Welcome to Gaia! ::

Okay, now it's official, I'm not healthy. A guy found me upshased in a tree earlier today. I told him how a big gray wolf had been chased me there (long, painful story...). I, frighten, pointed at the animal but he said nothing was there. It then dissapeared, suddenly. He wanted to talk to me about it but I ran away.
I don't even know why I am writing this. No one can do anything about it. And I can't go to a doctor, no matter how much I want to. My parents wouldn't allow me to.

I don't see myself as a sensetive person. I've seen dead people, dreamed nightmares, gone trough depression and been betrayed by good friends but my thought was that maybe I'm influensed by my best friend whom commited suicide, not very long time ago. Maybe that's the only reason that I'm acting this way, right now. I'm hurted and don't know how to let it out in the best way. My solv of this problem, it seems, is to become extremely voilent and paranoid. It's the wrong way, I know. But what to do? I need help. My life, as well as other's, in danger.

My life don't seem to be worth living. Earlier in my life I had a plenty of friends (or so I thought at least...). I was the popular and wise "boy-girl" (I'm transexual) and I was, more or less, accepted by everyone. Now my friends have gone different ways, everyone, one after another has been leaving me behind. But recently I've realiced that it wasn't they whom leaved me behind, but me whom did it this to them (ironic, isn't it...? I made this out of depresion). I still don't know why I act this way, cuz I still do. I avoid and hate people in general. Rarely talk to anyone, anytime. I'm quite and people wispers about me behind my back, but I don't care about those fools. They can do whatever they want. I know I'm not what they define as "normal" but I know I'm the one whom are right. The one who should get the credit in the end. CUz I won't give up before the very end. I won't.
Both my parents doesn't speak much to either me or my older brother. They're rippen up from the thing that ALMOST happened a year ago, when my brother almost died.

Last night a wolf chased me. I was to scared for words, and this is something I never would tell anyone I know. The wolf was almost as big as a horse and dark as the death itself, with big teeths. I suddenly meets a guy from my class on the path I was running at. I screamed at him to hide somewhere in the bushes. He calmly asked why but I didn't give him an answer, puffed him into the bushes. I told him, shaking, to trust my word. A minute later it appears, and I can't describe the feeling I got. A plaseure, but still an absolute fear, to overhealming and real for being just a daydream. I'm used to not belive in the things around me, but this was just too real.
I climbs the tree behind me to escape from the beast. I desperatly grabs the tree to not fall down. The beast starts to wisper my name and to run into the tree, makes it shaking. I scream at my friend to run away. He asked why. I pointed, stunned at the creature at the bottom of the tree. He said it wasn't anything there. And in the very same time he said this, the beast dissapeared with one last loud painful scream. I slowly, still shaked, gets down at the ground again. The boy asks if I'm alright, or that's what I concluded he said. I wasn't listening. And insteed of answering I runned away, the fastest I ever could. If something like that happends again I don't know how it will end up.
Recently my best friend killed herself, and it was in the very same minute I heard about it I realised how much she meaned to me. She was the only one I could talk to (I even think I loved this one girl), if there wasn't any forums to discuss this kind of things I would explode, maybe even go crazy.

In order to get a better physical condition I've been following all of the suggestions from here

* Written songs and poems
* Started a dairy
* Thought about it
* Started to practice karate
* Try to talk to more people (this one went out pretty awful)
* Tried to relax from school and stress

I’m sorry to say but nothing helps...

I don't get this world. Whatever I do the hallucinations and pain won't go away. I can't talk to anyone in real life about this kind of things. No one listens to me. The people I know wouldn't do anything but laugh at me. I don't know about you guys, since I don't know anyone of you (as far as I know). Maybe it's the same for you but here I can't hear the laughs and wispers behind my back. As long as I know that, I can relax.
Last night everything I did was crying. It was like a dream, but I knew I was awake, wich I also was. I saw people around me. Everyone was screaming in pain. Most of them was deadly hurted. They wanted me to help them. I didn't want to. I tried to run away. Then a one of those people. A man stoped me.
"Is this really what you want?" he asked me.
"Do you wan't to live in a world that doesn't treat you as the one you actually are?"
"To live in a lie?!"
A lot of people appeared and they all screamed that I'd ruined my life. It sounded almost exactly like the Nazgules from the LoR.
Kill me someone.

Am I schitzcoprhen? What do you think? Please help me. I'm going crazy. Something's definitly wrong with me.

You need to tell your parents that you need help. It was hard for me to do as well, seeing as my mother thought I was a smart, contented girl of a pleasant disposition. Basically, she bought into my lie. But I had to come out and just tell her that I needed help. You don't have to tell them why, just tell them that it's between you and your future doctor, and at another time you might be able to tell them. You need to get help.

I would go to your general practitioner first, to make sure it's nothing physical, and then have them refer you to a psychologist.

I think that, if you're having hallucinations, they could be caused by all kinds of deadly things from brain tumors to organ failures to seizure disorders. And you're suicidal? You have to go to the emergency room. Now.



The emergency room can help. If your parents won't let you go to the emergency room, call 911. Have them send an ambulence for you right away. This is not a joke.

Thanks everyone for your respond.
I'm not afraid of how my parents would react if I told them about what I've been trough, but how they actually did react.
My mom cought me one time when I was about to call the hospital, to get some kind of help. Whatever they now can do about it. At any rate, exactly when somone responded, my mom cutt of the phoneline. She roured at me that it was excpensive to use the phone and that I should know it by now. I was stunned a moment but then I become angrier than I ever been before in my entire life. I screamed at her who I'd call and why. In one breath, I told her everything. But instead of, like an loving parent would do, hug be and promise to help me, all she said was:
"Pah! I have my own problems, deal with that yourself! I don't care either way" And then she dissapeared. Now I can't call anyone....My laptop is my only way to contact people I don't meet in school. And however I try I can't trust anyone in my school. If I could my situation would be much easier.

This is not a matter of your pride. You can't choose whom you can trust. You have to get help. Calling 911 is free. Use a payphone and you won't even have to put money in. Use phones at your school if you need to. Walk down the street and use a phone. Ask somebody if you can borrow their phone or cell phone. It's free for cell phones too. This is a matter of life and death. You can't just put the phone down if somebody yells at you. Consider this your first step towards adulthood! Good luck!

I just want to say, I'm sorry I can't really help, but please listen to the advice people here are giving you, and I hope that everything gets better for you soon.

Well I would say follow the advice you've gotten so far. Maybe you could talk to a school psychiatrist or counciler and have them get you help. Maybe you could find out what the nearest mental hospital and try to contant them. If all else fails, find someone on gaia (preferably in this forum) who lives near-ish you and have them call 911 for you.
And if you can't find someone near you someone who doesn't live near you might be able to call 911 and get the 911 where you live to get to you.

You're going to have to trust a neghbor. Go over to their house, and ask if you can call the emergency room.

I'm thinking you have schizofrenia(Sp...)
Most likely, you can trust them. The common symptoms with the disorder is hallucionations and the feeling that people are out to get you.