thanks all. and i know my mom should be providing me help but shes not and its pissing me off, and i had the worst councleing appointment the other day and my counclor took my moms side......yet another person.....i hate how everybody believes her just cause shes older and they dont even give me a chance to express wats going on and it just pisses me off! and to go to my friends ashley (where i am now) i have to have someone come to MY house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe my mom! and shes trying to make up to late and then she just stops and it just PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want out of my house but there is really no way out of it permentaly.......i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ive got all my friends soooooooooooooooooooo woried about me! and i hate having them worry about me and them actually knowing wats going on! its killing to see wats its doin to my friends......its killing them to know wats really going on........and its killing me to see them suffer cause im suffering......and then this one person i dont even really kno found i out who i like and he just broke up with his girlfriend and she told his EX! right after the broke up!!!!! and shes my friend! and im the one who told her to break up with him so she could sort out her feelings and i didnt want her to think i did it for myself when im just not like that.....and the friend promised, SHE PROMISED she wouldnt tell ANYONE! and she told the one person who didnt need to kno! and im just having a really hard time and i dont know wat to do! i just dont know! wat do i do? wat do i do? im so lost and confused and i dont know wat to do and my whole world is falling apart! and i hate it! how many times does my world have to fall apart before i can be happy, before i can live as a teenager! when can i not have to pretend! when can i not lie about how i feel! when can i be set free? why am i bound so tight to the ground! im bound so tight i dont think i will ever be set free......and its killing me.......im dieing inside and only a few know that and they dont know wat to do but there trying to help but theres nothing they can really do......i dont think i will ever be happy, or even close to be normal or not having to pretend and lie my life away........i dont think i will ever find that day......i dont ever think......wat do i do? wat? im lost and confused and have kno idea wat to do.....help......help.......help.......help......please!......i need the help im never gonna recieve......wat do i do? wat?

*~*kira*~*