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 Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 5:55 pm
I posted this in the LI forum, but I decided I think i would get better responses here. I copy pasted, and I'm not sure if ages matter in this situation. But he's 22, and I'm turning 19 next month.
I met him in my college and been dating him for a semester now. Everything is going great, however there's a few things on my mind that's really been bothering me.
We pretty much act like we're in a relationship, but we have no title. And when people ask me if I have a boyfriend, I pretty much say "I don't even know."
On my side, I told him in the beginning that we could see other people while we're seeing each other. I don't really get jealous easily and I'd like to see where this goes. However, that was when I didn't really like him. And now as we continue seeing each other, I like him even more. Which is where my constant ovethinking begins. I'm scared I'm going digging into a deeper hole where I'll struggle in picking myself back up. I don't wanan risk getting played again since I was used by my first love like that.
We've talked about it multiple times, but I refused to tell him it really bothers me.
I don't wanna repeatedly ask and try too push him into a relationship since I've asked many times about it already. And let it gradually progress into one. He's told me whenever people ask him, he says someone's in the picutre. He's told me he hasn't been seeing anybody since he's met me. Also the reason why he doesn't want to get in a relationship yet because he spends alot of time working since he's opening and closing resturants. And on the days he's off, he has school. Which is true. Where I don't find him lying about that at all. but I told him we pretty much act like we're official. He hasn't given me any reason not to trust him, but the thought of him seeing someone else while seeing me actually bothers me now. He tells me what we have is special, and does care about me.
I hate telling myself everyday that he's not mine, and keep telling myself to distance myself from him. But since he's always the one initiating the communication, I have a smile on me and that thought goes away. I would ditch him, but like...he hasn't really done anything rude to hurt me. I debate within myself to just be blunt to him and if it's something oyou don't wanna hear then ditch him. But a side of me says to just let it progress and see where it goes. I don't fall in love easily, however I can have strong feelings for someone.
I know I'm capable of seeing someone else in a jiffy while seeing someone like this. but if I see someone while I'm seeing this guy, I'd feel guilty. Which tells me I really like him.
What do you think?
I know my gramma skills suck, I'm not great at english.
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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:07 pm
I would be blunt if I were you. I'd tell him I wanted to make it official. I can understand wanting to let things progress to see where they go on their own, but isn't that what you guys have been doing all semester? If you feel like that's been enough time (and I think most people would think it was), then it's not like you would be rushing into anything by making it official. And I don't think that it matters if he's busy if you two act like you're together already anyway. It sounds like nothing would change by making official except that it would give you more peace of mind and maybe let you get closer to him. If he says no, then it's up to you what you do of course. But I wouldn't blame you for ending it. I know I wouldn't want to spend that much time with someone if they weren't even sure they wanted to be with me and couldn't fully commit to me.
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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 7:37 pm
LorienLlewellyn I would be blunt if I were you. I'd tell him I wanted to make it official. I can understand wanting to let things progress to see where they go on their own, but isn't that what you guys have been doing all semester? If you feel like that's been enough time (and I think most people would think it was), then it's not like you would be rushing into anything by making it official. And I don't think that it matters if he's busy if you two act like you're together already anyway. It sounds like nothing would change by making official except that it would give you more peace of mind and maybe let you get closer to him. If he says no, then it's up to you what you do of course. But I wouldn't blame you for ending it. I know I wouldn't want to spend that much time with someone if they weren't even sure they wanted to be with me and couldn't fully commit to me. That's what I'm thinking too. And it really really bothers me, but at the same time I feel as if I let him go, I'll feel like I lost a good thing. He has done nothing wrong in a way to hurt me, and I haven't heard from him all day today. And sometimes I feel so confused at night. I told myself I would give him at the end of this months, and if things don't go as how I want, then maybe I should let him go. I invested alot of time with him, even rejected guys that have asked me out. Usually I'm a blunt person too by the way. And at times when I'm being intimate with him, I wonder in the back of my mind if this is the last time I'm going to see him or talk to him again. I'm so afraid of going through that again. Am I being selfish?
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 11:59 am
I don't think you sound selfish. It just sounds to me like you are ready for some stability and security in this relationship. I can't blame you for wanting that; most people want that.
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Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:16 pm
LorienLlewellyn I don't think you sound selfish. It just sounds to me like you are ready for some stability and security in this relationship. I can't blame you for wanting that; most people want that. Seconded. smile
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Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 6:40 pm
Quick update:
Well I haven't seen him since Thursday, but we do text constantly. But now I feel that we're already drifting apart and we were supposed to hang out today. Which I doubt, but the thing is that I've grown very attached to him. And I've come to my senses that this much anxiety over a boy/ issue is affecting my stress.
So in short, I really don't know how to, well let him down easy. I've thought about just slowly not reply, and maybe he'll get the message. But does that make me a coward? I don't wanna risk over a heart break, but I've grown to be deeply infactuated with him.
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 2:34 pm
Why are you letting a seemingly good man get away? I don't understand why you think you should stop seeing him because you want more and you don't know what he wants. Honestly, you are being a coward. Please, just tell him what's up, and if he isn't into it, then he isn't into it and you move on. If he is into being serious with you, and you could have a great future together, why would you not take that chance?
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:27 pm
Lass Kyon Why are you letting a seemingly good man get away? I don't understand why you think you should stop seeing him because you want more and you don't know what he wants. Honestly, you are being a coward. Please, just tell him what's up, and if he isn't into it, then he isn't into it and you move on. If he is into being serious with you, and you could have a great future together, why would you not take that chance? I just don't want to seem like I'm wasting my time. I guess I admit I am sorta getting worked up that I'm going to get played even though he has done nothing wrong to break my trust. I just don't understand still why he says he can't be in a serious relationship because of the effort. He made the choice to put in effort to see me as I did with him, so how does that make a difference from being in a relationship with a person? Either way we made effort in spending time with each other. And I refuse to tell him about this again, because I feel the more I ask the more I'll bother him. People and friends have told me I repeat the things I say alot to the point where they get irritated. I'm fighting with myself still to continue to see where this goes, but then again another part of me says: "It's been 3 months, surely he's had time to think about what's going on between each other."
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:41 pm
I think going a few months it's time to bring that conversation up again, lol.
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Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2011 10:31 pm
Alright, I'm not sure if anyone is still curious about what happened...but here's a head's up.
I've still continued to talk to him still despite my friends telling me he's not going to change his mind. Although to be honest I have been intimate with him with various things. To have it basic, we've done to the point where it was third base in the course of three months. I admit that I am greedy, so he did most of the work if you catch my drift. xp But anyways, he asked politely if we could have casual sex. I thought about it and we discussed it on the phone. Since I am a virgin, I do have a fear of sex and discussed to him why and such. While on the phone I played with the idea that one of us will end up liking each other even more if we had sex, he was pretty firm that he doesn't want a relationship because he has no time for it at all. I was pretty bummed out, but I refused to tell him about my feelings. Soon afterwards, my feelings for him just...faded. I guess it's because I told myself to give up, I barely put any effort in talking to him. That "honeymoon" stage was over for me and I can tell he noticed it too.
The next day we saw each other....and I lost my virginity to him. He told me it's okay if I say no, but I still insisted. He was real gentle and everything, hell he didn't even believe I was a virgin because of the way I went with it. I was up for another round! xD
And to be honest, the whole virginity thing to me just...seemed overated now. Right after we were done I was like...."Thats it? This is what people wait?" I'm not trying to offend anyone, it's just what I thought of.
He didn't text me all day today, I'm not putting effort because I just feel that I shouldn't. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him, but he won't change his mind so I'm not gonna waste my time if he doesn't text me or call. However, I have his favorite thermal so he has to contact me sooner or later.
I don't know what's gonna happen, but this is the whole update and wondering if there is some people's opinions about it. He's not using me or playing me which is what I realized now.
Oh and by the way, Nikolita, you can delete my last two threads about my first love and my other ex boyfriend. Those issues are solved now.
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