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We've been best friends since the third grade. We'd pass notes back and forth all the time and often get in trouble by the teacher. I absorbed her favorite color and made it my own. My mom saw her as her own.
Sixth grade was the first time we had to deal with class periods. We didn't share any of them, not even lunch. As we made our own set of friends, we began to drift apart.
"My dad's a drunken a**." she once told me after I finally got her to visit. "He wants me to get my licence so I can drive him to the bar and pick him up. He's no good for my mom, but for some reason she loves him anyway. She refuses to leave him."
I was shocked when I found out she had picked up smoking. I had always been so against doing any drugs or alcohol. We had once been able to convince strangers we were twins, but now we seem to be becoming polar opposites. All I could think was that it can't be good for her bad asthma.
"You've always been more attractive then me." She said. "In fact, I've always been a little jealous of you." I could only stare at her in bewilderment. She had always been pretty. Down right beautiful. Meanwhile I had always been the geeky kid with thick glasses. Not that I hate my own self image, but how could she possibly think so little of herself?
She found a good boyfriend. He was a bit of a computer geek, but he could easily kick your a** if you managed to anger him that much. He was so good for her. He was nice, he respected her, he'd never cheat on her. I hadn't seen her that happy in a long, long time. He even got her into going to church and helped her find the guidance that she seemed to so desperately need. I was so happy for her. Then the loser who she had so foolishly given her first kiss too decided she was hot enough to ******** with again. Caught up in the romanticism of her first kiss and the idiotic idea that she simply wasn't good enough for her boyfriend, she fooled around. They broke up.
"The way dad yells at my brother. . . He's threatening to send him to Juvi. And my brother just keeps acting out. I just can't take it anymore." "I started cutting myself in the shower. Just with the blade from my razor, nothing big. It just kidda feels like I'm letting it all out." "Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to kill myself. . ." My blood runs cold.
My tattling about her thoughts of suicide seems to have only pushed her away and not helped her at all. We're still friends, but she doesn't trust me with anything personal and she doesn't come over. She's dating some sleaze bucket who recently got fired from the fast food place she's working at now. He's way to old for her and has her into smoking Lord only knows what and drinking. What does he care? He's got a hot high school chick who thinks she doesn't deserve any better then him and will let him sleep with her all he wants.
I spot her crying in the lunch room. It's not her lunch period but she doesn't seem to care. When I ask her what's wrong she said something about getting an STD and now she can't have kids anymore. Her closer friends find her and lead her away. The next time I see her she seems fine. I never managed to gather the courage to ask her about it again. I think I'm scared to know what her life has become.
In the chaotic schedule of high school finals, I ended up having a study hall with her. She shows me a bag of marijuana she has stuffed down her shirt with a smile. "My boyfriend and I are going to have a good time tonight." I make up and excuse about needing to go to the library and leave. She's not the girl I used to know anymore, and I don't now how to bring her back.
