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Yes, this is basically a bunch of drama, but I still hope someone can help me make an important decision because I don't want to make another bad one. This is all super uber long, but the bolded paragraph is where I get to the point.

So this random boy starts talking to me out of nowhere while I'm at lunch. He tells me things that I think might be a bit personal, but I don't say anything because it looked like he needed to get them off his chest. He'd tell me things about how I reminded him of his best friend who passed away (R.I.P) and how he would wake up in places battered and lost. I sort of didn't believe him at first because the things he'd tell me sounded very far fetched, but eventually we became friends. At that time in my life, I was going through my first case of sexual harassment by another student, and my friend made a remark about my trench coat. He told me I could flash him, i guess because it looks like a creeper coat, and that he would like it..because he's a guy. >> (It's part of our uniform so I don't know how he could make that connection.) I assumed that he was getting a little out of hand and what he said really frightened me since he meant it because he liked me. He also said it himself that he meant it when he said I could flash him. So I told him we should not speak to each other anymore. I didn't want his feelings to evolve and I was afraid of how..bold he was becoming.

A year later I start talking to him again because I was tired of him stalking me and saw no point in ignoring him. I guess I got over it, and I befriended his best friend, who kept insisting that I talk to him again. Eventually things went back to how they were and we became even closer friends because I knew what he told me was true since I confirmed it with his best friend. ( I asked about the dead friend etc. before his best friend knew I was the girl he talked to last year.)
To make things short, I started going out with him because I wanted to give him a chance at having something because he supposedly never gets his way?? He has had a very hard life and he often swims in all the negativity. His best friend kept reminding me of how I was my friend's "escape" or "paradise" from all negativity. In fact he would only open up to me, and being the naive dork that I am, I wanted to help him so I became his pillar of support. The only one, and it really started to wear down on me because I was now carrying his burdens. He even forced himself on me once because he wanted to "kiss" or whatever. Despite all that I did the unthinkable just to satisfy him- I gave him my virginity.
We planned on losing our virginity to each other on his birthday, I don't why. I said I wanted to because I thought I'd never meet someone else like him so I should give it to someone who cares about me. (You know the usual crazy stuff love blinds you into saying when you're 16 :/) He agreed and we both continued to discuss our plans of contraception and a plan in case of it failing etc.
Well we were both in his room and I was stuck at his house for like 5 hours because I had to wait for my dad to pick me up after work. I had no money to take the bus and his parents weren't home. Throughout the time I spent at his house, he wouldn't stop bugging me about having sex. I wasn't ready and I kept telling him I didn't want to. ( His birthday was months away, and I assumed by then if we were still together by that time, it would be okay and I would be ready.) He still continued to beg and finally out of fear that he'd try to force himself on me again I let him. I kept telling him I was scared and I hoped he would change his mind but he didn't. Half way through he noticed I was crying so he asked me if I wanted him to stop. I said no because he was already doing it, I might as well have let him finish. If he was really concerned about my well being, he would have just stopped on his own, or not even have started.
Ever since then, I had let him get away with him wanting to have sex because I was afraid he would tell someone out of anger or that he would just do it anyway. He almost got me pregnant once, but my other friend, Steph, helped me get access to a Plan B. After that she put her foot down and insisted I stop going out with him. She had already threatened the guy before we went out that if he'd hurt me she'd get him. He's afraid of her, so of course he was very upset whenever I talked to her about our relationship. I don't know why he would be so scared of her knowing??
Currently, I have broken up with him, but I am feeling the tremendous guilt of leaving him. I was once the only person he'd ever open up to, and as his friend, I still want to help him because now he's more pissed and closed off than ever. It probably is because of me and Steph.
I am also feeling the guilt of having let him use my body. I feel like a slut, a whore, and I really wasn't ready for any of things I let happen. People are always saying how you should treasure your body and how you should save yourself for someone who's worth it. I can't decide whether he was worth it or not because he was a pervert, but he was also my friend. sad ( I trusted him, and I betrayed myself for letting him get away with it. I don't know what to make of all this, and I don't know whether I should just abandon him because he's suicidal and if I really was his pillar of emotional strength, if I'm gone, how will he do?? Was the whole "i need help" thing an act to get me to go out with him?? I know he didn't just ask me out for the sex because he says he never thought about doing that until I brought the subject up, and he was a little more controlled, except for the "kissing" incident, before we planned on having sex. I still have feelings for him and I'm just really at a loss at what to do, and I could use some advice. What exactly do you tell someone who isn't a virgin anymore? you can't tell them to abstain from sex, and in my case, does that mean I don't respect myself anymore? I'm very very confused and I don't know what to do next. Considering how low my self esteem is right now, I am very afraid of allowing this to happen with someone else. I don't want to end up at the point where I don't even care about myself anymore. sad

A tad bit tough to say.. But reading all of this.. I leaned more towards you need to forget about him and move on with what your plans are and what you want to do. I wouldn't recommend being involved with him in any shape or form. You tried to make things work again with him and you recognize that it has failed. You didn't fail him, he failed you.

I have a bunch of things to say, and I'm sure Lorien will have her own bit to say too, but I want to say this first and foremost: You are not to blame. You are not responsible for his choices in his life, for whatever burdens he has to deal with, for his personal and psychological issues, his emotional problems, none of that is your fault or your responsibility. You are not responsible for him forcing himself on you - that was wrong, and he shouldn't have done it. He should have known better, as your boyfriend and as a decent human being.

If you are having trouble processing what happened, please ask someone for help or find someone to talk to - close friend, school counsellor, medical doctor, professional therapist or psychologist, etc. If you are not comfortable speaking in person to someone about it, we can find you a list of online resources.

Your thread title is asking if you two should stay friends - my answer is a very emphatic, definite NO. This guy has taken advantage of you in more than one way, he took advantage of you sexually, and if he cared about you at all (even as just a friend) he wouldn't treat you the way that he does. Plus you said he "loses control" sometimes, which is scary and not something you should be around. Being his girlfriend or his ex-girlfriend or a former friend does not mean that you owe him anything. You owe him nothing.

He sounds like his needs professional help, honestly. Have you talked to his parents at all? Do they know what he's like?

If I were in your situation, I would cut contact with him. You don't even have to give a reason, but if you feel like you have to, you could always say something like:

- "I don't feel safe around you anymore and I don't want to talk to you anymore. Please don't try to contact me."

- "I don't want to be your friend anymore. Please leave me alone."

And then block him on your e-mail account, any social media you have connected with him, etc. Don't give him a way to contact you, and stop talking to his best friend if you have to. Don't let that guy use you on behalf of your ex either.

As for the issue with your self-esteem, you are not a slut, a whore, or any of those terms that have a negative connotation. *hug* You were in a difficult relationship with someone who took advantage of you, and that's not your fault. What you can take away from what happened is that you know what not to do again, and you know what to look out for if someone ever tries to do that to you again. I also want to meet your friend Steph and give her a hug for looking out for you and helping you get to Plan B. Another silver lining to the situation is that you are not pregnant, and you did not get an STI from him. You can move on and not have to deal with him or think about him anymore.

Having sex with someone you don't care about/aren't prepared to handle (etc) doesn't make you a bad person. We all make mistakes and have things we regret. Me, I had sex with my ex for 2 months after he broke up with me, even though I knew he didn't care for me anymore and was using me just for the sex. It happened, I dealt with it and have learned from it. With you, you can still respect yourself and your body by making better choices in your future. You have been through some rough stuff, but you can learn from it and not repeat those mistakes in the future. You can abstain from sex in the future until you are with someone you trust again, someone who really cares about you and won't try to take advantage of you or manipulate you the way that your ex did. Trust yourself and you will know when you feel comfortable to be intimate with someone again.





And if you ever want to talk to someone about what's going on, you're always more than welcome to message me. smile

And now you can see what a scumbag he is and that you can do so much better than him. mrgreen He can be some other girl's problem now. As for the rumours, you can just ignore them if you want - anyone who's your friend like Steph and who knows what you're really like will know better than to believe those lies. He's probably just trolling for a reaction anyways, and by ignoring him and his stupid rumours you will show him that he's not worth your time and that you just don't give a s**t anymore. wink

Lemme go looking and I'll post later with a list of sites I know of, or I can PM you directly if you'd prefer. smile Either option works fine for me.

Not a problem. 4laugh