Ever since I can remember... I've always had a camera at hand.
My mother was an amazing photographer and I guess that passed down to my genetics as well.. However she died when I was only six years old. Maybe it was then that I first held a camera properly in honor of my mother. I am not really sure.
Yet even now as I age I use my mother as my reason, the gift given to me to take snap shots. Those still moments of people walking by without looking past their own images to see what is really there.
All the way to high school I stayed in the back, using my charms and looks to blend in so that no one would remember me. Why? For the simple reason that whenever I brought a camera to school, I could stand still and look down at the old fashion reflection of the people before me just so that I could focus and take the shot of people in their natural settings as if I was a documenter and not really there. I was invisible but know, living but also dead.
Dead.
I wished that I had died then, because even in college it is the same. I'm waiting. Waiting for the lies, the beauty, the truths, the looks, the love, the hatred... anything that will awaken me from my lost dreams. With my camera in hand I wait at the coffee shop ever day to be notice. I've been there three years now, which makes me... I guess twenty-four now? Yeah that is right because I am a sophomore in college even though I have enough credits to be a JR.
Yeah... thats right.
I'm still waiting even now for my muse.
My reason to take a snapshot work keeping.
Of course my camera is no longer a film one. I will only use that one for special occasions.
However today is special.
Today I am going to meet my new roommate.
Someone I've never known. A person who placed and add out into the newspaper looking for another person to share the rent to the two bedroom place that they own. I came four hours early just to wait for that small hint of who the person is. They are meant to have a book in their hand with a red cover. Something that is slightly eye catching, I guess.
I wonder what my life is going to give me.
Will I awaken or stay dead?
Only time will tell if I am able to move on from a death from so long ago that haunts me even to this day.
Even if I have a new family, a mother, two sisters, and an older brother; I just cannot let go just yet. Maybe I am just to numb to realize who my model is.
When will she walk in?
When will my muse force me to not be able to stop clicking or shifting to a world I've only imaged in my nightmares to be true.
Or...
Are my nightmares actually... pleasant?
When will I see her?
When can I take the shot.
I am getting nervous now.
It is five minutes past the time. Did I not notice her?
My mother was an amazing photographer and I guess that passed down to my genetics as well.. However she died when I was only six years old. Maybe it was then that I first held a camera properly in honor of my mother. I am not really sure.
Yet even now as I age I use my mother as my reason, the gift given to me to take snap shots. Those still moments of people walking by without looking past their own images to see what is really there.
All the way to high school I stayed in the back, using my charms and looks to blend in so that no one would remember me. Why? For the simple reason that whenever I brought a camera to school, I could stand still and look down at the old fashion reflection of the people before me just so that I could focus and take the shot of people in their natural settings as if I was a documenter and not really there. I was invisible but know, living but also dead.
Dead.
I wished that I had died then, because even in college it is the same. I'm waiting. Waiting for the lies, the beauty, the truths, the looks, the love, the hatred... anything that will awaken me from my lost dreams. With my camera in hand I wait at the coffee shop ever day to be notice. I've been there three years now, which makes me... I guess twenty-four now? Yeah that is right because I am a sophomore in college even though I have enough credits to be a JR.
Yeah... thats right.
I'm still waiting even now for my muse.
My reason to take a snapshot work keeping.
Of course my camera is no longer a film one. I will only use that one for special occasions.
However today is special.
Today I am going to meet my new roommate.
Someone I've never known. A person who placed and add out into the newspaper looking for another person to share the rent to the two bedroom place that they own. I came four hours early just to wait for that small hint of who the person is. They are meant to have a book in their hand with a red cover. Something that is slightly eye catching, I guess.
I wonder what my life is going to give me.
Will I awaken or stay dead?
Only time will tell if I am able to move on from a death from so long ago that haunts me even to this day.
Even if I have a new family, a mother, two sisters, and an older brother; I just cannot let go just yet. Maybe I am just to numb to realize who my model is.
When will she walk in?
When will my muse force me to not be able to stop clicking or shifting to a world I've only imaged in my nightmares to be true.
Or...
Are my nightmares actually... pleasant?
When will I see her?
When can I take the shot.
I am getting nervous now.
It is five minutes past the time. Did I not notice her?
