Welcome to Gaia! ::

On This Rock - A Catholic Guild

Back to Guilds

 

Tags: Catholic 

Reply Life Issues/Advice
Friendship turning painful

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Alex_ororo

Tipsy Tycoon

PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:41 pm


I have this problem with my friend.
Well, not with my friend but with, uhm...friendship.
Two years ago he became a priest (boy, was I proud - they grow up so fast *sniff*). I must admit that we always had this great connection, almost like the father-daughter type. It may sound silly since there's a 5 year gap between us, but that's just how it is. biggrin
So, he started his parish work, I had to move cities - got accepted into my dream university.
Now, whenever I'm home (winter break, summer vacation) I pay him a visit. That gives us, like, 2 days every year. biggrin
Last dummer wasn't any different. Except one thing. I told my mom I was going out. She says:
- "Where you going?"
- "Visiting Lukas, mom."
- "Are you sure you should be doing that?"
No, don't get me wrong, she wasn't mad at me. She was more, like, concerned than mad.

She explained that maybe I shouldn't be seeing him. That that might look bad, that people might start interpreting that in the wrong way... You know what I'm talking about.
To be frank, I never really looked at it that way. I mean, we're best friends. It's not like I'm, you know, sneaking around, meeting in secret or whatever. biggrin

Anyway, I felt bad that maybe I actually am a nuisance to him, that maybe I'm causing trouble. You see, he is a very gentle, warm-hearted person. I would never want anyone to see him in a bad light. Still,when I expressed my concerns, he only said:
"Yeah, I know. People might see it in the wrong way, but what can we do? I don't care what they think and neither should you. You are very precious to me and it brings me great joy to have the occasion to meet up with you and I would never give that up."

So, here I am. I simply have no idea what's the proper course of action. On one hand I really treasure this friendship. On the other hand, I wish all the best for him. I don't want others to talk ill of him. He would never deserve that.

Actually, last winter break I decided not to see him.
The last few days of the break I attended this charity hockey match. It turned out he was there too. He noticed me during intermission. He smiled and waved. I did the same. And then I ran of into the crowd.

And now I feel like a total a******. It pains me greatly and I'm not sure whether that's the right thing to do anymore.

Advise?
 
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:57 am


From what you tell us, he is like a big brother to you. Seeing him 2 times a year is not enough to make it suspicious. It is not like you see him frequently. As long as you behave like family when together, that is what people will see. You did what was right, and that was talking to him about it. Follow his advice. If we cared too much about what others "would think" we wouldn't be christians.

With all the scandals that are revolving around the Church, with priests behaving how they shouldn't, the best that can be done is show how many other priests are true to their vocation and that they can have healthy relationships with friends, such as your case. Just be careful that going out with him does not look like a date. If going alone with him makes you uncomfortable in the sense of others seeing it as a date, take someone with you. Invite relatives or close friends to go meet him with you so that they too have the opportunity to make such a great friend. You may feel more at ease if you don't go alone, in terms of how others would see it.

Lair Argyra

Devout Friend


Alex_ororo

Tipsy Tycoon

PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:42 am


Lair Argyra
Just be careful that going out with him does not look like a date. If going alone with him makes you uncomfortable in the sense of others seeing it as a date, take someone with you. Invite relatives or close friends to go meet him with you so that they too have the opportunity to make such a great friend.


Well, we don't really "go out". I just visit him at his parish. And I do invite others, it's just that they never have the time. When it comes to inviting relatives - it wouldn't really work. I blame society biggrin
I'm Polish and we are sort of conservative, not the most "open" people if you catch my drift. In other words, my family would not feel the need or would be eager to get to know my friends. If I would make them meet him they would only feel "burdened" with that.
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 8:36 am


Alex_ororo
Well, we don't really "go out". I just visit him at his parish. And I do invite others, it's just that they never have the time. When it comes to inviting relatives - it wouldn't really work. I blame society biggrin
I'm Polish and we are sort of conservative, not the most "open" people if you catch my drift. In other words, my family would not feel the need or would be eager to get to know my friends. If I would make them meet him they would only feel "burdened" with that.


If all you do is visit him at his parish, this is entirely normal and common. There is no need to feel it might be seen as wrong, just because you are friends. Anyone may visit a priest at the parish; friends should be no exception.

Lair Argyra

Devout Friend


EmeraldWings

PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 8:40 pm


I don't see anything wrong here, although it's always good to be cautious, after all, it's natural for men and woman to be attracted to each other, even priests, but if you both feel the same way, a brother sister, or father daughter relationship, then i don't see a problem,
but that's just what i see from reading your post, and i think better advice would be to just pray on it, ask God what to do.

i don't think you have to avoid him, but just be careful around him,
or, maybe get the advice of another priest? perhaps you'll find one who has been in a similar situation.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 6:23 am


Honestly, I think it's fine. I don't think y'all should be all "to hell with it, I don't care what they think!" but it seems like you guys are keeping it pretty appropriate, especially if you are just visiting at the parish. It's not like you're going over to his house to watch a movie and he's cooking you dinner.

I've been very good friends with a few of my priests now. You've always seemed like a pretty good girl, you aren't going to try to get in his pants. If you become a temptation for HIM, that's another thing, but if neither of you are interested in each other and he's kind of mentoring you, than I think it's fine.

If you are concerned, maybe you can ask an older priest about it.

kikkaku


Alex_ororo

Tipsy Tycoon

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 12:41 pm


EmeraldWings
maybe get the advice of another priest?


Heh, true. That's probably the first thing I should've done.

kikkaku
If you become a temptation for HIM, that's another thing


Nah, he's not that bad. 3nodding He truly is devoted to the Lord. I mean, he teaches R.E. in an all-girls-high school. Talk about being devoted. blaugh

Seriously now, thanks for the advice guys.

Oh, BTW. I guess I should make it clear that I'm currently in a relationship. 3nodding
PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 3:45 pm


If people will gossip people will gossip that is the nature of life, like has been said just be careful about it. If he is a friend and you care for him then spend time with him, also twice or so a year should cause any problems.

Dividing Solid

Reply
Life Issues/Advice

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum