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My condition affects my relationship, to be sure. But I will be getting married next October. We've been living together for about three years now! I was just plain lucky. He stuck by me through it all, even though sometimes my symptoms would be so bad that he would actually cry. We've had some really rough times. I think the worst point in my entire life was years ago when I was taking so many medicines that he said he didn't know if he loved me anymore because he didn't feel like he even knew the person I was on the drugs. But getting through times like those has made our relationship even stronger. Now I feel that I'm luckier and have a more loving and stable relationship than most n0rmal people.

I haven't had a significant other in over a year because no one wants to deal with me.

Does it affect my relationships? Hell it does. I feel like I can't even call my best friend my best friend anymore, because she avoids me so damn much. She hasn't called me in over a month, won't call me back if I call her, and when we have the same breaks at school, she'll purposely go to the computer lab so she doesn't have to talk to me. She's been my best friend since the fourth grade, so I feel this sort of loyalty, like I don't want to lose that relationship, but in reality, I think we already have. I have other friends closer than she, now, but only because she doesn't want to be near me (though she'd never admit it). If I tell her something that's bothering me, she'll say something like "*patpat* Poor you." and that will be the end of it. She says she doesn't know what to do, and though I've told her what she can do to help me, she doesn't even try. My other friends just think I'm an attention-whore, and the rest just think it's all some big joke, and don't take anything seriously.

So, yeah, I'd say my mental illness is a major setback in my life. It has caused me to lose many, many friends, and I have had a couple other disorders spawn from it (for example, because my depression is so bad and because my "friends" act the way they do, I no longer have a smudge of self-esteem. None. At all. I've been an active SIer and attempted suicide four times because of all this. I hate it. SO much.)

I had a MAJOR downer day, so I'm gonna go cry now. Had to get that out of my system first.

Yeppers. So now things are better in my relationship.

That's good. Lots of meds = bad.

I do not mean that I am meant to be alone. I mean that it seems like when looking back at the way my life has gone thus far, I will always be alone.

I am just feeling very bad right now, my best friend (the one I mentioned was being very nice to me lately in the other thread) just told me he is going out with another friend of ours. I am upset because I think I may have feelings for him, yet he seems to be attracted to almost every girl besides me (he has had two other crushes on friends of ours before the one he is currently dating). Not only that, but last year, when a guy I knew was trying desparately to get a girlfriend, he went out with almost every single girl he knew, or asked them out (even girls he knew less well than he knows me), but he never asked me. I've never been in a relationship before, and I just feel very alone right now. I hardly see people, except in classes. And that is just superficial interaction. I feel like I must be defective or something.

I know this is a funny thing to say, but when I see documentries on the lives of murderers, they nearly always have families, friends and spouses that love them. If people can love murderers, there are certainly many people who will love you. You seem very nice online, so it surprises me that people could not want to be with you in real life.


Woah... that must hurt. I'm sorry for you. sad You will see other people in future, even if you don't now. In classes, people will talk to you, and then they will start to talk to you outside of classes and you will become friends.

I'd also like to add that the one person I was with online had seemingly more problems than I did. If you got in one little miniature argument with her she'd be like "You hate me!" Sounds like borderline to me. She's also mentioned cutting herself before on purpose and threatening to while she was talking to one of my relatives online. I'm not sure what else she might have, either and I haven't been able to make contact with her in along while, but everyonce in a long while she'll pop online.