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 Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 12:51 pm
I saw this in the WF a year ago, and loved the Idea. Lol, I thought i'd make a thread of it for here.
Dear Isaac,
First, let me say how sorry I am for allowing you to be kidnapped. And tortured. And raped. I'm actually really sorry about the last one. Really, really sorry. It actually wasn’t planned at all. But I’m not sorry that I’m gonna have you shot in the knee cap, because you're gonna break down and blow a hole in your chest anyway. Oops, you weren't supposed to know that. Oh well, now that it's out, i'm sorry about that too. However, you're welcome for the sex scene, I think I deserve some credit for that. Oh, and I’m sorry that things aren't gonna work out with Rachelle because after the kidnapping she's gonna be moved across the country and her group home is gonna be shut down. But hay, you leave behind a pretty corpse, so you're welcome for that too. All in all, sorry about everything that I have done, or plan to do. It had to be somebody, so I chose you. And yes, it's because you're my favorite.
Sincerest apologies
-your auther
_____________________________________________________
Dear Evil, heartless b***h,
Yah, i'm pretty sorry about that too. Although I'm sure you'd be just a small bit more upset if it... um... HAPPENED TO YOU! And what do you mean i'm gonna die? I'm fifteen years old, I don't wanna die! Seriously, are you getting some sort of deranged pleasure out of all this? You sick, sad little moo cow! Sombody needs to get you help! And i'm beginning to think that you think i'm hot. PLEASE, PLEASE JUST MAKE ME RUN OFF WITH A MARY-SUE! Half of the other guys in the WF get to. But no, you need to totally go psychobitch and send Rachelle away. You'd better write a good death scene!
And what the hell is with you letting me constantly have the s**t beaten out of me? Make me stand up to the bullies, why the hell am I just laying there taking it? And the ONE cool thing that i get to "do", you take away from me for being "unrealistic". You suck. Please, please just die in a hole. Just write me a happy ending before you do. Please!
-Isaac
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:13 am
Hey, can you maybe change this to 'letters to and from your characters'? Because there used to be a thread for that in the WF once, and I really enjoyed that. That is, where the character writes to you about their story.
Also, I think it's a better exercise that you writing to them, because you're practising characterisation rather than just your own voice.
What do you think?
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 3:38 am
Sure, i'll go change the title right now biggrin
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Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:29 pm
I have a file somewhere of some "letters of apology" I wrote to my characters in a WF thread a while ago. xd I seem to recall Nathan's went something along the lines of, "You brought it on yourself." ninja
*reads over the old letters* Wow, these were really heartless. xd "I'm sorry for not regretting gouging out your eye"? Harsh.
I'll, uh...get right on this when I get the time. Or something. Yeah.
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Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 8:04 am
Quote: Dear Madam- I am writing to inform you that we know you keep favorites, and to please stop denying the fact. It is really getting rather ridiculous. In fact, I can name them right here. God knows, I have to spend most of my day with them.. Azrael, Moose, Shigure, Fubuki, Yvon, that awful Sphinx and myself, not to mention the shady gentleman I've seen lurking around the corners for a few days now. I hope you don't intend to let him in here, for he seems quite dreadful. Not only do you keep favorites, but it has come to our attention that you keep A Favorite specifically. You know who I'm talking about; and you also know that he'd prefer it if you stop- you know, I'm sure. The same goes for myself and Yogan. Enough, please. I do not appreciate being given the role I'm always given in these situations. It doesn't even come naturally to me. Stop. Please. Now. We are not your toys. We are your characters. Show us some respect. - Ike Kako
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:26 am
Yukio Dear Sue; This is to notify you that in spite of how much I tell Zarr and the others that I would very much appreciate you dying in a fire, that I'm actually not particularly displeased with my storyline. Although you of all people know how I enjoy the occasional violent beating, of course. Of course, I'd like to thank you for forcing me into marrying that elf girl as well. You were right -- I don't hate it, and having a family is far less distasteful than I expected. Not all of this is a letter of thanks, though. For one thing, I wish you'd put more thought into naming me, but I suppose the sound fits and I can't complain. Honestly, stop trying to CHANGE my name on me -- at my age, that's much more upsetting than having one totally outside my native culture. Here's my further list of urgent concerns in short -- first, please allow me to file a creatorly restraining order against Zarr. There is absolutely nothing I can do to defend myself against a god-type creature who has no grasp of social boundaries. Secondly, stop sending the rest of the male cast after Windi. It's getting terribly old, and I can tell that not even she enjoys the attention anymore. She didn't even crack a smile when she pistol-whipped Zarr the other evening. Third and finally, stop panicking when you cannot "write" or "draw" me. I always come back, and have for years now. You know this, stop trying to force it like the idiot you are. It's horrifically embarassing for me, and for yourself. Love; Yukio Sage
Zarr Dear b***h; Yukio is mine. Go die. ...j/k I love you. But please stop killing me in-plot, it's not cool. At all. Because I know you're a step away from bodily mutilation, and so help me if that happens I will murder you. Somehow. Love and Kisses; Zarr <3 PS - I want a nintendo DS for my birthday plz <3
Vachel To Whom it May Concern; I would like to make it clear to whoever is in charge of the current state of affairs that I am TERRIBLY displeased about being uprooted from my life and career, only to be dumped into this nonsensical world of "magic" and other bunk. As no one will help me locate who I should be contacting to lodge this complaint, I am hoping that this letter eventually reaches the correct party. Hopefully someone will assist in removing me back to my proper place in the proper world. I would also like to plead for assistance in Windi's case, as well -- she is in the same situation as myself, but has fallen much harder under the influence of this land. She may need to be forcibly returned to her home, but I am convinced it will be worth it. Please help set things to rights ASAP, or I will be lodging further complaints in the future. Yours Sincerely; Vachel.
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:04 am
Skell Dear Madame, I have not had the pleasure of directly addressing you before now. I would like to say that you are some kind of sadistic demon who should be put to death along with Gerhard (however one would go about that) and the Emperor. Also, that poem you wrote about me was terrible. I don't care if it was an English assignment. I agree that you are no good at poetry. At least now I am certain of how I will meet my end: doing the "Hemp Fandango." To continue on my theme, you are very talented with prose either, judging from the way all of your characters commit suicide or die a horrible death. I think they just wanted out of your plotline. I hope you choke on a giant spider in your sleep and die. Sincerely, Skell Speaker Randy DUUUDE! <3<3<3<3 THANK YOU! That stupid comic relief lizard is gone! I bow to your greatness. Terri is also a lot more frightening and Gryphon is no longer a talking wall. (Insert happy dance here) You are doing brilliantly, mah cap-ee-tan! I can't wait to see how you fix the rest of the stupid quest. *cough* I would, however, like to put in a request before you continue with your amazing work: I would like a love interest. Someone who is not going to set me on fire . . . or die . . . or have their brother kill me. (aka NOT AGNI or the wench) With much anticipation and adoration, Randy T. Arch Dagmar Dear Sirs, Skell, Get Over It. You're lucky Gerhard is with you. If he was with someone else he'd probably molest you. But considering his current corporeal inhibitions, you are safer than you would've been. Randy, that was really a very nice try. No. Love, The Writer
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:01 pm
Vitae Woman-- It has recently come to my attention that you have been spending valuable writing time on some project currently known as "Project Unspeakable." This would not normally bother me, save for the fact that it is an unholy breach of your own canon and it is detracting from time you ought to be spending finishing chapter fifteen. As far as I know Jericho's claim on your life still stands if you do not finish that chapter within a timely manner. I would like to add my own claim if you do not put aside this "Project Unspeakable" until a more appropriate time. (See: Never.) Hatefully, distrustfully, and disdainfully yours, Vitae Silias PS. Would you take it into consideration to give me a more appropriate middle name? I understand it is never officially mentioned, but all the same, I thought it was a rule that first and middle names should sound good together. Nathan Dear Mom, I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. PLEASE FINISH "PROJECT UNSPEAKABLE" SOON. While you're at it, make me some birthday art. You do still remember when my birthdday is, right? *puppy eyes* Hugs and kisses! Nathan~ Yinda O God, I think that's how you're supposed to start things like this. Anyway, O God, I'm having Vi copy all this down because you wouldn't be able to read my handwriting and my spelling ain't so good. Um, what I really wanted to ask is if I really truly have to get lit on fire in a few chapters? That's...kind of mean, don't you think? Why me? And how come Sabine's the only one who gets out of this plot without any physical damage, huh? You got a thing for her or something? See, I almost think you've got a thing for her. And, well, that's not fair, if you get me. Why not set her on fire instead? That's what I want to know. Not that I want Sabine to burn, either, or Jericho to get his eye cut up, or Vitae to get hurt, or Richard or that little prince killed, or Natey...eh, do what you want to Natey, I don't really care. But couldn't you be a little nicer? Just a little? Please? Amen. Jericho To the person in charge of this circus: Hey, thanks for paying attention to me the past couple weeks! As you've probably noticed, it's payed off. I'm a person now! Bet you didn't see that one coming. Just a few requests, though, a couple things to consider before summer starts: 1) I need more art. Seriously. Right now all I have is a headshot, and even though it's a pretty good one, even Sabine has more art than that. 2) You really need to pay a little more attention to my ma. Not just my ma, either, but Mr. and Mrs. Landsman, and Sabine's parents, too. You're going to have to write them in the first couple chapters of Draft Two anyway, so you might as well take down some notes ahead of time. 3) Not that I'm bitter or anything, but MY EYE. You're going to gouge out my EYE? That's sick, all right? Just sick. 4) Don't you dare make me wear a cravat. It may work for Nathan, it may be funny on Vitae, but I downright refuse. Point-blank, end of story. Yes, this stems from my fear of strangulation, and yes it's all your fault. Well, I guess that's all for now. See you when I see you. And by the way, you might want to hurry up and do your prompt tonight before you get behind. -Jericho Sabine Dear Miss Writer: You're terrible. Why can't you leave everyone alone? What did they ever do to deserve eye-gouging, burns, severe beatings, broken bones, lung disease, emotional and mental trauma, and everything else you've been planning? You're cruel, that's what you are. Cruel and immoral and plenty of other things I'd like to say but won't. Oh, and if you think I'm going to clean up after your messes, no. I refuse. From now on, you deal with the damage on your own. Cordially, Sabine Connely PS. I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH NATHAN. SHUT UP. Leste Dear Person Who Might Kill Me: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. -Leste Raincrow Dear Victim--I mean Vitae: I'll write what I want when I want, and right now I want to write Project Unspeakable. And I see nothing wrong with the name Vitae Torin. Oops. -Woman --- Oh My Son and Oh the Delight of Mine Eyes, Don't think your histrionic display of affection will affect the rate at which I finish Project Unspeakable. As for birthday art, we'll see. -Mom --- O Creation, It's so cute how you still think I'm God. In answer to your question, yes, you do have to get lit on fire. It's not because I don't love you, it's because it makes things interesting. The reason I don't plan to do anything to Sabine is because that makes her emotional suffering that much more amusing. Besides, it's awkward having an herbalist tend herself. So May it be Written, So May it be Done. --- To the clown in the little car: Yes, I agree, you're much more interesting as a person than you were as a Hero. In response to your requests: 1) I'll do what I can, but I'll tell you straight: You're not very interesting to draw in the first place. 2) I know, I know. I'm working on it. I had it all figured out on a napkin last summer, but I don't for the life of me know where it ended up. 3) Yep, YOUR EYE. 4) You'd look horrible in lace, kthxbai. Hey, wanna do my prompt for me? -The Ringleader --- Dear Miss Herbalist: Yes, I am cruel. I rather thought that wouldn't be such a startling revelation after three years. And yes, you will clean up after me. You know why? Because that's how I made you. You care too much to let the others suffer; why else would you yell at me for hurting them? -Miss Writer PS. YES YOU ARE. YOU SHUT UP. xp --- Dear Arbitrary Side Character Otherwise Known as Leste, I might not. -Your Writer
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Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:55 pm
More, yay: Gerhard Dear Sir or Madame, I, like my young compatriot, do not know much of you, but I like the way you think. I find the way he's going to die poetic, by the way, which makes me wonder about your other deaths. I am quite curious. I would, however, like to pose a question to you and I would greatly appreciate some sort of plot work that included an answer. Ahem: WHAT THE HELL AM I? With Admiration, Master Gerhard Valentine Fellow Deity, I'm finding this transition you are trying to force me into a rather difficult one. Not to mention I am dead. This idea of yours would make more sense if you were to make this new Valentine my son or something ridiculous and slap-dash like that. It is not likely the narrative in which he would appear would be read by anyone but you and your cronies anyway. Also, thank you for the quick and painless death. I found the way you used my corpse as a greeting card quite endearing. May He Avoid You Like the Plague and Send You Directly to Purgatory, God Valentine of Night and Prey P.S. I pray my son is as sarcastic as I was or am. (Your sideways view of my time line plays hell with verb tenses.) Lycaon Dag, You and I are on pretty good terms, right? I mean you RP with the stuffy Count version of me. So, I've got a few questions about this new plot business: This new me is me, right? I've just got over the culture shock, right? What happens to my lovely wife? She's okay, right? What happens to my godhood? Why the eighties? --- Count Lycaon, God of the Hunt Dagmar Dear Sirs, Why are you all sirs? I need some more female characters with personalities more complex than a stick. Anyways, to answer your letters: Dear Gerhard, Thank you. Look forward to an increase in bloodshed. I've just seen Marat/Sade and Sade gives me some ideas for future monologues. Also, the fop made me think of you. I hope you enjoy. YOU ARE A SOCIALLY GRACEFUL SERIAL KILLER (and newly dubbed nymphomaniac). Val, Deity? Really? If you insist. 'We appreciate your suggestion and it has been duly noted. Thank you for your time.' Lycaon, I think you've gotten dumber. And stop using 'right' at the end of your questions. That is irritating. The new you is you. You've just integrated. Your wife is dead because she's shallow. Your godhood is gone because I said. I'm pretty sure Huthar is not going to be pleased with you when his precious daughter is dead. And I sent you to the eighties because you enjoy Duran Duran and that hair of yours is verging on mullet status. Love, The Writer
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Posted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:11 pm
Dear Creator,
Why have you made my life such a living hell!?! Stop dressing me up in apron's a making me such a damn sissy! And what about my wife? Stop making her run off to place unknown!!! I get loney without her....
Oh yeah! And start writing something about us!! We've been sitting in a waiting room and Maye is starting to get on my nerves. She's a frickin' ball of energy. She'd be much cuter in shorter portions. If you're not going to write about us, at least draw us. You've only draw Karin and Maye! What about the rest of us!?!
Gods I hate you right now. Please get me a new hairstyle or something. Ugh.
Without Love,
.........Hexx
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Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 7:39 pm
Quote: Dear Dee, I didn't need another personality taking over my mind. I have enough troubles with just my own, thank you very much. You didn't need to make it hurt so much, and decreasing my life force so I couldn't spend the time I wanted with my lover was a little cruel too. He's going to outlive me exponentially. Think about a happy ending or I'll haunt you for the rest of your days, Salene. Quote: Dear jerk, It's Dana. You know what you did, and I know what you're planning. If you took one second to think about where I'm coming from, instead of arbitrarily deciding I needed to be taken advantage of in the wee small hours of the morning and such, not to mention that little school scene, you might make a few changes. ~~~~ Quote: Dear characters, As much as I'd love to make all your proverbial dreams come true, and I know some of you would like to live long lives, I must respectfully decline. Your business is my business, and this is not a damn democracy. Get over it and cope like you should. I know most of your limits, and you have more than enough personal support and mental duress to make the grade. If something doesn't fit right, I will change it, but otherwise it stays. Even the dragon. We're not really on speaking terms right now, short and sweet make the grade.
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:48 pm
Quote: Dear Auther, Wow, that's cold. If I knew that that was how we'd end up, I never would have even talked to him. I really think that you need to get some serious mental help. -Erin
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