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 Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 5:59 am
Last night I broke up with my girlfriend of almost four years. It came down to a lot of things: I'm tired of being in a relationship, there's not a future for us, and I just don't love her anymore. I care about her a lot, but I'd rather be her friend than her significant other.
We moved in together at the start of summer, and our lease is up in a few weeks, after which she's moving to Nantucket temporarily. She asked me if we could have one last hurrah: I'd stay with her and we'd pretend to be together for the remainder of the lease, then part ways.
I have a feeling this is a bad idea. She asks me if we can kiss, if I can say I love her, if we can pretend to be a couple, if we can have sex. This seems like a way to either manipulate me into taking it all back or a road to horrible drama. But she insists that I at least give her that much before she says goodbye. Thoughts?
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 6:25 am
A lot of couples live together for a little while or have sex after breaking up. Other people say things like, "Hey, can we pretend we're still together around _____ so that I don't have to explain this yet?" And if both people are ok with that and can handle that, then I think it's ok.
But if she wants to live with you, have sex with you, say "I love you," kiss, and all the rest of the couple deal when no one else is even around, then I'd be suspicious too. I'd guess that she either wants to keep living that way so that maybe you'll start liking it again and reconsider or that she's basically just trying to cling to you. And if her motives are along those lines, I'd imagine there's a good chance that she won't let you go easily even when the lease is up.
Those are just my guesses though. If you're ok with doing some of that stuff but not others, you could talk to her about it, let her know what you are and are not willing to do, and don't give in. Or if you're not really willing to do any of that stuff or if you think doing any of it would just make it harder and more dramatic, don't be afraid to put your foot down or get out of there now.
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:33 am
I think you need to just say, "No". And ask for a reasonable answer to this strange question from her.
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Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:07 pm
LorienLlewellyn A lot of couples live together for a little while or have sex after breaking up. Other people say things like, "Hey, can we pretend we're still together around _____ so that I don't have to explain this yet?" And if both people are ok with that and can handle that, then I think it's ok. But if she wants to live with you, have sex with you, say "I love you," kiss, and all the rest of the couple deal when no one else is even around, then I'd be suspicious too. I'd guess that she either wants to keep living that way so that maybe you'll start liking it again and reconsider or that she's basically just trying to cling to you. And if her motives are along those lines, I'd imagine there's a good chance that she won't let you go easily even when the lease is up. Those are just my guesses though. If you're ok with doing some of that stuff but not others, you could talk to her about it, let her know what you are and are not willing to do, and don't give in. Or if you're not really willing to do any of that stuff or if you think doing any of it would just make it harder and more dramatic, don't be afraid to put your foot down or get out of there now. Seconded.
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