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 Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 2:42 pm
My father died last Sunday. We were very close. It's hard dealing with the grief, and even harder due to my mental illness. I've started seeing a counsellor to help me. Does anybody have any tips for dealing with grief and loss? Maybe you could tell me how you got through the loss of a loved-one. Thanks.
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Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 10:41 am
[Kudzu] My father died last Sunday. We were very close. It's hard dealing with the grief, and even harder due to my mental illness. I've started seeing a counsellor to help me. Does anybody have any tips for dealing with grief and loss? Maybe you could tell me how you got through the loss of a loved-one. Thanks. Formal ritualized mourning, maybe. I'm not a big fan of religion, but one benefit I recognize is that the religion I was brought up with has a defined method of mourning that seems quite useful to a lot of people. A mourner wears damaged clothing, doesn't shave or get his hair cut, doesn't do certain celebratory things like drink or listen to music, and it is expected that the community will hold prayer services in his home for a week. Typically, his neighbors and friends and acquaintances will sit with him and talk with him about whoever had just died, and generally the memories brought up are positive ones - you're commemorating a life, as well as mourning a death. I can't advise you to convert, but... get some friends of the family over to meet regularly, perhaps. It's a good idea anyway. Friends are among the things that make life worth living.
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 5:32 am
First, Alex, I will say I hope you are all right. And say "my condolences." Because when people say "I'm sorry" for someone dying, it just doesn't make sense to me. I've not yet lost anyone who was very close to me, but I did lose my grandfather last year, which left me with many conflicting feelings. You see, he was not what one would call a "good man," yet he was my grandfather, and he had been ill for a very long time before passing away. I'm not sure what to suggest, to be honest. For me, I found art was a good way to express my feelings. I was in school at the time taking an animation class and I did an animation which represented struggle and loss, to me. It was probably not apparent to others, but it did help me come to terms with some of the feelings I was going through. I am the type of person that likes to throw myself into projects to keep my mind and body busy, otherwise I can easily be pulled into lethargy and apathy (this is not to say taking a break from things during this time is bad, in fact, it's probably a good idea to take things easy for awhile).
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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 12:15 pm
Wow - I don't really know what I can say. If you want to, find an activity that you enjoy or that at least takes considerable thought and effort to take your mind off of your loss. Sometimes, though, it's good to think about things, and not ignore what happened. I hope you feel better soon. I know this is a chliche thing to say, but don't forget the good times.
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Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 6:44 pm
Poor thing. D:
It's hard to get over such a thing. Though I can't say from expirience, because all the people who have died in my family were people who I really did not know, or couldn't know.
I think the best cure is time, and relaxation. Try not to stress yourself too much, and if you can, take a few days off school/work.
I hope things get better for you. D:
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:49 pm
You have my sincerest condolences. I know the ravages of grief when someone you love dies... It's hard to deal with, especially if you don't want to talk about it or think about it.
What I have found to work best for me is to talk to someone who knew your loved one and share as many good memories with each other as you can think of.
It's better to think about the life than the death. I hope this helps.
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Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 5:21 pm
*hugs* My condolences as well.
I think that counselling is a good place to start dealing with your grief. Perhaps a second step could be spending some time in meditation about your father. Light a candle and sit somewhere comfortable, think about what your father means to you and the good times you spent together. There is still going to be pain... I'm not going to pretend there isn't... but thinking about him in a positive way is far better than thinking about his passing.
Another important thing to remember is the fact that your father loved you, and while he wouldn't want you to forget about him, he also wouldn't want you to suffer.
I don't know what your religious beliefs are (if you have any) but I have trouble thinking that some part of the human spirit doesn't continue in some form or another.
I hope you start having an easier time coping with your loss... be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to mourn. Grief isn't weakness, nor is it inherantly harmful, nor is it unreasonable that your mental health is going to suffer some, right now. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and try to remember the happy times you had with your father.
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Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:32 am
I'm surprised I never posted in this thread...
My avi, as you may or may not have noticed, is always dressed in head-to-toe black, except for the sweetheart pendant, similar to the one I wear irl. "Veuve" is French for "widow."
I probably mentioned in here, maybe in the intro thread, about how my fiance, at the ripe young age of 24, suddenly had a heart attack and died, with no warning signs whatsoever--even his blood pressure was normal. I suppose I'm saner than I thought, since I'm still alive and didn't have to be institutionalized. For a long time, though, the only thing keeping me alive was an inner monologue like this:
"You can't kill yourself!"
"Why not?"
"Um....I dunno, just don't."
"But I want to..."
"JUST DON'T!"
"Okay..."
Almost two years later, thinking about it too much still makes me cry, but I can get through the day just fine, even happy sometimes. I suppose my best advice is to talk about it, realise that it takes time and that recovering and getting back to normal doesn't mean you miss him any less or are any less upset by his passing, just that you're able to cope with it. Realise that though he may have meant the world to you, your life is not over, and he wouldn't want you to fall apart because of this.
My condolences, PM me anytime if you just want to talk about this.
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