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 Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:08 am
The senses
dull, the mind
numbs, the soul wanders
endlessly among the living. Not
knowing we cant here them. Trying
to tell us who killed them, so
that they may finally pass on to the
next world. To find the ones they lost long
ago. They finally see the error of their ways.And
now they seem understand just how cruel the world can be.
Seeing how we destroy everything we come across, seeing how we abuse
the best things in our life, and how we never really trust anyone. And yet we
are all connected in one way or another. But if you have not yet figured this out you are looking at the world from the eyes of a ghost
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Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 5:44 pm
This is a very nice poem.
I can see how you sort of structured it into a pyramid, but the form is messed up in some areas. I think it would be cool if it was refined so it makes a much clearer pyramid shape. Since you break your lines at odd areas anyway, moving words around to make the pyramid shape work wouldn't hurt the poem at all. :3
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Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:30 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:28 pm
I like the surprise ending.
It was a good piece. Especially in description. Also, with the description, if you are trying to get something across about human nature you could make that clearer so the reader leaves with a specific sense of the poem and what you put into it.
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