|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 2:02 pm
Me and my boyfriend of three and a half years broke up six months ago. The day before he dumped me I called him and asked for his help because my cat was dying, he told me he was working. A week later I found out he'd been in London at a fair with some friends, including a girl whom I disliked because they were always spending time together.
We had starting having problems ever since he had gone on holiday with her and some friends, when I'd told him I'd rather he didn't go. We started becoming friends again, until I found out he was now dating this girl (whom had been one of my best friends for 5 years) secretly, less than two months after we broke up.
The got together when they had sex, they hadn't even kissed before, they just went straight into sex before they were even dating (she is a massive whore and always is attracted to guys she can't have). They kept the secret going for two months. He sat with me when I found out (a drunken mate told me) for and hour, hugging me and told me he still loved me, but he was going to continue dating her. I stopped speaking to them for a long time, but this weekend he has been posting on twitter loads of things about unrequited love and regrets about lies, and been chatting to me on skype and over text.
I know she really likes him so I doubt these posts are about her and he has told me he doesn't love her yet. I hate her and refuse to speak to her because she's been after him even when we were still together. His roomate assures me he didn't cheat, and had no feelings for her until a month after we broke up (I trust him as we have been friends since we were little).
My ex seems really unhappy so I don't understand why he is still with her. I don't want him back because I don't trust him anymore, no matter how much I still love and care about him. All my friends hate him and don't understand my feelings at all. I don't want to date him, but I want him to find a better girl who understands him. But I don't trust a word he says anymore, so I don't know how I can be his friend.
So torn...what do I do...he practically lived with me and my mother cares about him too. I have way to much respect for myself to take him back, and I want to have fun too, especially since I'm off to university in three months. I have no idea what is going on in his head, and I know he will just lie again if I try to ask.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 1:47 am
I am pretty sure that if I were in your shoes, personally I would say to hell with him. I don't know how old you two are, but I'm pretty sure he's old enough to make his own decisions. If he picks someone who's not well-suited for him, time will tell whether or not he figures that out for himself. And if their relationship doesn't work, then he'll learn something from it and find someone else.
I can understand the desire to want to see him with someone who's suited for him - I am friends with my first ex (we dated for almost 2 and a half years), and should he ever date again, I would want him to be with someone who complimented him and made him happy. But unless he brought the subject up with me, I would never discuss it with him. I'm in his past, and it's not my business, and I would probably say the same applies to you and your ex as well (with all due respect, no offense meant).
Just my 2 cents though. smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 24, 2011 9:22 am
SweetRinSohma The got together when they had sex, they hadn't even kissed before, they just went straight into sex before they were even dating (she is a massive whore and always is attracted to guys she can't have). Everyone is ready at different times. Some people wait years to have sex, some wait months, some wait weeks, some wait days, etc. Some have sex on the first date, before they're officially a couple, or with no intention of ever becoming a couple. As long as they're both willing, educated, protected, and legally able to consent, when they do or do not have sex is their business and not something they should be teased about. I think it's fine that you still care about him, still want to be his friend, and want him to be happy. But I don't blame you for not wanting him back either. Hanging out with her and lying to you when you two were still together and your cat was dying was pretty low of him. If you think he might be unhappy now, you can try talking to him about it. If he lies, then it's his loss because he won't be able to get real advice or help from you. But other than that, like Niko said, he's probably old enough to make his own decisions. If he is unhappy with her, he will probably figure it out on his own eventually and end it anyway. Relationships are just one of those things that you kind of need to explore for yourself sometimes. Even if it ends badly or quickly, people still usually learn a lot about themselves and what they want thanks to those relationships. So I wouldn't try to force him out of the relationship or anything like that if I were you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 1:02 pm
We're both 18, and he kept getting his nose into my love life before I found out he'd been dating her without telling me. It upsets me because he always told me he thought she was a whore and could never think of her that way.
When I confronted him when I thought there was something going on he denied it, multiple times. He only admitted he'd been with her two months when his mates finally forced him.
I'm upset about the lies, and the fact he's disrespected me so much. It's confusing whether or not to believe a word he says...and I don't think thats a good friedship.
The way the got together disgusts me for a few reasons. Firstly, because before then I was the only person he'd been with. When we broke up I asked him please not to date her, and he said he didn't like her that way and never would, but when she threw herself at him a month and a half later he just did it anyway. I also know they didn't use protection. I always thought sex meant more to him than that.
I'm not getting involved as I know he won't listen to my advice anyway. I just wish I understood why he lies so much now, and I worry he might have lied to me from the beginning. I always believed him and now I feel like a fool. He told me he still loved me a month ago, I told him that he was lying. I told his roomate, then when my ex brought up the conversation he tried to leave out all the sappy things he had said. I don't get him at all. His roomate told him he knew what he'd actually said and he shut up. Why would he lie like that, then try and cover it up.
I don't want him to love me, I just want him to stop lying, make a decision and be happy with it. Preferably not with the whore, but thats his choice. But I don't know how to say these things to him without him getting defensive or running away. It would be easier to leave it since in a weeks time we never have to see each other if we don't want to...but I'd rather stay in touch a little bit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
