Welcome to Gaia! ::

All summer I have been feeling as if I am in a funk. I just find myself feeling as if something is missing, or something I should know. I started my very first weekend of summer on my way to a little shop my friend told me about called Into The Mystic. I thought maybe somebody there can help me. But on my way there, I passed out and had to spend the weekend in the hospital instead. It was weird, I was perfectly fine and then I was looking up from the ground wondering how I got there with people worried.

When I got to the hospital, I was put into a room where the woman next to me started talking about my childhood to me. I guess she use to live where I did and was telling me different stories about my childhood. Later I discovered she was the mother of my old friend Clifford who died a few years back who I keep having nightmares about on the anniversary of his death every year. My friend got me a bracelet that day that she felt she had to get me, which was a symbol from a re-accuring dream I had around the same time last year that I could never find information about. Even now, I can't find any information on it except it's an Alchemy symbol that has to do with the Elixar of Life.

When I talked to people about it, they told me I was overthinking it and to just forget about it although not only was there no reason for my collapse, but also a heart condition I've been born with just disappeared afterwards too.

Still stuck in my rut, I went to this place that was a Spiritual Science Church. There, a woman I have just introduced myself to told me that Clifford wanted me to be happy and to move on, and that he did like me but was glad we never became a couple because he would have left me heartbroken. Everything happens for a reason, and apparently even when he's gone a piece of him will always be there for me. She even told me how he died in detail, which of course, surprised me. I nearly broke out in tears right then and there, and I'm not one to cry in front of anybody.

After talking to the woman some more, I found out she was one of the main mediums of the Spiritual Science church and offered me a trade of making brochures and things for her and she'll train me. She just really seemed really determined to do so, and everybody started coming up to me telling me that they don't know what to make of me and seemed confused about me because of it. It just the timing, and the way I've been feeling recently, I don't really know what to think anymore. And it confuses me because although we grew up together and he did ask me out quite a bit of times, Clifford was actually in a relationship with someone else when he died and we stopped talking to each other years before then. So why would he think of me after death instead of his actual girlfriend??

So there you have it, that's what's going through my mind. Later I'll post a picture of the symbol, I don't get online much anymore since my computer died. Hopefully I'll find more answers on my search soon that will help me feel less confused.