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 Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 4:14 pm
Okay so yet another one of my friends asked me basically if I was gay today
her words: "are you even into guys?"
my words: "yeah." [long pause]
geez D:
She's like, the third or fourth person to ask me that. I havent told anybody straight up, and I HATE denying it to them. I'm just not ready to "come out" yet. I have way too much other stuff to worry about for that to be happening right now. I mean I'm only 14. D:
I feel like one of those celebrities whose being ousted out of the closet or something. Now I feel bad for Lance Bass >__>
but yeah, like I said. I dislike denying it and lying to my friends but I'm really not personally ready to tell anyone yet. I have plans to tell a few of my friends who I know for sure are cool with it at the end of freshman year but that's about it right now.
Some advice, preferably from people who have already come out, would be nice gonk
also I'm not sure if I needed to request to make a thread before actually making one but I'll just go ahead and do it anyway :b
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 4:58 pm
I had never really come out until late last year either. Then, one night, when my best friends and I were all simply sitting around at a sleepover and chatting, one friend just looked at me, pointed, and asked 'Are you gay?' Before I even had a chance to think about it, my mouth just said yes, and that's the whole story. I haven't come out to my parents yet, probably because they've never asked.
I think the time will show itself when it's meant to. You shouldn't worry about it.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 5:01 pm
Go with your feelings, don't let anyone pressure you into telling them anything. Its not fair to you, and they have no business knowing until you are ready.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 10:41 pm
I agree with Hazumu, don't be forced into doing things you don't want to and ask them to respect your decisions. If they can't do that then they aren't good friends
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:16 pm
As the others said, don't let yourself be pressured into coming out. I've noticed myself when the time is right, you will come out and you'll be happy with it.
But I do have to warn you, that staying in the closet can cause quite a few problems... When I was in still in Germany I was totally in the closet. When I got a girlfriend I decided to tell a couple of close friends, who I really trusted.
But boy oh boy... The complications that occured when I got asked out by a couple guys @.@ had to start lying about having a boyfriend (that of course no one ever met, besides my close friends) and then word just kinda spread and I got myself so caught up in lies that now I can't see how to get out of it without flatout telling em it was all a lie...
So when I moved back to the US I decided to be completely open so I don't have to go through the same experience.... I'd rather have people hate me and try to beat me up or whatever than deal with all the lying again. And I have to say... It was the best decision I could have made XD Hahaha turns out half my school is gay XDDD! But ya... I think I just got lucky... Hahaha even like the secretaries and a couple teachers know and they're really cool about it too.
But I know from a bunch of other people that they aren't even half as lucky as I am... They get bullied and teased and whatnot... So I think before you come out all the way you should know what you're getting into... Do you live in an area that is more open? Are the people in your school more open towards homosexuality? And if not, are you ready to deal with any kind of crap that could be thrown at you?
In the worst case you could always just tell the friends you trust and just... well not lie about it to whoever asks...
And no, you don't need to send a request to open a thread ^^
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Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:37 pm
find a friend you really trust and tell them.
then go on by telling more people and let eveyone get used to it.
also, think of your parents reaction, will they accept it? or throw you out of the house?
you're only 14, and you can't live independent yet. :]
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Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:17 pm
When you tell your frends make sure they accept it..Don't tell anyone else until your a bit older as well it none of their business really. For your parents wait another year or two or until they start questioning why you haven't had a boyfriend. Only decent advice I can give you ^^;
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:01 pm
Two of my friends told me recently that they were asked if I was gay, which kind of surprised me. It led me to question why I might give off that vibe (even if I am actually bi). I have short, but not boyish, hair, don't wear heels, and prefer comfortable although not unfashionable clothing. I also don't talk about boys much except to my closest friends, but that's because I'm shy. It's not like I talked about having crushes on girls, either. So it's a little strange people would think I was.
I'm completely open about my sexuality with my closest friends. About five people know I'm bi right now. I probably won't tell my family until I'm in college, because I want to be sure of how I feel. Not that they're homophobic, I'm just not quite ready to tell them. I don't talk about it with most of my classmates, but if someone asked I would be honest. I don't worry about someone overhearing me talking with a friend.
So I decided to just come out and say it on my Facebook. It makes things easier, and I don't care if some people aren't okay with it.
In the end, it's a decision only you can make about when and whom to come out to.
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Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:05 pm
Well, I'm bisexual. I have been.. or at least known that I've been, for about two years (I think..) now. It started out with me just noticing that I was also looking at females, and not just males, in an interested sort of matter. And then, my now-ex-girlfriend asked me if I was either gay or bi, because she was. Once I really figured it out, knowing that it wasn't just a phase, I held on to that secret for about a year. Not a single one of my friends found out. But when I was comfortable enough, I'm not exactly sure how that came about, I "came out" to my friends. It wasn't like "ATTENTION EVERYONE!! I'M BISEXUAL!!". It was more like when a topic came up in conversation between me and my friends, I would just casually put it in, kind of like "I mean, I'm bi, so I can kind of understand.." and I wouldn't worry about their reactions. As long as you are confident in yourself and don't make a big deal out of it, then your friends are more likely to accept you. Believe me, questions don't last long. I mean, I barely got any. Telling my parents was definitely a biggy for me, because neither of my parents were really used to being around homosexuals and bisexuals. Still, 9 out of 10 times we get ourselves all worked up for nothing. For me, I just knew I wouldn't be able to speak a word to my mum, the words would just catch in my throat, I would just chicken out. Instead, what I did was write a letter to her, explaining how it's only my sexuality was the only thing that has "changed", but the rest of me was still the same. And, at this time, I'd had a girlfriend for a week already, and I wrote in the letter to her explaining how it was really just like another heterosexual relationship, except we didn't care about being the same gender. Gender doesn't put restrictions on our souls. Anyway, I was shaking so much, I couldn't even give the letter directly to her, I had to drop it on the couch and just left it there, and it was a while before she even saw it sitting there. Once she'd read it, she came to me and talked to me about it, even asked me a few questions, but she accepted me just the way I was. She even noticed that I was much happier once I'd got it off my chest. She then showed my letter to my father and godfather, maybe even my nannie, I'm not sure. But that's how my family found out. But more recently, on our school retreat, we all wrote down some fears and then sat in a circle and the teachers read them all back to us. I heard one about the person's friends not accepting them for being bisexual. As if it's not complicated enough, being in a Catholic school, but to fear your friends not accepting you, that is a very large burden. So I stood up in front of the whole grade and said "been there, done that" and told them that if they really are your friends, they will accept you. I really hope I was right. I also kind of wish that I'd said a little more. If I knew who wrote that letter, I would go to them and hug them, tell them it's okay, and answer any questions they have. No one talks about their sexuality at school anyway.
Sorry, I think I've veered off track a little. My advice to you would be to wait until you're confident in yourself and your own sexuality, and be casual and not make a big deal out of it when you tell your friends about it. They'll still love you all the same! =D
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Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 7:47 am
I was worried about coming out to my friends as well, but to my surprise, they were all accepting of it. If you don't feel ready to tell them you don't have to, there isn't a time limit. When you feel comfortable telling them then you will, it all depends on when you feel ready to tell them. And if they really care about and really are your friends, then they will be accepting of it, so you shouldn't stress too much over it, just tell them when you feel ready to.
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 9:19 pm
My advice to you is wait a few years. I came out at your age, and while my closest friends accepted it, there will always be people who will change around you because of it. And if you do tell someone, make sure they are cool with it first. Nothing worse than coming out to a homophobe. (If they're a true friend, it won't matter.) And how accepting are your parents? Telling friends who may tell their parents who may talk to your parents... I would tell them first. I wish I had told my parents before they found out (girlfriend's mom talked to her at a school meeting). Just prepare yourself for the worst, even if you're sure it won't happen.
On a happier note, it gets better. Be proud. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:06 am
If you're not ready to come out to your friends, but neither do you want to lie...maybe you can reply with a "i'm not sure..." for now? if they want to talk to you about it mad then talk to them about it. as for parents, if you know they are not going to accept you, don't come out. that is all. u_u; until you are financially stable and stuff like that.
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:44 pm
I told my closest friends and some other random people when I first found out I wasn't straight... back when I officially called myself bisexual. It was sort of stressful, but I felt like I needed to talk about it, and I felt like my best friends deserved to know. It went very well and they were all accepting of me.
I did run into a couple of problems though... the mother of a guy I dated in high school found out that I was bisexual, and decided to spread the rumor to everyone possible (keep in mind that she was a school nurse, so she told other faculty members at that school and other schools, too) and incorrectly labeled me as a lesbian. After a long period of harassment thanks to her, my mom finally approached her and asked, "If she was a lesbian, why would she be trying to have a good relationship with your son?" She shut up after that. Way to go, mom!
I came out to her during my senior year of high school though. It was hard, and I had to do it through e-mail in order to do it properly, but at that point I felt like it needed to be done. I hadn't told her before, and on that particular night it was eating away at me more than usual, so I told her... and she was very accepting... up until I was actually honest about dating a girl. (I had dated a few before this one, but mom never found out.) After that, she outed me to lots of people without my permission... my dad found out, and so did my stepdad, as well as a few of my mom's friends. I didn't appreciate that AT ALL, but everyone was okay about it. My stepdad basically said, "So? That's fine, what's the big deal?" My dad ended up taunting her about it... she asked him to find a hot surfer guy in Hawaii for me, and my dad replied with, "You know most of the women I've met in Hawaii are lesbians, right?" Mom raged so hard, and I laughed. xD But yeah, she was so mean to me for the longest time... in fact, I think she still thinks it was a phase. I've been in a relationship with a guy for a few years, so she must think I'm straight or something. *sigh*
But yeah, for anyone who isn't sure whether they should come out yet or not... just do it when you feel comfortable with it. There's no rush. If anyone gives you any problems, ignore them... you are who you are, and you can't change that... and don't even try to change yourself just to satisfy anyone else. And when you do come out, I think it's a good idea to prepare yourself for answering questions about it. Some people can get really curious lol.
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