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 Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 7:22 pm
So today is the first day in a long while that I've thought about two of the girls who have left my life. I hope people dont think this is crass, but since I know for a fact neither of them have a Gaian account, or know Gaia exists, I hope no one minds if i use their real first names.
Anyway, I thought about Ashlee today; and what I find odd is the farther someone gets from your memory, the more ideal they become. They lose all theyre annoying habits and such, and just become this kind of "ghost" that you wish would just come back. They never lose the good qualities, they get amplified. What i remember about Ashlee, is she talked alot; and there are two kinds of people in this world the kind that you want to hear talk, and the kind you dont want to hear talk. The farther Ashlee gets from my memory the more i think she was the former. i met her when i was 16 and here I am two years later, with these faint, but vibrant memories of her and its like theres just this rush of memory; al the cute things we did that really wears me down when it happens.
I also thought about Amy today, Amy is much more recent, which is most likely the reason why it wears me down so. I miss her, but i could never tell her that and even if i could she wouldnt want to hear it
both of these girls are happy now completly happy
discuss:
sadness
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:39 am
When I first moved, there was this guy who rubbed me the wrong way after we first met. I didn't want anything to do with him until I found out from a friend, who had been ditching class with him, that he liked me and actually wanted to take me on a date but because I wouldn't even speak to him, he was crushed and didn't know what to do. I decided to give him a second chance and get to know him better because maybe he wasn't the jerk I thought he was. He turned out to be nice albeit a bit slow. I mean that as, he really didn't have much in the way of tact. I haven't spoken to him in half a year, not since before he dropped out of school (halfway through his senior year, how dumb rolleyes ) but already I'm starting to forget all his bad habits and how they made me feel at the time. It's like I know he did stupid things, said jerkish comments, and was a pain in the a** to deal with, but at the same time all the good things about him outweigh everything else. I vividly remember how dedicated he was to his friends, that he was always there for us, and I remember that he didn't play around when it came to a girl in a less than healthy relationship. I mean, he wouldn't even take it from a friend if they referred to their girlfriend as a "b***h" or another word... stare
It makes me sad, the thought of never speaking to him again. He actually was a good friend some of the time.
It's the same way when people die, you know? No one ever focuses on the person's bad qualities. Everyone always says what a good and selfless person they were, even if they were rude or catty.  Our Love Is In A Time Capsule
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 11:48 am
I think that in a way, its better if we do that. Hold someones memory up and forget all about those negative things that used to drive us wild. That way you can look back on people in your life and do nothing but smile, i know I cant do anything but feel glad whenever I think of those two A's that were in my life.
Good or bad, better or worse; the people in your life help you inevitbly to become who you are today.
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 11:50 am
i miss my friend. i knew this girl in middle school, she quickly became my best friend. we always did things together and were always over at each other's houses. then we started high school, and ended up going to seperate schools, and i just never talk to her anymore. i've never been good with people, so i just kind of let out relationship fall apart. i miss her D:
that and she has some of my stuff, and i have no idea how i'm going to get it back DD::
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:30 pm
i think im in love haha for the second time in my life I truely believe i am in love
and it makes me laugh to see what I wrote only a couple of days ago; but after that a good friend of mine has turned out to be so much more
she has always been there and today i realized it
it hit me like a tidal wave that i was in love with her that for that singular moment in time, no one else mattered
we were in CW ((colonial williamsburg)) its a place like 5 mins from where I live in Virginia, anyway
we were talking about what the clouds looked like ((hahaha, lame right?))
and then all of a sudden she got up and started twirling, spinning around in fast circles and thats when it hit me that i could love her
i also think theres a possiblity she at least likes me its hard to explain but you should just see us together
my two courses of action:
1. Tell her; I'm obviously afaid of this for the obvious reasons; but theresa couple less obvious ones. Please dont judge, but im 18 and shes 16; and I know I know all the stigmas and such but I implore you not to judge im not some ***** :/ im also afraid of her dad haha her dad is a piano player at the resort my mom directs at; ive seen this guy hes a big man and he doesnt like the fact i dont talk ((literally im mute in real life)) and im also afraid for the cliche "i dont want to ruin what we have" "i dont want to be shot down" etc etc reasons
2. Remain silent ((pun intended)) and eventually let the moment pass me by; im afraid of this only because i know what its like to always wonder what if; but on the same token i think im more afraid of the first option :/
Im quite confused haha, maybe I shouldve started a whole new thread topic for this but I consider some of you my good e-friends and was hoping for some solid advice
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Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:52 pm
I may not know much about the subject of love and the hurt that comes with loosing it, but I think it's better to hold on to the memories in hope of feeling that way again.
As to the knew happenings, I'd say something. You never get anything by sitting down and waching things pass, if you want it you have to go for it. Getting shot down is just another test of our ability to get back up.
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:57 am
PoetVirgil I think that in a way, its better if we do that. Hold someones memory up and forget all about those negative things that used to drive us wild. That way you can look back on people in your life and do nothing but smile, i know I cant do anything but feel glad whenever I think of those two A's that were in my life.
Good or bad, better or worse; the people in your life help you inevitbly to become who you are today. I know but remembering only the good things makes it that much harder to let go of someone for good. I guess I just wish there was an easier way out. Our Love Is In A Time Capsule
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:31 am
DEATH AND BUBBLES I may not know much about the subject of love and the hurt that comes with loosing it, but I think it's better to hold on to the memories in hope of feeling that way again. As to the knew happenings, I'd say something. You never get anything by sitting down and waching things pass, if you want it you have to go for it. Getting shot down is just another test of our ability to get back up.
havent you ever been in that situation where youd rather have someone as a friend than not at all?
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:54 pm
PoetVirgil im scared though, i mean what if what i was feeling was completely one sided, you know? what if it scares her so much that she just leaves and i never see her again?
havent you ever been in that situation where youd rather have someone as a friend than not at all? Well has she given any signs that the feeling might be mutual? If the friendship is strong I don't think that should be too much of a problem. Yes, but my question to you is this: Do you want her in your life, or do you wasnt to share your life with her?
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:09 pm
DEATH AND BUBBLES Well has she given any signs that the feeling might be mutual? If the friendship is strong I don't think that should be too much of a problem. Yes, but my question to you is this: Do you want her in your life, or do you wasnt to share your life with her?
likeee for example; shed like lean back into me when we would be standing looking at random stuff in CW; but then again maybe she just has bad balance
or when i was looking at clouds and trying to explain to her what i saw ((haha i have an over active imagination and would see just about anything in the most random cloud blob)) she would like hold my hand in a way that wasnt necessery for pointing out what i saw in the clouds
haha i guess thats difficult to explain
but i think theres a difference between hand holding and "hand-holding"
idk i really want to be with her you know? like siera is one of the most beautiful people i have ever met and id be the happiest ((not to mention the luckiest)) boy to have her
haha
idk
i sound so cheesy right now
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:23 pm
PoetVirgil I am really reall bad at reading signs; but there were times where like it felt mutual you know?
likeee for example; shed like lean back into me when we would be standing looking at random stuff in CW; but then again maybe she just has bad balance
or when i was looking at clouds and trying to explain to her what i saw ((haha i have an over active imagination and would see just about anything in the most random cloud blob)) she would like hold my hand in a way that wasnt necessery for pointing out what i saw in the clouds
haha i guess thats difficult to explain
but i think theres a difference between hand holding and "hand-holding"
idk i really want to be with her you know? like siera is one of the most beautiful people i have ever met and id be the happiest ((not to mention the luckiest)) boy to have her
haha
idk
i sound so cheesy right now > > ...If you were my brother, chances are I'd slap you upside athe head and tell you to wake up and smell the roses. I think she likes you. I personally don't think you sound cheesy, every one is at that point sometime. Some people are just better at remembering that than others.
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:50 pm
DEATH AND BUBBLES > > ...If you were my brother, chances are I'd slap you upside athe head and tell you to wake up and smell the roses. I think she likes you. I personally don't think you sound cheesy, every one is at that point sometime. Some people are just better at remembering that than others.
you give good advice and i appretiate it
were hanging out again on Friday, and i think ill make sure that shes still giving off those vibes
if so
ill tell her when the moments right
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:46 pm
PoetVirgil haha as i was writing it; i was like "OMG kris she was totally giving you signs that shes interested"
you give good advice and i appretiate it
were hanging out again on Friday, and i think ill make sure that shes still giving off those vibes
if so
ill tell her when the moments right Anytime bro'. Godspeed and good hunting.
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:30 am
Hmm.
The first boyfriend I ever had, cheated on me for about, one year and seven months--he told me.
The next one cheated on me, I found out by myself.
After that, the next guy I was with kept mocking me, but sarcastically (I take things seriously).
At the end of last year, my boyfriend (whom I truly loved), did not love me back.
After two months of being tired of relationships and men, one of my guy friends started to like me, so we got to know each other better, and got together for two months. I could never trust him, so I always asked him if he was cheating on me or hiding something. I don't know to this day if he was, or not, but I later found out how annoyingly idiotic he is.
And now, here I am, happily single.
Hum. Why don't you guys go and...get to know each other, again? :0 See how much you've changed, and such.
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:52 pm
she likes me she likes me she likes me :]
haha i havent felt this happy in a while
@doodle: id love to meet up with ashlee or amy later on in life but seriously, id hate to say this but i burned those bridges a long time ago and i wish i hadnt
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