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 Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 2:09 pm
I know I said I was going to put all of this off until next week, but due to recent events, I wanted to go ahead and post this.
One of our guildmembers recently quit, and he/she IMed me in a huff, saying that people are afraid to post in this guild, and that they are afraid of me.
I was also directed to a post in another guild, where another Gaian member said I was a manipulative individual, was high-and-mighty, and rude. Another person said others were shocked to find out that I judged people, and that they see me as saint-like.
I want to set some things straight dealing with everything that has been happening lately:
1. I am not a saint and I am not perfect. I am a human being prone to err like everyone else here. I have major faults, one of which is that when someone seriously hurts a friend, I will lay into them. I don't come running at them yelling, I approach things calmly, but if I'm met with insults to said friend, then I can let things get out of control. This does NOT happen a lot, and it rarely ever happens with people I personally know.
2. My energy is manipulative in the way the person posted it was, in that it changes people. My energy is a bit overly light. However, I don't go around consciously trying to alter people's emotions or mood. It's something I really can't control. I don't try to make my energy seem big, either. In fact, I have serious issues with fatigue and I have a hard time functioning day-to-day, and I think part of it is because I shed too much energy. If I could find a way to fix it, I would, and I'm trying to. But I can't control my energy soothing people just as some people can't stop their energy from coming off as rough, or kind, or angry, or sad. I'm grateful for the person who pointed it out, because it's not something I was able to see for a long time.
3. I am not a good guild captain, but I am trying. This is my first time running a guild, and I'm doing it completely by myself. And though it's not much of an excuse, ever since I started the guild my life has gotten completely hectic. It's my fault for not keeping an eye on things more, and for that I truly and deeply apologize. It will be fixed.
4. As I said, I'm not perfect. But something I find really important is authenticity. If any of you has an issue with me, is afraid of me, thinks there's something I could improve on...please let me know. I know I probably can come across as intimidating, but the truth is I'm easily intimidated by others, am shy, and extremely naive and not observant. You can't trust me to pick up on something like that, and I want to serve everyone in this guild better. Feel free to PM me anything you think I should work on, and if you don't feel comfortable doing that, go through a trusted guildmate or friend and stay anonymous.
I have a feeling there's a big rift forming. I come across different than I am, perhaps, and for that I'm sorry. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. And just because I'm an angel, or because my energy is light...I shouldn't be put up on a pedestal, or held to higher standards than anyone else here in this guild. If you're going to hold me responsible or to higher standards, please do it because I'm a guild captain and not because of my energy, something I can't control.
As to the whole MR fiasco, I made a mistake. I let my sense of loyalty take over, and I lashed out. Neither Psyche, Sinesthera, Lobo, or myself holds all the blame, but for my share, I do apologize. And I will do whatever I can to make sure it doesn't happen again.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 2:50 pm
On my energy being manipulative:
My energy can be manipulative, though it's not consciously so. I have one of those energies that just reacts with others strongly. There are several people who have told me they can't stay angry if I'm around, because my energy is soothing and calming. Yes, that does manipulate the emotions they feel. But it's not something I can help, anymore than the person you might run into whose energy just grates on you can help it.
On my energy being really bright and light:
My energy also comes across as really bright; this is something I deeply hope I can change, because it's most likely the cause of my extreme fatigue. I'm very much out of balance, and am trying to correct this, but it will take me time since I have a lot of baggage from my childhood to go through. Also, my energy is light...but I have a strong dark streak that most people don't pick up on. And when they DO pick up on it, they freak out. So I just want you guys to know it is there, and it's the self-destructive, sorrowful kind of dark.
On me being holier-than-thou:
This one I struggle with the most, because to be honest, I have major self-esteem issues. People are constantly having to slap me back into place over it. I can see how I might come across as holier-than-thou, though. I do speak as if I know things, although I think I usually qualify that I don't. The things I am convinced on, it's because of personal experience. We're all entitled to our own views, but that doesn't mean any of us are higher than anyone else. It also might have something to do with just my energy being on the lighter side, or me going around saying I'm an angelic. It might also be because I don't do well with established authority, or people acting like they know something but not being willing or able to back it up; any claim I make, anyone is free to question it, to ask for sources, or whatever. And if I'm shown I'm wrong, I'll graciously accept it.
On me judging others:
We ALL do it. I will not deny, ever, that I have that small voice in the back of my head passing judgments; it's part of being human. However, the vast majority of the time I choose not to listen to it; that's the best anyone can do.
On my temper:
It'd almost be better that have a quick tember than the one I have. I can take things for years, harbor them inside, and then one day one small thing will set me off. And then the next day, I'll be fine again. The problem is, people can't tell when I'm getting angry. And then, they think I'm angry over the small thing that set me over the edge. I really am trying to learn to give people warning signs, but I was heavily supressed growing up so I am really, really bad at handling anger. It takes a LOT to set me off.
On people being afraid of me:
I have a few ideas why someone might be afraid of me. I don't know how to mask my energy. And I do the absolute best I can to not wear masks. This means if I make a new discovery about myself, I'll quickly say so--good or bad. There's something really uncomfortable about a person who doesn't play the whole different-personality-for-a-different-crowd game. There's something uncomfortable about a person who will willingly cast themself in a negative light. I'm not saying I succeed 100% of the time, mind you, but I do try.
On Psyche:
I never took the time to get to know her, but from what I do know of her she seems pretty nice. I disagree with her on a lot of things, which caused tension. Her energy just plain doesn't mesh well with mine, and feels 'prickly' to me. Her guild, the MR, isn't a bad guild; it's just not one that's my style. I shouldn't have yelled at her like I did over her hurting a friend of mine, but she did yell back, which started the whole thing. We were both being immature, and I do regret not composing myself better. Don't let me or anyone else hold you back from either joining her guild or getting to know her. Just because there's a person I don't get along well with doesn't mean anyone else should go by that; you should find out for yourself.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 3:09 pm
Do you Belong here?/Rules
I will start keeping a firmer control with the guild; I had hoped I wouldn't have to do this. However, nobody is forcing anyone to stay here, it's not a requirement, so while I may feel bad doing it, I will stick by what I say is going to go on from here on out.
* This guild is to be a safe haven for people. Feel free to have discussions, but do not be critical of others. This means don't tell people they're wrong. If you think they're wrong, either bite your tongue, talk about it gently in the guild by offering alternate views/explanations, or take it out of the guild.
NOTE: This is not forcing you to be someone you're not--you just have to behave in the guild and guild sanctioned events.
* EVERYONE is on a three-strikes system. If I see you doing something that takes away from the positive atmosphere, you will get a strike. Three strikes, and you're banned, or I will ask you to leave. This goes even for my closest friends.
NOTE: Since I can't ban myself, if you guys catch me taking away from the positive atmosphere and point it out either in guild or outside of it, I will get a strike. If I reach three strikes, then I'll have to do something for you guys, like give every active member a free reading or something. I know guilds are actually hierarchical, but I'd rather break down that barrier as much as possible.
Here are the original rules:
* Be respectful of other's opinions and beliefs; discussion is fine, flaming is not
* Be yourself; we'll love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be
* No Role-playing
* No excessive coarse language; if used, it will be censured
* No using offensive language, such as "that's gay"
* Please type in complete sentences and check your spelling!
THIS GOES INTO EFFECT DECEMBER 10TH, 2007
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 3:11 pm
Mods
To keep these changes active and working, I'm going to have to break down and get a moderator. If you're interested, please send me a PM! heart
People Interested:
* Taulha
* Ninjalayer#237
* 8Bit Jack
* Zurine
* Epsilon Riddle
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 5:27 pm
Reserved
After this post, feel free to say/post whatever you want to in reaction here
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 8:21 pm
Keziah.
I love you.
I think you're doing a pretty good job so far as being the owner.
And I think you are allowed some authority.
It's YOUR guild.
I agree with a lot your saying.
Yes we all do judge.
It's how the human mind works.
Everything we do is humanly.
And on the manipulation thing.
People just say that people you like to say your views allowed, and surprisingly they don't understand how many people like to hear new views to think of. People love to hear others thoughts, and even come to like the thoughts and make them their owns. It was their choice to do that.
And I never understood why anyone was afraid. You're a really good person, even if not perfect, because nothing is perfect in our world.
It's a fact of life.
The ones I see as being afraid are the non-risk takers.
I to was afraid of many things, even thing guild at first, but I took a chance to speak and saw this guild as being more opened up even if your talked about some odd things from the deep-end.
Even now as I type I am using courage to be the first one to reply on this. I don't care I'll be judged on this, because I am not here to judge your flaws, but to allow my opinion to be spoken along with my comments.
But Keziah, we all love you, and I personally think the guild is doing fine.
You should not have to be on here 24/7 for us.
We all (should) understand you do have a life away from the computer. We to all have lives and our real life problems.
This guild is a nice place to stay with life, and helps us get out our spiritual problems, or even to just feel better and help someone, even if they are all the way across the country.
You allowed us in this guild to talk to people when would never have a chance to meet in real life start to connect on here.
But I shall stop now. I have written much and mean it all.
:3
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Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:23 pm
I'm not affraid to post ^^
I'm reading through a lot of the guild stuff at the moment, and as I read more I'm becoming more interested in things. When someone refers to something I want to know more about it!
Granted I don't know a great ammount about anything spiritual, but what better place for me to be? So I'm just scanning round for now, seeing whats what and who's who though I will be posting more in the near future, mainly because I'm intrigued by what I'm seeing here, there's so much I want to know and so little Gaia time to ask ^^
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