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 Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:34 pm
Yes, you read that right!
As of yesterday, I'm currently in a long distance relationship with the most wonderful man in the world. He's 25, got a decent job in doing what he loves to do, and he's the most intelligent, kind, caring, warm man I've ever met. He has spina bifida, and he's been in a wheelchair his entire life, though he lives and works independently. By contrast, I'm 18, a full- time student, and I live my life like any healthy teen. We've known each other for awhile, and I've had feelings for him for some time, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend... I said yes.
He currently lives in Ohio, and I live in Texas. We've never met, but it's our biggest dream that perhaps this summer, we can. 4laugh
The main reason I'm posting this, is to see what you guys would think about a situation like this. Also:
- Would you ever date anyone in a wheelchair?
- Have you ever been in a Long Distance Relationship?
- Have you ever been in a relationship with someone in a wheelchair or someone who had a disability?
- How could I possibly get my family to respect him as an individual? They literally laughed and kept making jokes about him when I told them he was wheelchair-bound. They also asked me questions like, "Are you desperate?"
In essence, any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you for reading and for your response! Have a good day!
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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 7:40 am
Different people define "long distance relationship" in different ways. I don't consider a relationship to be long distance if the people have never met in person. If people met online and only know each other through the internet, phones, and/or webcams, then I call it an online relationship. I consider something to be a long distance relationship if the two people have met in person but live far apart and can't see each other all that often as a result.
I dated a guy who lived an hour and a half away. He'd drive up and stay on weekends or other days off. Some people might consider that long distance, but I don't really. We were both pretty busy, and we hadn't been together all that long, and he didn't mind driving, so the distance wasn't really an issue for us.
I would consider getting into a long distance relationship. It would really depend on the details of course. I would NEVER get into an online relationship though. I'm fine with meeting people online. I've met a few guys online. I met my current partner online, and we have been living together for over five years now. So I have nothing at all against meeting people online. But every single person I met online was very different from how I was picturing them when I met them in person. Even my current partner was not at all what I was picturing. Chatting online, talking on the phone, swapping pictures, and even using webcams are just not enough to give an accurate picture of a whole person in my opinion. There's still so much that you can't see. So I am ok with meeting people online. I am ok with meeting people from the internet in person. I am ok with being attracted to someone over the internet. But I could never actually say and feel that we were in a relationship until we met in person. When I was attracted to someone online it was always more of a, "Let's meet in person and then see how we feel and where this goes." And sometimes it went somewhere and other times it did not!
I have never dated anyone in a wheelchair, but I would certainly consider it. If my family called me desperate and made jokes about it, I would probably ditch my family to be perfectly honest. Joking about a disability is awful, and I don't think family is really anything special anyway. It's just people you're related to. So what? That doesn't make them special, and it doesn't mean you have to like them or have them in your life. Hitler had relatives. So if a relative was making fun of me, calling me desperate, laughing at disabled people, and making fun of disabled people (especially if it was a disabled person that I had just told them I cared about), then I would say they weren't good or mature enough to be in my life. I like to be around good people, and I like to not be around bad people, regardless of whether we're related or not.
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:12 am
- I don't know if I'd ever date anyone in a wheelchair, but if I really cared for the person, I don't see why I wouldn't.
- I've done LDRs, both online-online and my current one which involved a couple of years of living apart for work and education purposes. The online-only ones were when I was younger, and nothing happened with them (though granted one ended beyond our control). The first relationship I was ever in was when I was about 13, it was online, my parents didn't know, and it was really unhealthy.
- I've personally never dated anyone with a [physical] disability.
- I'm having issues with my family right now (and the past several years) over the person I'm dating, but for different reasons. It's resulted in me distancing myself from my family and strained relationships, but as Lorien said, even if we are related they are not necessarily people I want to be around.
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Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:34 pm
I wouldn't do a LDR, but I don't see how dating someone with a disability would matter if you care about them in that way. I agree with Lor about LDR/Online relationships, though.
I have had online relationships, but like Niko they didn't go very far.
My husband has issues with his shoulder, so I have to carry heavy stuff or move furniture or whatever, but it's nbd.
Also, I think it's horrible that your family would say stuff like that and make fun of someone for being in a wheelchair.
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:42 pm
-Would you ever date anyone in a wheelchair? For me, it all depends. I don't judge people without knowing them first. I decide whether I like them or not AFTER i know them, It does not matter what they look like, or if they have a disability or not. I am currently very good friends with 3 people that have disabilities, my two little cousins have disabilities, yet i also have an enemy with a disability. It depends on the person, not what they can't change or control. - Have you ever been in a Long Distance Relationship? I was going to have a long-distance relationship, but then we agreed that it would be difficult. He lives in Italy, and I live in Canada. We liked each other so much, but we both knew that we would probably end up meeting someone else, or hooking up with somebody at a party. It was inevitable. So we decided to be together for his time in Canada (he's an exchange student here until late June) and then stay close long-distance friends. - Have you ever been in a relationship with someone in a wheelchair or someone who had a disability? No, I have not. Like I said, though, it all depends on the person, so I could possibly end up marrying somebody with a disability or who is in a wheelchair. Personally, I don't know how it would fair if he would be in a wheelchair, since I am the kind of person who is always traveling, moving, doing something, but if it was true love, I would do anything for him, even adjust things (like my moving-around-ness) to meet his needs and include him the best i can. - How could I possibly get my family to respect him as an individual? They literally laughed and kept making jokes about him when I told them he was wheelchair-bound. They also asked me questions like, "Are you desperate?" Firstly, you are absolutely NOT desperate. If you like/love him enough to make any type of official commitment (this includes being boyfriend/girlfriend) then what other people think is irrelevant. I know, it does become annoying, and very hurtful, when your family and friends judge your choices. If you have the guts to do it, tell off your family and friends. Tell them to let you be, to let you make your own choices and not to judge just because he is in a wheelchair. Ask them "If he didn't have a wheelchair, would you be judging me and calling me desperate?" Put them in their place. They have no right to judge you like that. Your choices are your choices, and it's the one thing you have absolute control over. If you want to go for a more heart-felt way, talk to you family members and friends one-on-one. Tell them that it hurts you when they say things like "Are you desperate?" Tell them that you like/love him very much, and that you want them to accept your choices, just as you except theirs. Hopefully, I was able to help out a bit. Good luck 3nodding
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