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 Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 6:45 pm
OK so nobody has posted a thread here yet... I feel kind of nervous being the first one, but I came here to share. So here are some of my poems, feel free to critique them. I love input even if it's not complimentary.
of course I wouldn't object to compliments if you really feel the need to express them...*wink wink*
The World of Reflection
The world of Reflection is a very strange place
odd place
up-side-down.
There
the rock hard ways of gravity
have changed in their complexity.
Pulling
up
instead of
down
changing the whole world around.
Green grass covered earth
really is the sky
and the sky, so way down high
forms the endless ground below you.
A violet tinted force-field bubble
holds in all the air
and clouds float up
from the infinite ocean
that collects at the bottom of the world.
You walk along the clear pane paths
that hang from poles attached to grass
crystal houses hang down too
flashing brightly
in fractured sunlight.
Birds flutter
stopping to perch
on the underside of trees.
The air
thin and light
soft, with mists of humidity
smelling like apple grass
flowing in the cool salty breeze.
Below through the clouds
squinting, you may see
tiny ripple waves flowing in
swirling patterns
east to west, then back again
the whirlpool currents of
the ocean in the sky.
At night
you look down through a sky light
at the glowing triple moons
their images bent
by the watery looking-glass sea.
The planet itself
shines like a star
a jewel ablaze, with jaded shades of
blue, purple, and green.
A glimmering, shimmering
Giant Light Show!
The beautiful
up-side-down world
of Reflection.
This is the first one. After some people reply, I'll put up another one. That way we won't get too confused, hopefully. ^-^'
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:12 pm
O_O I love it. I was totally lost in the pictures that put in my head. That's probably going to be on my mind for a while.
...Not much else to say, is there? Lovely pacing... again with the imagery thing, that was fabulous... I'm going to print this out, most definitely. Keep it in my binder of Art, Words, and Ultimate Awesomeness, as I call it. Yes, I have a binder for that.
Anyway, super awesome. I'm too out there in the World of Reflection to really say much else.
~Melo
EDIT: Oh, and may I make a copy of this in the Spotlight section? I think it deserves to be there. ^^ I'd just quote your entire post with the same title,, only I make the thread. I wouldn't want to move it completely or have people spotlighting their own stuff, now.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:58 pm
I <3 the up-side-down world of reflection. The imagery is amazing indeed. I could get lost in a world like that.
The only pressing issue I find is the odd breaks in the lines. I'm not sure if you purposely hit enter at those points, or if you've gone through and just hit enter randomly.
Otherwise, I loved it!
If I were to design my own Haven, I know where to go for imagery.
(:
Nicely done.
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:29 pm
Thanks folks! ^.^
I'm glad you liked it. My favorite part is the imagery too, I've always wanted to paint or draw a picture of something like that out it never turns out the same way I see it in my head. I love the World of Reflection, It's my favorite place to think about, If I could I'd love to go there for vacation. Can you imagine the sky diving/bunjie jumping?
I like to think that Reflection is really a future version of earth and some scientist managed to reverse the planet's polarity, and some other people managed to make a giant force field to save the world from exploding. Wouldn't it be funny if there were still old ruins of upside-down houses around. They could have upside-down history museums! Just imagine the white house, or the Leaning Tower of Pisa. blaugh They'd have to close down the Taj Mahal, people would get stuck in the ceiling! rofl
Sure you can put it in the spotlight forum if you want to Melo! I'm so totally flattered, that you printed it out and added it to an awesomeness folder... 4laugh (I have a cool stuff folder too, though it doesn't have much in it.)
And Heart-means-everything I did shorten the lines for a reason, they were meant to break up the sentences, and sort of give the poem an overall shattered choppy sort of rhythm, sort of. I don't know, I like the way it sounds when I say it in my head... sweatdrop
Again, thank you for the input.
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:51 pm
OK poem #2:
tell me what you think.
The Weather
rain is melted glass
crashing to the ground
landing in a silver
battlefield of shards
snow is pure white fleece
spun thinner than a feather
that piles up to a comforter
covering all, in vain
lightning is a tear
that falls from ruffled clouds
the release of angered energy
that leaves a trace of shining stars
wind is a child's laughter
at the pranks it pulls
playing tag with helpless papers
and flying high from punishment
weather is a game of poker
with Mother Nature as the dealer
and everyone else is trying to guess
is that sunny day bluffing?
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Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:08 pm
O.O Shouldn't you have exploded by now? There's no way someone can be that awesome without exploding.
Again with the imagery comment. Super. Duper. Awesome. My fave is the rain being melted glass... it makes me really think. Can I steal that for one of my stories? xD That and the lightning one.
I'm gonna put this in spotlight now. ^^
~Melo
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:17 am
oh, I exploded a long time ago. Luckily Humpty Dumpty was around with a bunch of tacky glue. xd
by all means use it in a story, I'd be flattered. biggrin
And my favorite metaphor was the teardrop being lightning. I did a photoshop once that pictured a lightning storm and a really pale see-through face that was crying the lightning. It was cool, I'll see if I can scan it in and show you. Except my art teacher still has it. ^.^'
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 10:19 pm
I love, LOVE your use of imagery, especially in "The Weather." I love the rain, and the way you described it is just... breath taking. You offer an entirely new consideration of the natural world (in both your poems) that is really phenomenal.
I also really like the rhythm you used in "The World of Reflection," it has this very lovely choppy dissonance that compliments the beautiful, swirly, colorful chaos of an upside down world. You really have a strong talent for painting these wonderful worlds with words, and you deserve the Spotlight recognition.
Congrats, Thystle, and write on!!
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Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:10 pm
Ok, This next poem is meant to have two voices. My poetry teacher (I took a random poetry class for one semester, bundles of fun. ^.^) introduced these to the class. Basically, you and a friend get together and one person says all the stuff in italics and one person says all the stuff in normal text and the stuff in bold you say together (try not to lose the fast paced rhythm of the poem but don't talk over each other either).
I's really entertaining. If you say it right it can sound really cool, and if you don't then it's still kinda fun to see the two of you tongue tie each other. xd
*Note: When I wrote this in my head I intended the normal text voice to have a slower sort of deeper tone and the italics voice to be more fast and light. You don't have to do it that way that's just how I thought it might sound.*
Falling: in a world of light or flight
I find myself
In an unknown place
Where water isn’t wet
Hiding in the expanse of space
Gravity inverted pulls
And physics are in constant flux
Space submerses
My legs buckle—
I find myself
On the run
While the planet spins madly ‘round…
The ashen sun
Whose heart burned down
Drowned out by oceans in the sky
Light lapses
My eyes open—
I find myself
In a paradox
Telling my story to
The cold moon rocks
And hiding in my bomb shelter
From the solar hurricane
Molecules mangle
My heart stops—
I find myself
Standing by
At the end of the universe…
Feeling cramped I leap to fly
And get trapped between
Two infinities
Atoms abstract
I cry out—
I find myself
In my mind
Stars are shining gilded gold
Tinsel questions wisp and wind
Melted memories in ones and zeros
Spark in ultra violet rays
Time telescopes
I look up—
When I reach
As I reach
For the spinning
Spinning
constellations
I fall among them
Also, in my opinion, this was one of my weirder poems. I came up with this while in swim practice and everything from thereon seemed like a good idea at the time. To me, it sounds like a song someone would make up after three days of watching the discovery channel without sleep.
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:16 pm
Alright so nobody's replied to my latest poem yet...well, that's ok! I've got another one for yall's. This one is short and sweet, so sit tight and enjoy.
Flowers Growing in my Head
flowers growing in my head
shifting patterns, green, blue, red
they sprout, they bloom
the pollen spreads
in my ears, and out my mouth
intangible, it floats about
it flies, it folds
exploring out
stepping stones on their quest
all find a garden where to rest
seeds born, of bone
lay down to nest
in vibrant colors, fragile, fine
grow the flowers in my mind
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 11:41 am
I loved both of the last two. biggrin
The first was like a mind rush. Bordering on drug use. X3 I love it, though. Mind if I use some of the imagery... hell, your poems just give me ideas for my stories in general. I would totally use the imagery in the second-to-last poem for the opening to one of my series (not posted yet) if I knew how to use Flash... or actually owned Flash. XD
The second makes me want to draw a crazy ******** up picture. XD Makes me think of one of those weird commercials about learning. (rofl) Dunno if that's a compliment or not, it's up to you. I loved it, though. X)
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Posted: Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:48 pm
Mind rush bordering on drug use eh? Sweet! that was my first impression too! xd
You have to remember I came up with this in swim practice and things just aren't the same after 2 hours of distance sets. sweatdrop
Now that you mention it... the metaphor in the second one kinda grosses me out if I take it literally...
Eeep!! I gots flower pollen parasites nested in me head!!! eek sweatdrop
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