouldn't call for months--he was Army and according to my mom, probably cheating) and he eventually got very angry and left.