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Cool4 Wrote part of an actual story

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hmm
  I'll fix up Spacing later if it is messed up
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cool4

Buggy Glitch

PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:57 pm


Please note it is neither finished nor fully edited.

Quote:
Destiny
“It’s time,” the teary eyed mother spoke with a soft elegance, as she handed her new born off to the officer in the predestined path Office. She a waited hoping her child would share in the family gift of dancers.

From the Day Children are born to when they are 18 they spend those years training to be Perfects, the best gifted most prized of all in the working class. Then there’s the Out Dated they were perfect once were taught and gifted much the same, but the new perfects replace them they were taught everything from the out dated. But not everyone turns out right. There’s the Failures, in the young training years they are taught and taught but never pick up the trade. Some believe they are killed, others think they spend the rest of their life in prison, and others assume they are altered to start fresh in a new trade.

“Dancer,” Madison the Waiting mother heard Madeline her Daughter would be a Dancer. A sigh of relief passed through her, she was once again holding her new born daughter, and soon to be dancer.
Madeline Started being taught by an Outdated as soon as she could walk. She was a little clumsy at first but pretty soon balance was second nature to her. A few more years passed and she could do basic steps a few single turns, but never quite what she needed to be perfect. When she was 10 she was only half the level everyone else was. Finding it frustrating, she worried she would ruin the family name and be a failure. She didn’t want that.

“Stand up straight, Stomach in, and Jump” Madeline grumbled at the words of her teacher. She didn’t like the constant nagging but knew it was necessary. The rotation of girls started as they were practicing jumps. It was Madeline’s turn she tried her best but had a rough landing. She could almost manage the jump but the turn makes it difficult.

She was 17 now one more year and her predestined path would be determined as Perfect or Failure. It made her nervous. Most of the other girls had moved on to other out dated Instructors, but Madeline was fine she felt she didn’t relate to them that well. One more year to full fill her destiny or she would be taken to where ever the Failures go. She worked as hard as ever often tears streaming the sides of her cheeks.

She could recall the last couple of months her instructor’s commentary “You’ll be a failure, you know.” It brought tears to her face and a smile to a frown.

It was destiny day her performance in front of the predestined judges, she was nervous her solo was well practiced but she was scared the other girls had more skill hers was designed to disguise her horrible form not accentuate her technique. She started out beautifully did a few turns and jumps, but the smile on her face lost focus as she stumbled on a jump, she tried to work it into the act but you could tell it upset her.
She went home tears blurring her make-up and drowning her face. Her mother comforted her but she was sad faced as well. Then they came. The takers they come to adopt the new failures. The only ones that know what actually happens to the Failures.


Edit: Fixed up some Spacing.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:28 am


cool4
Please note it is neither finished nor fully edited.

Quote:
Destiny
“It’s time,” the teary eyed mother spoke with a soft elegance, as she handed her new born off to the officer in the predestined path Office. She a waited hoping her child would share in the family gift of Dancers.
From the Day Children are born to when they are 18 they spend those years training to be Perfects, the best gifted most prized of all in the working class. Then there’s the Out-Dated, they were perfect once were taught and gifted much the same, but as the new perfects replace them they were taught everything from the out dated. But not everyone turns out right. There’s the Failures, in the young training years they are taught and taught but never pick up the trade. Some believe they are killed, others think they spend the rest of their life in prison, and others assume they are altered to start fresh in a new trade.
“Dancer,” Madison the Waiting mother heard that Madeline her Daughter would be a Dancer. A sigh of relief passed through her, she was once again holding her new born daughter, and soon to be dancer.
Madeline Started being taught by an Out-Dated as soon as she could walk. She was a little clumsy at first but pretty soon balance was second nature to her. A few more years passed and she could do basic steps a few single turns, but never quite what she needed to be perfect. When she was 10 she was only half the level everyone else was. Finding it frustrating, she worried she would ruin the family name and be a failure. She didn’t want that.
“Stand up straight, Stomach in, and Jump” Madeline grumbled at the words of her teacher. She didn’t like the constant nagging but knew it was necessary. The rotation of girls started as they were practicing jumps. It was Madeline’s turn she tried her best but had a rough landing. She could almost manage the jump but the turn makes it difficult.
She was 17 now one more year and her predestined path would be determined as Perfect or Failure. It made her nervous. Most of the other girls had moved on to other Out-Dated Instructors, but Madeline was fine, though she felt that she didn’t relate to them that well. One more year to full fill her destiny or she would be taken to where ever the Failures go. She worked as hard as ever, often tears streaming the sides of her cheeks.
She could recall the last couple of months her instructor’s commentary “You’ll be a failure, you know.” It brought tears to her face and a smile to a frown.
It was destiny day, time for her performance in front of the predestined judges. She was nervous, her solo was well practiced but she was scared the other girls had more skill, hers was designed to disguise her horrible form not accentuate her technique. She started out beautifully did a few turns and jumps, but the smile on her face lost focus as she stumbled on a jump, she tried to work it into the act but you could tell it upset her.
She went home tears blurring her make-up and drowning her face. Her mother comforted her but she was sad faced as well. Then they came. The takers they come to adopt the new failures. The only ones that know what actually happens to the Failures.

here, i edited it the best i know how. i put in red anything i think should be included. and everything in green that should be deleted. its a pretty good story. and i would like to hear the rest, i think that it has good merit for publishing if you go to the right one.

sacredsouless


cool4

Buggy Glitch

PostPosted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:28 pm


Wow Seriously. Hmm I have no Intentions of becoming a writer/ I think I need more Details. But i sha'll .Write more. when I get a chance
PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:37 pm


I wrote a bit more HAven't put it up yet. But I'm trying to think what's gonna happen.

cool4

Buggy Glitch

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