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Hatred

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Skyraa

 
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:31 pm


HATRED

Brushing the Fire
Fanning the Flames
Drawing the line
Depravity Creates.

Gravity Weighs
Vision Spins
A Single Straw Settles
Breaking Down Even the Very Best of Men.

People Line Up
Shifting Weight
Pitting Themselves against a World Full of Hate.

Fire Catches
Ragged and Worn Thin
Burn
Like Sickness,
Fire Spreads.

Hopelessness
"They Don't Stand A Chance"
The Shooting Star Falls
Spitting Embers
Flames Annhilating Both Land and Man.

Resolves Crack
The Strong Break
Everything's Doomed In A World Full of Hate.  
PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:40 pm


I really enjoyed reading this, if you are looking for critique here are a few questions I had while reading. Is everything capitalized on purpose? Generally I find that if you only capitalize a few words, you put more emphasis on them. Do you want the stanza length to be sporadic? I really liked the rhythm of the first few stanzas, but in the last half the rhythm changes, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Also in the last section, maybe use the word 'resolutions' instead of 'resolves'? That might work a little better.

Metal Adrasteia

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Skyraa

 
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2009 10:49 pm


haha. Thanks. I generally go on instinct and so I'm not exactly sure of the motives behind my capitalization and the like. However, when I actually write it on paper, everything's pretty different. For instance, my format is very...all over the place I suppose you could say. Anyways, thanks so much once again. Good idea too! haha.
~Sky~
PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:22 pm


I liked this! It was both dark and light, which is hard to achive, good work!

Tink_Bel

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