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 Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 1:45 am
Okay, so it starts with a boy. Well, it always does, doesn't it? Anyway, there's this boy that I've liked since the 4th grade and I've always avoided him because of it, I'm not quite sure why, I just had this random fear of getting attached to him.
Now, it's been six years. Somehow, this boy has ALWAYS been in at LEAST one of my classes since then, but I still have barely even talked to him. However, I went to my friend's birthday party and it's all changed.
We both came to this huge dance/sweet 16 dateless and I noticed he looked somewhat depressed and was sitting off to the side, so I decided to join him. After all, I had nothing better to do and I can't help but try and cheer people up who look like they need it. Turns out his girlfriend of 11 months had just broken up with him earlier that night. To me, that doesn't seem like that long to have dated someone but he was devastated.
So, I talked to him for a bit, we ended up goofing off and dancing a bit later and then it was time for my friend's father/daughter dance. At the time, I had been having some arguments with my dad, so it was kind of depressing to watch the dance so I went outside. Apparently, he had seen me leave looking upset and joined me. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me. We sat there hugging for at least 10 minutes before going back inside and the whole time my stomach was doing flips lol.
I actually built up the courage and told him I liked him that night even though he had told me earlier that he kind of likes one of my friends and was thinking of asking her out. So, I just asked to be friends. The next day, he asked my friend out and she said no. This continued for about two weeks and the whole time, I just sat by him and cheered him up afterward. The way I am, I'd rather see him happy than try and force him into a relationship with me.
Anyway, every time I cheered him up, he'd always just say "Thank you" and kiss me on the cheek, which he didn't realize meant a lot more to me than it did to him. I told him and now he doesn't do more than hug me, which I'm kind of sad about, but kind of relieved about at the same time. It was kind of painful having him do that while I knew he didn't like me the same way I did him.
So, fast forward a week. He had already given up on trying to ask out my other friend. I was hanging out with another of my "guy" friends at the mall and I got a text from the boy I like saying to just leave him alone, for no reason whatsoever. After a lot of asking what was wrong, he finally called me in tears. Apparently, his ex girlfriend had just committed suicide. I talked to him for hours trying to cheer him up, even if just a little bit because I was afraid he would do something to hurt himself or something. After a while he started hinting at how it was his fault and it'd be better if he wasn't around. So, I couldn't take it anymore. I said the first thing that came to my mind and told him he couldn't hurt himself because I loved him, and.... I think it was true.
I've never actually told someone I've loved them before and I didn't really think about it before I said it, it just seemed like the right thing to say I guess. I haven't actually seen him face to face since then, but he seems a lot happier. I can't tell if it's because of what I said or something else. He told me the other day though that he doesn't think he can love anyone again, because he keeps getting hurt.
I know this kind of seems like a soap opera at this point, but I don't know what I should do. If I just stay friends with him he'll still be happy no matter what I think, but I'm afraid that if I try to be more than friend's he'll get depressed again. I'm just....really confused right now and I figured this would be the best place to rant I guess. Any advice?
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Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 10:31 pm
Aw, hon. D=
I'm sorry I couldn't have found this back when you first posted it. T__T
*hugs*
The problem here is that the closer you are to this boy, the more it hurts you because you care about him so deeply.
In his selfishness he's hurting you, and in your selflessness you've hurt yourself immeasurably.
If you think you can be the FRIEND he needs-and he does need a friend right now more than ever- then feel free to be around him as often as you like...
But it may almost be better to keep your conversations to text messages... you keep your distance, and at least you won't be physically hurt...
In the mean time, I also suggest you try your best to detach from this boy, which ironically enough, means you steer clear of him for a good three months...
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:51 pm
It's okay, it was more of a ranting post kind of.
I haven't really "hung out" with him since then, mostly just texting him and talking to him when he sounds depressed. I'm glad I have such good friends though. I haven't told any of them about what's going on, but I just can't stay depressed around my friends.
Who knows, maybe I'm not meant to have a relationship in high school. I've never really paid much attention to boys anyway, since I always hung out with them(I'm a tomboy and always have been) but I actually seem to NOTICE him. Every time he walks behind me, I feel the urge to turn around. I can't help but wait for him before school lets out....
Maybe I should just avoid him, but that would probably end with me feeling worse, and I'm not sure I could manage it anyway.....
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 10:18 pm
Just a few short things:
1) He needs help to cope with the suicide. Seriously, because it's a chain reaction some of the time. He needs to have help with that- and not you. A social worker at school is a good idea. Or something like that.
2) You need to not even think about a romantic relationship with him at this time. He needs a long time to heal from both the suicide and the break up.
You probably already know these things.
But also it's nice of you to be there for him, just know that you can't be his "savior," trust me, I've been there. He needs more help than you can give.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 3:07 pm
I agree with what the poster above me said, however I'd like to add another thing to it.... if you ever feel that he is endangering himself or you, call 911 and have the police come and assess the situation.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 8:07 pm
FreeArsenal I agree with what the poster above me said, however I'd like to add another thing to it.... if you ever feel that he is endangering himself or you, call 911 and have the police come and assess the situation.
I think anyone who would even think of doing something like that is seriously messed up mentally....
On a different note, he's no longer depressed. I may not be the one he chose, but I don't think I mind so much anymore. It still hurts when he tells me about what he and his new girlfriend do everyday, but at least he's smiling again.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 10:35 pm
Sometimes you gotta let it go and say life is too short to feel sorry. I think you've learned something from all this.
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Posted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:45 am
Well... his ex is a conniving whore. =3
And what he finds attractive in girls... is apparently in some bad taste, since one was psycho enough to do something like that... >_>
*hugs*
It sucks to be drawn to a guy, and you've been drawn to this one for a good portion of your life already...
but I think it's wise to say... perhaps... you would be a lot happier if you could try to ease off of him. n_n;
*hugs*
Crushes like that SUCK, man! T__T
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