Hey there everyone.
I've been a member of this guild for quite awhile now, but every time I've started this post I get scared [I haven't even been lurking recently] I've decided it's time for me to just put myself out there - at least virtually.
I'm nearly 24 years old and I should know who I am, but I feel so lost. I think that I'm either homosexual or
asexual, but I can't be sure. I am pretty sure that I don't like guys that way, but I'm a very insecure person and have a hard time trusting my instincts (if I'm even understanding them correctly). I've never even been in a relationship, not really. I'm so shy that I can't even flirt, I seriously wouldn't know how to.
I feel separate from everything and everyone around me. I don't know if it's my insecurity or my personality, but I often feel invisible at social gatherings. I've got few friends and don't see them often. My entire high school career consisted of me and two friends (each of which had many other friends, but they never really noticed me) and that's how I left.
I didn't even go to prom, no one asked me, and why should they have, I'm a nobody. And, I wasn't going to waste money dressing up just to be a wallflower all night. I don't think my parents even noticed; it was just like any other night.
I refuse to watch
The 40-year old Virgin, I'm afraid that could be me someday, and though it's just supposed to be a funny movie, my life is
not a comedy.
I so often feel disconnected, it depresses me. I just kind of drift through life. I'm standing on a knife's edge - I don't want to be alone in how I'm feeling, but I don't want anyone else to feel this way.
Now, getting this all out has helped me some.
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