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This is a part of my season script. Please read and tell me what you think. (Constructive Criticism Please)


Part B Scene 2

We are now inside of the Tachikoma garage, where we see Kusanagi wearing her combat suit with her pistol drawn. She is cautiously moving across the garage towards the large hangar door. She hears gunfire off in the distance from the GSDA mechanized units fighting Kaneren's A.I. Jigabachis. Kusanagi takes a few steps forward, only to hear a sword unsheathe. Kusanagi then takes on a defensive stance. Then, we hear Shinobi yell as she leaps from the rafters at Kusanagi. We see Shinobi wearing her Umibozu BDU without the mask or helmet. The uniform is built so her physique is clearly seen. She swipes her katana at Kusanagi with amazing speed, only for Kusanagi to perform a two-part backflip out of the sword's reach. Shinobi immediately sprints at Kusanagi, who leaps out of the way of her sword. Kusanagi then aims and fires several shots at Shinobi, who leaps and performs an impressive wall run across the garage. She reaches the other side of Kusanagi, who is in the process of reloading her pistol. Shinobi then jumps off of the wall and kicks Kusanagi's pistol out of her hand in mid-air. She then swipes her katana down, hoping to kill Kusanagi. Kusanagi immediately ducks and rolls out of the sword's range. She then strikes Shinobi in the flank multiple times before performing a leg sweep, knocking Shinobi on her back. Kusanagi immediately draws her combat knife and brings it down on Shinobi, who blocks it with her katana. Shinobi whips her right leg up and kicks Kusanagi in the side of the head. Kusanagi grunts and rolls out of Shinobi's reach as she swipes her katana at her. Shinobi immediately stands and rushes Kusanagi, who blocks three consecutive strikes from Shinobi's blade before having a knee land a blow into her torso. Kusanagi grunts. Shinobi proceeds to strike again, only for Kusanagi to place her hands on Shinobi's shoulders and perform an impressive flip overtop of Shinobi's head. Shinobi tries to whirl around and swipe Kusanagi, but is surprised when Kusanagi grazes Shinobi's right cheek with her knife. Shinobi grunts in pain and jabs at Kusanagi, who quickly steps off to the side. Kusanagi then tries to gash Shinobi with her knife, but is stopped as Shinobi brings up her free arm and blocks Kusanagi's forearm. Shinobi then flips her katana over in her hand and tries to stap Kusanagi, who jumps and lands on top of her sword. Shinobi seems surprised. Kusanagi then jumps up off of Shinobi's blade and lands a powerful kick, hitting Shinobi in the side of the head. Shinobi releases her sword and falls to the floor. She then immediately removes her combat knife from her sheath on the side of her leg and flips at Kusanagi, bringing her blade down with ferocity. Kusanagi brings up her knife and blocks Shinobi's incoming blow. Shinobi then brings her left knee up to Kusanagi's flank. Kusanagi grabs Shinobi's leg and flips her body overtop of her leg. Kusanagi then proceeds to toss Shinobi, who lands on her feet. Kusanagi then leaps at Shinobi, who somersaults underneath of Kusanagi. Kusanagi is taken by surprise as Shinobi whirls around and gashes Kusanagi across her lower back. Kusanagi yells in pain and lands on her knees. Shinobi then flips her knife over and holds on to the blade. Kusanagi immediately whirls around as Shinobi throws her knife at Kusanagi. Kusanagi grabs Shinobi's knife by the handle and whips it back at her. Shinobi gasps and quickly moves her head off to the side, barely avoiding death. Shinobi then sprints at Kusanagi and performs a sequence of jabs and elbow blows at Kusanagi, who blocks each one. Kusanagi brings her knife up and slices Shinobi vertically across the shoulder. Shinobi yells in pain and grips her shoulder with her right hand. She takes a few steps back and quickly draws her pistol. She is too late and Kusanagi crescent moon kicks it out of her hand. Shinobi gasps. Kusanagi then shouts as she knocks Shinobi unconscious with her right elbow. Shinobi grunts and falls to the floor with her eyes closed. Kusanagi pants as she sheathes her knife and kneels down next to Shinobi. She speaks via cybercom.

Kusanagi: "Batou, where are you?"

Batou responds.

Batou: "Why?"

Kusanagi responds as she places her hand on Shinobi's shoulder.

Kusanagi: "I need you to get to the Tachikoma garage. Shinobi's unconscious and I need you to get her out of here before Kaneren's Arm Suits show up."

Batou responds.

Batou: "I'm on my way."

The transmission ends. The episode ends with Kusanagi sitting next to Shinobi, guarding her until Batou arrives.

Okay, that sounds good. I will be posting more from my fanfic in new threads in the near future.