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 Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:38 am
Ok, I'm posting this here, because it's kinda major for me to do what I did, instead of posting it in the journaling section.
Last night after having my computer running for a number of days, I tried to install Windows Vista, but I had to partition the drive, well anyways it messed up, windows xp crashed and I couldn't fix it. But I didn't cry a whole lot yet. It really messed me up and made me a wreck. I had to reinstall windows and all my programs from scartch, that took me about 2 days before(faster this time hopefully.). Then once I had it running agian, it started to randomly crash after being on for several minutes. That's when I balled. I balled my eyes out. I could remember when my first computer started to have problems and all the other problems I've had with computers in the past. I love using them and when this happened, I was a complete wreck and thought this was an utter failure. I'm still nervous that this is going to crash right in the middle of my message. Last time it crashed I couldn't get into windows. I researched the problem this morning and fixed that, but about the crashing, I don't know. I can only figure that that fix also fixed the crashing problem.
Anyways the point is is that I'm really anxious, depressed, sad, and scared. Not to mention paranoid, low self-esteem and failure thoughts reminders. And I balled my eyes out.
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:20 pm
Hey Darialan, I know you were really looking forward to this computer. Is that why you are so upset about it not working right right now? Maybe you need to take a break from it, and when you feel you have calmed down (however long that takes, hours, days, whatever) try calling someone to come over and help you out with it. If you try to work on it more now it's probably just going to frustrate you further, since you're not thinking clearly as it is sad Computers mess up all the time, it's not a personal failure on your part, try to keep that in mind, too.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 6:17 am
Thanks. I'm a little better now. I took the day away from it mostly yesterday. I only went to check to see if it was working right and everything was straightened out, which took me maybe 2 minutes. I still have some more minor problems to deal with, though.
It's really hard to take a break from it. I mean, I'm on it so much and I start getting anxious about it when I'm not on it sometimes, but that's only when I'm not doing anything or anything that requires me to concentrate a bit.
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 7:49 pm
Honestly, almost nothing pushes me over the edge like my computer crashing. It feels so emotional... it is hard not to "take it personally." For the nerdy types like me, a computer is more than a cold machine. It is a lifeline... the way I get to most of my friends... when my internet is dead, I more than bored... I feel ALONE.
Besides that when you are GOOD at something and still can't succeed... GRRR... so I understand crying!
I suggest working on it for only 15 minute increments. Work for 15, play for 15, work for 15, etc. Long enough to get things accomplished, short enough to keep frustration levels low.
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 11:27 pm
Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like you're way more competent at computer stuff than I am!
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Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:53 am
I wrote a journal entry that relates to this, if anyone wants to read it. I just now wrote it.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:31 pm
I got my computer back and it's causing me massive anxiety and depression. I think I feel more depression, but anyway, it's back to it's old behavior, but it seems to take longer in between crashes, though I could be wrong. I just feel like I worked on this thing so long, I think I deserve a reward for my work, but God apparently doesn't hear me. I'm not stopping believing in him or anything, but I do question him quite a bit. I really don't understand why I'm being put through this. It's an important part of my life. I feel like I'm cursed by the devil to own computers that don't work. Both computers I've ever owned malfunctioned not long after. It may seem irrational to believe that i'm cursed, but I simply don't see it that way. I can't see it as a coincidence.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:31 am
Prince Darialan Love I got my computer back and it's causing me massive anxiety and depression. I think I feel more depression, but anyway, it's back to it's old behavior, but it seems to take longer in between crashes, though I could be wrong. I just feel like I worked on this thing so long, I think I deserve a reward for my work, but God apparently doesn't hear me. I'm not stopping believing in him or anything, but I do question him quite a bit. I really don't understand why I'm being put through this. It's an important part of my life. I feel like I'm cursed by the devil to own computers that don't work. Both computers I've ever owned malfunctioned not long after. It may seem irrational to believe that i'm cursed, but I simply don't see it that way. I can't see it as a coincidence. Well, I don't share your religious beliefs, so my perspective on this might not totally align with yours, Darialan, but I do think you should try to get past this idea that you are "cursed." Feeling that way about yourself, regardless of your beliefs, can not be good for your self-esteem. Computers mess up. It's practically what they do for a living. I'm sorry yours is not working out for you, as I know you've been really excited about this and have been putting a lot of work into it. Maybe you need to get away from the computer for awhile, so you can separate yourself from it a bit. Your identity is not formed by the computer, remember that.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:34 pm
Yeah, I just posted in your thread about online paranoia. Now I really suggest that you take a vacation from your computer for a while. Sometimes I just like to take a break for a few weeks until the paranoia surrounding my computer dies down!
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:24 pm
I have just the opposite. I have like some sort of technophilia. I REALLY love computers...... -__-"
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 7:21 pm
I understand how you feel. A few months ago my computer went bonkers for some odd reason and I had to format. I'd never formatted on my own before and I was a nervous wreck, picturing all these worst-case scenarios of the many different ways I could ******** this up.
Luckily, all went well, I formatted successfully, and promptly did a happy dance in my apartment. My self-confidence skyrocketed. ( I still can't get Dungeon Keeper 2 to work, though crying )
Before that, however, I was not so fortunate. I had a bunch of viruses on my computer that decided all at once to systematically block my access to everything-first programs, then the Internet, then Windows. This was due to a crappy anti-virus called Avast! It basically goes "oooh you have a virus here, here, and here! Well, see ya!" stare
Well, I was frantic. I had NO idea what to do and formatting wouldn't work. I was all on my own. I eventually found out that I have a SATA HDD and I needed specific drivers for it, drivers that I tried for days to find on my own through the public library, and which I failed at finding time after time. I was heartbroken, and I had to eventually send my computer to the store where I had bought it and shell out 60$ to have it re-formatted. I couldn't use it for nearly a month. crying
I swear I went through withdrawals.
So, long story short- I most definately know how you feel. I, too, am a computer addict. And a Gaia addict, for that matter. razz
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