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 Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 1:32 am
As the mid afternoon sun shone as the crisp autumn air nipped with a bite to those who ventured outside. With winter fast approaching, for the days were getting shorter and those dreary nights long. Brown hues gazed upon the building in which he’d called his home several months ago. Everything seemed so foreign now; the weather the biggest difference for the uke shounen. After being over seas for a good chuck of time, the climate change, not to mention the time change was a bit draining. It was a bittersweet reunion as Cecil dragged his large wheeling suitcase towards the front doors. Shifting the duffle bag on his shoulder, he thanked his relative’s worry that had made him dress warm for his return. The heat of the African plains was a stark contrast to the wintry landscape he was how returning to.
Cecil’s trip had been surprisingly good; glad to have gotten away from a city that had lost all its appeal. However he’d made somewhat of a life here; friends and good buyers for his art, so he couldn’t just up and leave forever. Though with the new outlook on life and on himself in general; the uke felt things would start to look up for him. He would be able to stand on his own two feet without having to worry about himself or how he was carrying himself for others to see. The giraffe had grown a lot he liked to think over his time back in his home country; reinventing himself into who he had wanted to be in the first place. Nevertheless, old habits die hard, so it would take him to get used to interacting with impending temptations of his old ways. This was the new Cecil and he liked it and would do his best to keep it up.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 4:03 pm
There was something about promises to oneself that made them that much easier to violate. Maybe it was the whole not speaking them aloud deal, or maybe it was the pretty, pouty face encouraging him to come in, just for a minute. Either way, he was back in the apartment complex, feeling somewhat chipper despite the huffy uke that was jabbing a finger into his chest and scowling. "Hey, I'm not sayin' it wasn't good for me. 'Cause seriously? Great a**, perfect thighs, very worthwhile." Would suggest to others, so long as they met the height requirement. But Ainippe didn't add that part, feeling it would only worsen his current situation as he backed out of the door, snagging his jacket on the way. "Sure, I'll be around later. Uh, phone? Don't have a current number, sorry. I'll get back to you though, definitely." It was all standard talk, and he was used to the narrowing of eyes, the pursed lips, the doubt-clouded features. He really couldn't blame them. He wouldn't have trusted himself either, not with all the lies he heaped.
The door slammed, and he was left alone in the hallway, his playful grin fading by degrees while he stretched out his back and consulted the ceiling. The seme probably could have afforded a sneakier retreat, but his flavor of the night had been dead asleep on his pants, and he'd sort of needed those for his grand escape. Oh well, not much he could do about it now. He turned and continued out to the entrance while zipping up his coat, remembering the lay of the place from his brief stint as an occupant. He still didn't understand how so many shounen could coexist like this: a few weeks in and he'd been a certifiable case. There were too many opportunities for interaction, not enough breathing room. He and Naoise barely got by with just the two of them, and they still had to beat the tar out of each other on occasion to settle disputes. That was how it went.
Ainippe pulled the door open, digging around in his pocket for his keys and hoping like hell he hadn't accidentally dropped them in the bedroom scuffle. He glanced up just in time to avoid walking straight into the individual on the other side, holding up his hands - one full of jingling metal - in a placating gesture. "Whoa, sorry, my bad. Didn't see you..." He trailed off, absorbing the baggage-laden uke before him, and his knuckles whitened around the set of keys before the steed lowered his arms. "Didn't see you there, Cecil." He finished, tone dipping low in stiff surprise.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 10:59 pm
Cecil was too wrapped up in making sure nothing he had on him was going to fall off, he hadn’t seen the horse coming. If he had, he would have steered himself around him and continued on his way. He held no ill will against the steed; he just wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. The uke had wanted to be more settled and situated back at home before seeing the seme again, but life seemed to have other plans for him. Back if Africa he’d thought of many things to say to the other but none of them seemed to come to mind or feel right to say.
“That’s alright Ainippe, I didn’t see you there either… so we’re even…” Cecil said gently, his voice smooth and soft but had a calm even tone. He shifted his duffle bag on his shoulder, the weight there reminding him he really didn’t want to be carrying it any longer then he had too. The bag was filled with his breakables; things he’d made while he was there and different mediums he’d brought back to use here. The change in the others body language didn’t elude him, nor did he blame him for stiffening up like that. They hadn’t seen nor spoken to each other since that time in his apartment. The uke had no idea if the other had sought him out after that day because it wasn’t too long after that day he’d packed up everything he could and bought a one-way ticket to Africa. It had been what, 6 months? A year? The giraffe wasn’t sure as of the amount of time; all he knew was it had been a long time.
“Well… I shouldn’t keep you… “ Cecil murmured, “You look ready to head out” he added, doing his best to keep any sort of flush from his cheeks. Ask him how he is, how he’s doing…. No he couldn’t ask that no matter how he wanted too. He wasn’t sure what kind of answer he’d get, or did he really need to know for that matter. A part of him wanted to give the customary, ‘see you around’ but he knew his chances of seeing the steed again were very slim. Knowing the seme if he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t; simple as that. Giving the other one final glance, the giraffe went about trying to move the large suitcase around the steed and into the building so he could head upstairs to his place. With his arms full, he tried to get his travel luggage over the lip of the doorframe while keeping the door open.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:43 am
If Cecil was having problems pinning down what he'd practiced, then Ai was suffering for not having thought to rehearse. His brain had still been doing backstrokes through a pleasant haze, wrapped up in warm obliviousness that would sustain itself until sundown, when he found someone else to resurrect it. But now the inside of his skull rattled in turmoil, a seething pool of agitation he had trouble keeping off his face; and how the ******** did he figure they were even when he'd up and left without a word? He'd had to figure out about the whole thing through their mutual boss, and only because he'd given notice before moving on. For him? No explanations, no phone call, no passing a message along, not even a goddamn note. He'd sat through the bad dreams and the scares and the nerve-wracking hospital waits, but that didn't seem to have counted for much of anything. In the end, he didn't even rate a postcard, which hadn't really surprised him, but had sort of stung on a personal level. Telling an uke that he maybe loved him was apparently a perfect reason to put an ocean and a bunch of unfamiliar geography between them. Still, he'd accepted it, because at least it made some kind of commitment-phobic sense, and he hadn't wanted to delve too deeply. From where he stood, it hadn't been a real leap of logic to figure Cecil wasn't coming back. Except it was, seeing as the uke was right in front of him, looking just as charmless as he felt.
"Yeah." Was all he said, expelling the word on a pent up breath while he tried to bleed the old anger out quickly enough for it to go unnoticed. So what? They had a history: he had a history with a lot of people. The love thing had just been some sick, twisted attempt at mimicking a creature he wasn't. Nobody's fault, they'd both learned their lessons. At least his hadn't taken a costly airline ticket, he reflected. "I should get. Got the early shift today." Same place you bailed out on, remember? A lot of things had changed, but he was practically the same - a cook, a motorcyclist, a well-intentioned idiot - even as a renewed sense of wariness pulsed in the space beneath his ribs. "Anyway, nice seein' you."
He stepped aside to give the giraffe room to haul, glancing over the varied luggage and pausing. How he had made it all the way to the door without falling over, Ai had no idea. Roughing it out in the savanna didn't seem to have done much for the other's physique. And even knowing that he didn't want to get involved, didn't want to be bogged down again, the stallion glanced down at his watch and wet his lips. "You need help getting all this stuff inside?" He asked reluctantly, pushing a hand through his hair while jiggling the keys against his thigh. Sometimes, he wished he was the jackass he made himself out to be. It certainly would have saved him some time, if not the trouble that came with it.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:25 am
His voice stuck in his throat when the other asked if he wanted help getting his things upstairs. Slender fingers curled around the handle of the suitcase till his knuckles turned an unpleasant white. Cecil had figured the other hated him for what he’d done; he really wouldn’t blame him if he did. Hell he hated himself for leaving; the other had been there for some of his worst times and that was how he repaid him; disappearing. He had wanted to give the other a letter; he’d actually written about eight of them and even paid for all the postage. Though every time he stood in front of the post office, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. They were all piled up in the bottom of his bag; all date stamped and everything.
”Why….” Cecil said softly, his voice losing all calmness it had tried to so strongly hold onto. All sureness he had, everything he’d built over his over seas trip had been brushed away so fast. “I was so horrible Ai… I… I don’t deserve your kindness… “ His voice wavered a little but he held strong to keep from tearing up. Summing up what little courage he had, he pushed his suitcase down in the doorway and set his duffel bag on top of it. Unzipping it, he dug out a large brown envelope with had Ai’s name written across in black ink. “I never sent these…. Because I’m such a coward….” He said, handing him the letter filled envelope. “You can thrown them out… burn them…read them…anything as they were always meant to be yours” He said, trying to get everything out of his chest.
”I’m sorry Ai… I know that it’s not enough as nothing I could possibly say right now would ever make you forgive me… and I don’t blame you… I don’t know why I did what I did… you didn’t deserve that…” The giraffe said; his brown hues looking at their shoes after he was done talking. There was so much more he wanted to say to him; that he’d thought about him every day he’d been gone, that every time he went to the markets he thought of him as he browsed through the spice stalls. That he… still loved him.
“I was heartless…” He murmured, hands fisting at his sides.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 3:09 pm
There was a vague shift in the tension between them, just enough to make his unease trick him into shooting a longing glance over his shoulder. He really didn't want to be here, doing this, trying to act normal and unscorned. When he glanced back, the threat of tears had him taking a half-step in retreat, eyes widening faintly. Ainippe scoured over what he'd said, confusion painted clearly across his expression. "What, the luggage? Calm down, Cecil. It's not like I offered you a kidney or something. Just looked like a lot to handle, that's all." He was forcing gentleness into his tone, figuring light jokes were the best way to go after an irrational response. But then Cecil was pawing through his bags, leaving the seme to stand awkwardly around in the wake of his offer until a parcel was pressed into his hands. He turned the folder over, examining it and only half-listening to the emotional spill that accompanied the gesture. Letters, he guessed. A lot of them, if the thickness was any indication. So maybe he had been entitled to some kind of correspondence, even if they'd never made it into his possession in time to make any kind of difference. What would they even say? Anything from explanations to accusations, though it seemed pointless to guess.
He mused over the bundle for a moment longer before returning his attention to the giraffe, taking in the apologetic face, the way he held himself like he expected some kind of retribution. The heartless comment earned a flicker of dark amusement, but he swiftly shoved it down, clearing his throat. "Look, I don't think you're as terrible as you make yourself out to be. Don't get me wrong, I was-" He stopped, reconsidered, and amended quietly. "I am pretty pissed. I can see walking out on someone when you're not happy, but doing it without even bothering to tell them?" He crinkled an edge of the paper in his fingers, brow furrowing as he went on. "So yeah, it was low - really low, and I had to find out from Billy, of all people, and wasn't that a damn trip - but it's done, and there's not much we can do about it." No surprise, but there wasn't exactly a take backsies rule in this kind of game. It was or it wasn't, and for now, it was clearly the latter.
The envelope went under his jacket, tucked into the waistline of his pants since none of his pockets ran that deep. He didn't know what else to do with them; didn't particularly want to read them. Half of the stuff they said likely had no bearing anymore, days rolling into weeks, emptying into months and he'd been like a mongrel kicked to the curb, but he'd slouched up and moved on with a limp and an intact-grin. "And I'll get over it." He added, still soft and with a single-shoulder shrug that stretched the leather on his coat. "Just need some time." A little warning wouldn't have gone amiss, either, but that really did seem to be one of their bigger issues.
"Anyway, we should get this stuff upstairs before I'm really late." He lifted the duffel bag onto one arm, taking the suitcase with his free hand and giving a quick scan to make sure nothing was in danger of falling out. "You still in the same room, or...?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 5:52 pm
He could tell the other didn’t want to be here with him, he didn’t blame him at all. Maybe it would make it easier on him if t he seme just out right said he hated him and just walked away leaving him at the doorway. This forced kindness only made everything feel so fake and jaded.
“It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy Ai! I was! I thought I was being a huge burden to you! That I was this huge weight that was holding you back! I figured I was causing you more harm then any good! Naoise was right! That I’m pathetic and didn’t belong here with you and I thought… I thought if I left that you’d be better off….” He exclaimed, his brown hues looking upset as he just blabbed everything out to him once again looking like a pathetic fool. The Ram had worked all these little ideas and insecurities into his head and he had thought them pretty true. He was weak, pathetic, not worth being there with Ai, which he didn’t belong at all. “So I ran off… I.… I had figured Naoise would have told you...” he sighed and looked down at his shoes. He’d broken things far more then he had expected, he really hadn’t changed at all. The Uke liked to think he’d done some growing up while he was gone but it seemed he was just the same blundering idiot
When the other picked up his things he went to protest but his shoulders just sagged. “Same room…” He mumbled, “Unless my bank account ran dry while I was gone it should still be that one... if not Tobi’s room is near mine and I can just stay there” He held the door open for him so he could get in with all of his stuff.
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 11:56 pm
The backlash caught him off guard, mainly because he figured he'd done a tidy job tying off an old, already crusted-over wound. It had been months and he'd moved on, still traveling through the same familiar circles he'd known before the giraffe stepped in and made him veer off course. And although he was prepared for a certain amount of maudlin treatment, mention of his roommate left him completely stumped. What did the ram have to do with any of this? "You..." His mouth was suddenly dry, anger hardening the depths of his turquoise stare and sparking like a bad wire in his belly. Cecil was lying, making a show of covering his a** because that seemed easier than fessing up to his own skittish nature. What a piece of work. Naoise had been the one he'd leaned on those few weeks after the uke vanished, and it was none other than his stoic friend who'd eventually convinced him to stop moping and carry on. If not for the Scot, he would have had a hard time pulling himself out of the pit Cecil had willfully dropped him in. It had been rough, and he'd been a mess, but someone understanding was a step in the right direction. Dropping an old relationship was surprisingly similar to kicking a addiction. Naoise had been like an intervention after one bad experience too many.
He stared down at the smaller shounen with a barely mastered expression, something tense threading through his frame before he brushed past him, going toward the hall. And okay, sure, Naoise had been uncharacteristically patient with him, but had he been it to the point of guilt? No, no, that was wrong, his flatmate had never cared who he slept with, and a few of them had been worse than Cecil when it came to clinging, but...
But it almost made sense. The timing and the silence, the way he'd been vulnerable to it, how Naoise had let him nurse it for a while and then shoved him to his feet. If he cared to think about it long enough, he realized that half of what he felt was resentment, and the envelope was burning a square-shaped hole in his skin. Cecil had come back with too many sentiments, too late, and they were all vying for a pre-established truth, toppling the foundation and threatening the conclusion. By the time he reached the door, he was already in possession of an unhappy headache, and Ai wasted no time in bumping it open with a hip, waiting in the gloom of the unlit room until the giraffe was present to speak.
"So lemme get this straight," His tone was soft and poisonous to prevent it from carrying, and it was probably a good thing that his hands were preoccupied, or he might have been tempted to use them, shaking as they were. "You ran off to another continent without a damn word to me because of something Naoise said? Are you ******** retarded?"
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