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 Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:10 am
I recently heard a rumor online that Catholics refuse to laugh at themselves because we've got so much pride. I know for a fact that that statement is untrue, because there are a lot of Catholics I know who will joke about how backward the Catholic church can be sometimes.
So, anyone have any good jokes about Catholics, Christians in general, or the Bible? Here's one:
Jesus was walking through the streets when he noticed a crowd of people throwing stons at an adulteress. Jesus said, "Let whoever is without sin cast the first stone." Suddenly a stone flew through the air. Jesus turned and said, "Mom?"
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 8:51 pm
ninja 4laugh I have like.... 30 HAHAHHA ok maybe 5... but there not all apropiate I guess... I think people would take them the wrong way.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:50 am
But... Catholics ARE a bunch of nerds.... A BUNCH OF FUNNY NERDS!! rofl
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 4:17 pm
That's right! Nothing is inappropriate for this joke. As long as they don't violate the TOS and the guild rules you're fine.
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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:50 am
(No offense to our atheist brothers and sisters -bows bows- I just find the joke funny XDDD I got this from a comic who got it from a comedian)
Christian : So you're an atheist and you believe that you'll turn into a tree huh?
Atheist : ...
Christian : Well guess what! They'll cut you down, they'll turn you into paper and print the BIBLE on YOU!
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:22 am
AngelusErosWeiss (No offense to our atheist brothers and sisters -bows bows- I just find the joke funny XDDD I got this from a comic who got it from a comedian) Christian : So you're an atheist and you believe that you'll turn into a tree huh? Atheist : ... Christian : Well guess what! They'll cut you down, they'll turn you into paper and print the BIBLE on YOU! Was that Dane Cook? That's a rather abriged version of his joke. xD
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:03 pm
A boy in class and notices the girl sitting next to him is asleep.
Teacher: Who created the universe?
Boy pokes the girl. Girl wakes up.
Girl: God!
Girl goes back to sleep.
Teacher: Who's God's son?
Boy pokes the girl again. She wakes up again.
Girl: Jeus Christ!
Girl goes back to sleep one more time.
Teacher: How did Eve tell Adam she didn't want kids.
Boy pokes girl. She wakes up.
Girl: (to boy) Dammit! Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm gonna chop it off!
Teacher: Very good Sally.
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:59 am
So, I finally remembered a religion joke I know that isn't offensive. Yay!
One day, God meets with Adam and Eve to pass out various traits that will distinguish men from women. God riffles through his stack of idex cards, selects one, and says, "Okay, who wants to be able to pee standing up?" Adam starts jumping up and down excitedly saying "Oh, pick me! I want that one!" and God agrees. The next card God draws is about growing facial hair, and Adam once again begs God to let him have that trait, so God gives it to him. God draws another card and says, "Multiple orgasms? Okay, that one goes to Eve."
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:34 pm
SinfulGuillotine So, I finally remembered a religion joke I know that isn't offensive. Yay! One day, God meets with Adam and Eve to pass out various traits that will distinguish men from women. God riffles through his stack of idex cards, selects one, and says, "Okay, who wants to be able to pee standing up?" Adam starts jumping up and down excitedly saying "Oh, pick me! I want that one!" and God agrees. The next card God draws is about growing facial hair, and Adam once again begs God to let him have that trait, so God gives it to him. God draws another card and says, "Multiple orgasms? Okay, that one goes to Eve."
That joke is just plain awesome. xd
Here's the usual Catholic joke I tell: There was this boy who was failing math. His parents tried everything to get him to do better, but he just wasn't. So they decided to enroll him in a Catholic school. Within the next three weeks, the boy began to study fervently, and his grades soared. His Dad pulled him aside one day and asked, "So what did it, son? The nuns? The textbooks? The atmosphere?"
The boy looked somberly at his father. "Dad, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew this place meant business!"
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Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:13 pm
I have two. one is somewhat similar to Enjy's{Did I spell his name right? DX}.
One day, while Adam and Eve were in the Garden, God came to visit them, "I have two items, one for each of you." God started, "The first is something that will allow you to pee standing up and the-" God was cut of by Adam, "Can I have that? The first one? Oh please?" he asked, "What good with woman have with that?" He asked. So God gave Adam the item and Adam ran around peeing all over things, and very much enjoying himself. "Well Eve, that leaves you with the second item." God said. "And what is that Lord?" She asked, "A brain."
---
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:12 pm
A little boy was failing math, and the parents did not know what to do. So, being told that Catholic school is one of the strictest forms of school, they enrolled him. Over time, the boys grade in math began to improve until he had a perfect score. "Wow," says the mother, "Catholic school has had a great impact on you." "Yep," says the boy, "as soon as i saw the man nailed to the plus sign i knew they were serious about math."
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:20 pm
[Lacrimosa] AngelusErosWeiss (No offense to our atheist brothers and sisters -bows bows- I just find the joke funny XDDD I got this from a comic who got it from a comedian) Christian : So you're an atheist and you believe that you'll turn into a tree huh? Atheist : ... Christian : Well guess what! They'll cut you down, they'll turn you into paper and print the BIBLE on YOU! Was that Dane Cook? That's a rather abriged version of his joke. xD it is, lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wts-dntnyh4
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:20 pm
Catholic Comedians/Stars:
Markus Maria Profitlich ("Mensch Markus", a German comedy series on Pro7)
Wise Guys
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 8:45 pm
Here's a Catholic Joke, from a local parish priest during one of his sermons:
(Slightly offensive)
A nun was walking down the street. Then, robber comes, points a gun to her and declares hold-up. The nun then screams "Rape! Rape! Rape!". The robber became nervous and asked her "I'm just declaring a hold-up! Why are you screaming 'rape'?!" She replied "What? I'm just giving a suggestion."
Get it?
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Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 4:33 am
This isn't exactly a Catholic joke, but I thought it was funny.
So, a Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are all on a boat together. The boat suddenly springs a leak, and the Catholic jumps out and walks across the water to shore. Several seconds later, the Baptist does the same thing. The Mormon exclaims "That's amazing, God has saved us!" and attempts to do the same thing, but falls into the water and splashes and splutters hopelessly in the water, calling out to his friends on the shore for help. The Catholic looks at the Baptist and says, "Should we have told him where the stepping stones were?"
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