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 Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:01 pm
I know I'm not the smartest person at my school, but I think I'm doing pretty good since I made honors society and was asked (almost begged) to work in the writing center, and I'm getting good grades and stuff.
I keep trying to push myself, to really learn- and my professors admire that in me and it makes me want to work even harder, but I don't feel like I have support at home.
I live with my gf and her husband, and my partner and my new roomie Charlie. I feel like there's a lot of people, pretty much everyone but Chryos (my gf's man) telling me that I can't succeed. Like, I know I'm busy- and I know I get stressed, but I'm frustrated with people telling me I can't instead of asking what they can do at home to help me.
My ASL class was canceled, and I need a foreign language- so I signed up for Chinese, and when I told people everyone was like "That's a bad idea!" and it feels like people are telling me I'm too stupid to do it. Charlie told me about her friend who was a double psych and Chinese major who was totally overwhelmed- but I'm not a double major or at her level of college. Rosie kept saying how overwhelmed I'd be and how she couldn't do it and how Chinese was "too hard", and it just made me feel like no one is saying "Yeah! Go for it! You can do it!"
I thought I wanted to get my PhD, and listening to Charlie I'm wondering if I even want to go for my 4 year. cat_sweatdrop It's all really depressing.
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Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:30 pm
Ri, you're smart. I know you are. I know you can do this.
It may not be the same but I have a friend who works 60 hours a week, is still working toward her management degree(I forget which level), runs a club on campus, runs a convention(currently some dude asked her to help out with his so he could hold it at the college since he's a non-student), and is writing a book. I think if she's able to do all that then you can get your PhD. You made honors society. To me that means you have what it takes to reach that goal. It may be hard but don't give up on it if that's what you really want.
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Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:33 pm
Honestly, I've heard Chinese is hard but this would be an introductory level class right? Don't sweat it too much.
As for the PHD thing, not everyone is cut out for it but that doesn't mean you aren't. And double majoring at a graduate level isn't the same as being just a grad student. You're not double majoring so the comparison just doesn't work.
My housemate S is one of the smartest people I know and she's been struggling a little with her Masters ( I think becasue she's not sure what to do when she's done) but she's still getting it done. On the other hand, my bf's brother seems like a meatheaded jock (and sort of is) but he just got himself a PHD in bio chem or some such. Everyone is different and everyone learns differently. It all depends on your drive, determination, and passion. Don't give up on anything yet, and remember, your decisions aren't set in stone. You can set a PHD as a goal but focus on one step at a time first. Finish your current program (Associates, Bachelors or whatever) then think it over and decide if you want to go farther with it when the time to make that decision actually comes.
As to the support, it sounds like they're not trying to tell you can't so much as just wanting you to be aware of the possibilities. How do you respond when you don't succeed in something that you set your sights on? Sometimes people can be overly anxious not because they think you will fail, but because they worry about what will happen if you do. Talk to them and try to make it clear how things are coming across to you.
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Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:49 pm
The long and the short of it is: People suck. The people telling you you're going to fail will be the same people who will condemn you as a quitter should you pack it in. Reach for your goals for yourself first and foremost. There are people online and offline who believe you have the skills and the ability to achieve those goals. Don't waste energy and time listening to those who don't. I wish I had half as much drive and energy and enthusiasm as you do. Do what you need to do for yourself. Each choice you make sets you in a different direction. Take each choice as a crossroads when it comes. Don't be surprised if you end up somewhere completely off your original itinerary for the journey. And you will have hands and hearts open to you along your path, wherever it goes. You might like this: http://youtu.be/7woW7DmnR0E
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Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 6:59 pm
Yami, Raven, Morg- thanks! I really needed to hear that and it means more to me than I can say here. emotion_bigheart
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Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 9:31 pm
I don't think they meant anything by it. People often aren't aware of how their words can hurt when they feel like they're trying to help. If you're already feeling under a lot of pressure, and you're getting stressed at school and at home, I can see why they'd want to try to give advice or would feel like their advice would be appreciated. It's pretty annoying when everyone suddenly becomes some sort of Life Guru, and you sort of just have to tell them how you feel when they do that.
But don't put yourself in a situation where if you fail you'll feel awful about yourself. What I mean is - well, I was in psych honours, and in my uni that was basically the equivalent of a Masters degree. I know different unis have different honours plans, so I don't know how you do it. Thing is, because it was two years of Masters condensed into one year, it was high-pressure and high-stress and the rumours persisted that the 4th year honours class routinely saw half its number in the counsellors' offices for burn-out before the year was done. (Bachelors degrees take 3 years here; honours is the 4th.) I did pretty well in 3rd year, but I still stressed ridiculously throughout the year. 4th year classes I could do, and a dissertation I could do - but not at the same time. I was about pressure rather than ability. I knew I'd be one of the ones having a breakdown and I didn't want that, so I ended up switching and just finishing up my bachelors'. I could (and can) always go back and do a Masters later on. If you're getting really stressed, you can talk to people at your school about how to plan your degree, and what you can do to make your workload less difficult. Maybe take a summer class instead of an extra one during the semester, or spread your degree out over 5 years instead of 4.
Point is, it's not failing or anything to recognise your limits. If you're happy doing what you're doing, that's great. Tell your friends that Chinese is the language you find interesting or that you feel will be most useful and that you've made your choice and would like their support. Right now they're just trying to look out for you, and I bet they don't realise how nay-saying and negative they sound or how upsetting that could be.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:27 am
Thanks Sang, and I did talk to them and explain stuff. I just don't have a lot of places where I can post what is going on in my life because our interests overlap so much that most of the "journals" from other guilds will pop up in their Guild feeds.
Where I'm at Honors is basically a matter of GPA and Academic Advising- and less about an overarching program. I want to buy some software to help me too- and I think I might see if my Student Services rep can use some of the grant money to buy that for me.
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 7:23 am
Everyone has already made perfectly valid points so my contribution shall be: you can do it!! Seriously, if you're already doing well, there's nothing to stop you from doing whatever else you want to.
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:24 pm
iKillCaustic--uKillMe Everyone has already made perfectly valid points so my contribution shall be: you can do it!! Seriously, if you're already doing well, there's nothing to stop you from doing whatever else you want to. Thanks! In other news- I got a PM from one of my partners today, it said "I just wanted to let you know that not only are you the love of my life but that I am very proud of what you are achieving in school and know this. The path ahead may be long and it may at times be hard but I love you, I believe in you and I am here for you ever and always."
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:40 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:48 pm
Yeh- it ment a lot to me. cat_whee
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Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 5:54 am
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Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 9:20 am
Also, if you do get overwhelmed by all the stuff you have to do, that doesn't mean you've failed or can't do it.
I can only use myself as an example, here. I get really stressed and overwhelmed easily, and doing my Master's has been grad school on steroids, and sometimes I've phoned my boyfriend in tears about how I've got too much to do, and I'm going to fail miserably, and woe is me. But I also just kept on working and now I'm almost finished my degree. Point being, if I, who gets stressed out stupidly easily, can do it, you totally can, too!
The other thing is, most of the professors I've met really want their students to succeed so they're actually really happy to help, and pretty understanding about students having tonnes of stuff to do, so they'll do things like give extensions on assignments and papers as long as you actually talk to them and ask.
(BTW, from what little I know, Chinese grammar actually shouldn't be particularly hard to learn, although learning to pronounce things probably will be. I tend to think learning to wrap one's head around weird grammatical structures is harder than learning to pronounce things (if nothing else because usually native speakers will understand you as long as you get the pronounciation mostly right), so you may not find Chinese to be as hard as everyone is making it out to be.)
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:12 am
Katefox Tarnagona The other thing is, most of the professors I've met really want their students to succeed so they're actually really happy to help, and pretty understanding about students having tonnes of stuff to do, so they'll do things like give extensions on assignments and papers as long as you actually talk to them and ask. My lecturers are like that - they are alwasy there to help you if you need it and they go out of their way to see you succeed if you show them you really want to learn. I think the world needs more lecturers/teachers like this.
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