oh em gee!!
Gabriella here!!
oh em gee!!
This is lyk totally my vury furst evur utopian thread!!
-lyk cheer-
Lyk totally.
oh em gee!!
The other lyk day, I was lyk walking in the hall, and I lyk almost got run into by that one lyk geek or whatev who runs thru the entire school evury day!!
Lyk nowai!!
I was soo mad, I lyk edited my super cool list of lyk popularity and put him at the bottom!!
I mean, duh! What a loser!!
Pssh.
Lyk nowai!!
My vury furst thread!
I am lyk teh secks!
oh em gee, nowai!!
I just realized that we are getting some lyk ice cream!!
I hope it's vuhnilla because I lyk cannot take chocolate!!
It gets all stainy on my cheer uniform, and I lyk have to lyk do work.
-shudder-
oh em gee!! It's chocolate!!
I lyk cannot take this!!
Don't they know that chocolate has lyk eleventy times the fat as vuhnilla??
I'm lyk trying to lose ten pounds, and I can't take this lyk chocolate!!
oh em gee, that reminds me!!
I'm trying to lose lyk 10% of my lyk body weight because yesterday another girl on the squad called me fat!!
She was lyk, "u r teh fat!!"
I was lyk, "o no u di~int!!"
She was lyk, "o yus i di~id!!"
I was lyk, "o no u di~int!!"
She was lyk, "o yea i di~id"
Then she lyk called me fat again!!
I was lyk, "o no u di~int!!"
She was lyk, "STFU U STUPID B***H!!"
I was lyk, "O: oh em gee, coach said we weren't lyk supposed to call people bishes!! Lyk, I am so telling on you!! Lyk, coach!! She called me a bish again, coach!!"
And coach was lyk, "oh em gee, should we throw a party or just kick you off the squad now? You lyk totally need to work on your underhanded overflipping uppercutter backspring headshouldersknees&toes super kick!!"
I was lyk, "o no u di~int!!"
And then I flicked her off with a z-snap.
Ha, I lyk completely told her!!
Betcha I'll be squad leader next year unlike that stupid bish Britney.
I mean, duh, she's lyke a hippopotamus or something!!
oh em gee!!
So I just lyk found out that this--
WE INTERRUPT THIS POINTLESS, MINDLESS RANT FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!
Empress of Aquileia was admitted into the Miami Valley Hospital five seconds ago with a detrimental blow to his brain. Doctors say the severe injury to the brain was caused by an excessive amount of pretending to be some sort of teen cheerleader.
Status unknown.
Let us take a moment to pause and reflect the bold move he underwent to accurately portray the most substantial qualities of female leaders of cheers.
Thank you.
THIS JUST IN!!
Cheerleader Gabriella featured above has been reportedly shot by the entire student body.
The flag was lowered to half mast in other of the teacher who died laughing.
May that poor innocent teacher rest in peace.
And this concludes our evening broadcast!
Tune in tomorrow night for our next top story:
Emo.
Emo-tional or emo-FUN-nel?
