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 Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 4:20 pm
I am finally working on a story I can stick to and I have about 9 pages written but there are flaws. Right now it's divided into two parts. The beginning and the rest of the story. The beginning I think I can figure out and pretty easily connect to the rest. It's the middle part that has flaws.
1) It's confusing. In the story, my character has been put under some kind of forced astral projection spell. Her body is lying in a hospital hooked up to a feeding tube and various monitors. Her "ghost form" as I'm calling it is forced to stay in the room because if she goes too far from her body, she starts to weaken and could die. Only her friends and family can see her and it gets confusing going back and forth between "ghost Tara" and her body. So, I may edit that.
2) Too much dialogue. Not enough detail. How do I cure that? Most of the dialogue is needed so the reader knows what's going on but I need detail to not only expand the story a bit more but make the length longer because I want it to eventually be a novel. (One of a series, actually, since I'm using my RP characters and using some events from RP stories as part of their past)
3) I need some real drama! There's two parts of this. Tara has a boyfriend who, at the beginning, doesn't know she's a witch and she's kept it a secret for a very long time. I currently have that when it's revealed that he forgives her. Then, I thought, no, that's boring and too good to be true. So, I need help figuring out his reaction but still have him help undo the spell.
3b- My villaness. The villaness behind this is Tara's half-sister who is a master of the dark arts and will curse anyone who looks at her wrong. She feels she's been tramatically wronged by Tara's whole family when their father divorced her mother to marry Tara's so she's out to make them suffer no matter the cost. Is this too psycho or is it lame or what? She might be a recurring character in other parts of the series. (definitely the prequels that will be written when this is complete but I'm not sure of anything after)
If you'd like to read what I have, PM me. I tried not to give too much away but some of it was necessary to get my points across about what I'm looking for. I'm so excited I have what I have because I never get more than one or two pages before getting stuck. I want to actually finish this so any advice will be appreciated.
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Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:34 pm
I saw no replies so I decided to help.
whee
1-
Welll....
For my story, there is a girl named Isabella. But in her ghost form, she's called Izy. You could do that with the ghost Tara and the real Tara.
Give them slightly different names or a nickname for one.
2-
Add detail within the dialouge.
"But she could die!" Sarah breathed, pacing to and fro in the cramped room.
...could be...
Sarah let out an obvious gasp, as the family in the room turned to her. "But she could die!" Her breath was shallow, as she started to pace in a straight line, her brow lined with small trickles of sweat. Was it her, or was it getting warm in there?
I dunno. Something like that. {(completely randomly made it up, bythaway. xDD)}
3-
OHOHOHOHOHOH IDEA!!!!!
Tara's boyfriend could NOT like the fact that she is a witch, for various reasons {(That i do not know. xD)}, and refuse to change her back.
Possibly because she lied to him or something...?
3b-
Slightly psycho.
It could be a non-family member. Or a friend of Tara's half-sister who would like to help her.
And maybe the reason could be because Tara was a witch, and he/she/they were trying to wipe out all witches for some reason.
:]
I hope I helped.
Instead of just handing out ideas.
T.T
Have fun~!
{(wow, this bulletin is oooold. xD)}
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