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 Posted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:31 pm
I can't believe I almost forgot about this guild. I've been looking everywhere for advice.
I started dating one of my best guy friends. We've had small crushes on each other since freshman year (we'll be seniors this year) and we've never had the chance to date till now because I've been in a relationship the past year and a half and before that he was. Well now that my relationship is no longer existing (as of may) we have started dating. So far we hung out once as friends at my house and then went on a movie/dinner date last week.
My last relationship was very physical and though I am still technically a virgin, we've done EVERYTHING except actual sex. My friend on the other hand has don't no more then kiss...and not even make out type kiss.
The other night we were texting and he said he "felt really weird." and that he "actually would be up for kissing" then he said "I have never felt this way before". I talked to him about how far he could comfortably go before he'd like us to actually be a couple before doing. (btw, I don't really want a serious relationship so soon after my last but I think I'd be ok with it by Septemberish.) He said he doesn't really know what else there is beyond kissing.
I don't know how to deal with this... I feel like a slut if I just, while making out, put his hand in my shirt. But I feel lame if I ask him about all this and don't even do anything once we hang out next. GAH! I'm just confused... I'm normally the innocent one in relationships. gonk
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Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 7:32 am
There's nothing wrong with his lack of experience, and there is nothing wrong with your experience. People move at very different paces, and that's ok and nothing to feel weird about.
A few years ago I was with a 21 year old guy who had never done anything sexual at all, not even a kiss. We decided to have a casual, friends with benefits situation. And it went fine. He was a really awkward kisser at first, but he started to catch on pretty quick. And he did everything else fine, even without any guidance from me. If he didn't tell me about his lack of experience, and if he wasn't such an awkward kisser, I never would have guessed that he was inexperienced.
Stuff like that is usually only a big deal if you make it a big deal.
Since your guy isn't even really aware of his options, you might need to explain things to him or guide him a little more. But it still shouldn't be a big deal.
You can tell him all of the things two people can do, and you can ask him which of those things he thinks he would interested in and comfortable with. There's no reason to feel weird about that. Asking him that question isn't the same as promising to do those things with him.
Or you can wait until you are hanging out. I wouldn't recommend just doing things like sticking his hand up your shirt without asking though. If he's genuinely not aware of what the options are, then just doing things like that could mean that you take things faster than he wants to go and neither of you would realize it until it was too late. Instead, I would recommend asking. Say something like, "Do you want to touch my breast?" Or "Do you want to see my breasts?" Or "Do you want me to take my shirt off?"
And don't be afraid to guide him by saying things like, "Not so rough," or "A little to the left," or "Slower." We all like different things, so even experienced people need some guidance sometimes because what their next partner likes might not be what their past partners liked. So never feel weird about giving guidance.
Make sure that he understands that you're not ready for anything serious just yet.
And don't forget that STDs can be transmitted orally. So if you have any doubts at all about your status, get tested first or use condoms. They make flavored condoms for oral sex. The condoms can also be cut along one side to create a sheet of latex that can placed against the vulva to give protection during oral sex on a woman.
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Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 8:38 am
LorienLlewellyn There's nothing wrong with his lack of experience, and there is nothing wrong with your experience. People move at very different paces, and that's ok and nothing to feel weird about. A few years ago I was with a 21 year old guy who had never done anything sexual at all, not even a kiss. We decided to have a casual, friends with benefits situation. And it went fine. He was a really awkward kisser at first, but he started to catch on pretty quick. And he did everything else fine, even without any guidance from me. If he didn't tell me about his lack of experience, and if he wasn't such an awkward kisser, I never would have guessed that he was inexperienced. I'm kind of worried that he'll be a bad kisser... Or what if there is no spark? I feel like if I don't like it then I have to fake it till he gets better. Quote: Since your guy isn't even really aware of his options, you might need to explain things to him or guide him a little more. But it still shouldn't be a big deal. You can tell him all of the things two people can do, and you can ask him which of those things he thinks he would interested in and comfortable with. There's no reason to feel weird about that. Asking him that question isn't the same as promising to do those things with him. Yea... I guess that's true...we're moving at kind of a slow pace anyway so he probably won't want to do a lot right now beyond kissing.... Quote: Or you can wait until you are hanging out. I wouldn't recommend just doing things like sticking his hand up your shirt without asking though. If he's genuinely not aware of what the options are, then just doing things like that could mean that you take things faster than he wants to go and neither of you would realize it until it was too late. Instead, I would recommend asking. Say something like, "Do you want to touch my breast?" Or "Do you want to see my breasts?" Or "Do you want me to take my shirt off?" That's a good idea.. thank you! Quote: Make sure that he understands that you're not ready for anything serious just yet. Yea, he knows. He doesn't want us to be a serious couple ether so soon after my break up. His mom is kind of warning him to take it slow incase he's just a rebound to me. Which he is not!
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