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 Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 4:33 pm
Where we left off last time... It was around closing of the the Winter Solstice Celebration. Saariyasha made his way to the wishing well, and against everything he knew and believed, Saariyasha made not a wish, but a resolution. He would take charge of his life and let go of the past, and begin living his life...
Closing his eyes, Saariyasha made a wish. Not because it was tradition, or because of her, if she was there or not.
He made a wish because he was tired of living the way he had. Tired of fearing himself, what he might do, what he might become.... Because enough was enough. He was tired of the guilt, and was finally ready to let go.
'It wasn't your fault.' As his eyes were shut he felt a nuzzle on the side of his face. A brief kiss. 'Let it all go. You will be at peace. All you have to do is follow me.'
It wasn't all that easy, was it?
He didn't know if it was. Or if he could find peace from what he had done, but he was willing to take the chance. All he had to do was take that first step.
Which brings us to the current time...
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Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:09 pm
 With lighter heart and full mind, Saariyasha left the Winter Solstice Celebration grounds with a light heart and even light paws. Almost hopeful... He could overcome the darkness that plagued his life, and live without the chains of guilt that he had borne for so long. The buoyant feeling even lasted until he reached his secluded grove.
But as he reached the grove, doubts started to creep in. He didn't know what the first step should be. What amends and atonements he would need to make. How to clean the blood from his paws. He couldn't even remember the lives he had cut short in his previous homeland...
There was so much blood and pain and hurt...
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Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2015 9:25 pm
He needed to change. He wanted to change. He needed the blood on his paws to be wiped away. He couldn't truly live until he did as She had suggested. To do so, he needed to stop thinking and just let go.
Which was easier said than done.
He wanted to live, not simply exist. So he would acknowledge the pain he had caused, the scars that marred his heart, and he would seek out anyone with even the slightest connection to his past and find some way to make up for the horrors he had committed. Which were numerous and unspeakable.
He had been born in the north. Where the weather was freezing and the landscape harsh and unforgiving. And to survive, one would do whatever they had to.
As a kit, he was the strongest of his litter - there were five other siblings, three sisters and two brothers. There was no where near enough food to sustain such a large brood, so he stood by and watched, did absolutely nothing to help as they wasted away one by one, until there were only two left, he and his most beloved sister. And even then, there wasn't enough for the both of them. So he killed her. The first whose blood stained his paws, and nowhere near the last.
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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 7:38 pm
The dark male paced back and forth agitatedly, his long spaded tail whipping out behind him. Caught in thoughts of his past, all the blood and tears that led to him being where he was now and a list of those he remembered wronging, who he would need to make things right with.
But the remnants of the clans had scattered to the four winds, and he had no blasted idea where to even begin searching them out...
Shortly after the death of his beloved sister, Saariyasha's mom kicked the young kit out of her den, leaving him out in the cold harsh territory to survive howsoever he could. In the high northern territories, there were several clans and fewer resources than would be optimal to support the groups, so it was survival of the fittest. Saari started out killing what few creatures he could find but it wasn't always enough. He grew up, lean and hard. Scrappy, fighting for his life and survival on the outskirts of all the clans, an outcast, but one who would survive, no matter what it seemed life would throw at him.
There were several lean years, where resource were shorter than ever, lending to much sickness and weakness, culling the weak and those who didn't have the strength or resolve to do whatever was needed to survive. It was during this time, he met Her. Seraina. The shadow princess of the largest of the northern clans.
Ah. Seraina. If she truly was there, and real, not just some figment of his imagination or a bit of magic from the winter holidays, perhaps she would know where he ought to begin... After he atoned for what he had done to her. If she could forgive him for nearly killing her...
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Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2015 7:59 pm
But to leave the comfort and security of his secluded grove was to go out in the world...to go amongst others, the innocent, and he could not tell if the blood rage would overtake him, causing him to do something he would regret. And he didn't want any more blood on his paws...
He could, of course, travel by the safety of night, guided by moon and starlight, sticking to shadows as he had before when he attended to Solstice Festival, which had started this whole thing. He really should have followed his instincts when they first spoke up, warning him the trip was a bad idea.
Those same instincts were screaming again. This... this was beyond a bad idea. But he had to do something to rid himself of the blood and guilt. He wanted to LIVE not just survive. So he would ignore his instincts and head back to the Solstice Festival grounds and to the fountain where she first appeared.
He wouldn't leave right then, it was still light and he would not risk anything. He would wait until nightfall, leave his glade and walk along the path. Back to the beginning. And he would do so by taking that first step. One paw in front of the other.
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