Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hi, all. Honestly, I'm just writing about what happened so far in 2013. I want it to be somewhere where people can read it, but not everyone. This guild's forum is perfect since only members can view it, and my words aren't entirely hidden away. I'm really just making a record somewhere that I can look at again later. LOL but if you are bored as heck, feel free to comment.


So, I don't think anyone here knows me. My name is Yan and I'm 22 years old. I recently graduated with a bachelor's degree, majoring in sociology and psychology. Around my 3rd year, I've already realized that I will have a lot of trouble finding a job. I was studying an extremely vague subject (sociology) that doesn't target any specific job, and also a subject (psychology) that is useless for jobs unless I get my master's in it. I had hopes for grad school, but soon found out that my chances are extremely slim for the program that I want (criminology). So I decided to save my money and go for a college program instead since I heard that job prospects are much higher for college graduates. With that said, I will be attending an accelerated version of the child and youth worker program in less than two weeks.

But of course, I'm not here to tell you about my academic plans. You see, I met a girl at the beginning of 2013. It would be more accurate to say that I met her in December 2012, but we did not talk or make eye contact. It was my first time attending an event that specifically targeted queer Asian youths, ran by well...an organization called Queer Asian Youths. I had gone to meet the coordinator because I wanted to volunteer with them.

Early January 2013, the volunteer program had their first meeting, and that's when I first spoke to this girl. Well, by speaking, I mean argued. We had very different perspectives on an issue that was under debate, and I found her a little annoying. But we ended up working together in the same projects and got to spend a lot of time together. Sometimes I would jokingly ask her out, and this girl would politely decline and remind me that I have a girlfriend.

Yes, I had a girlfriend of 26 months at the time. We had been on and off for a few months the previous 2 years or so, and have been hanging out together since the beginning of high school, thus having many mutual friends. But yeah, things have been wobbly between us since our two year anniversary...it would be more accurate to say that she changed a lot since working at coop jobs for her university program, and making a lot more money than me.

After realizing I actually did have feelings for another girl, I discussed things over with my friends, and openly confessed that I like another girl (in front of my friends and her). The next day, I decided that I ought to break up with my girlfriend because it is pointless to drag it on any longer and I should take the time to recover and find somebody more compatible with me.

Right after breaking up, I left my ex with our friends and I went to seek comfort from the girl. We had been hanging out together a lot for the past month and a half (it is now mid February). Figuring that I had nothing to lose, I asked her directly what my chances are. She hesitated, and soon, reluctantly confessed that she does like me.

In summary, we talked a lot about our relationship, we spent a lot of time together, and I spent less and less time with my friends. My ex refused to talk to me ever since I told her I'm seeing the girl from volunteer, and our friends have to decide which one of us to invite to things. Things went pretty well, and in a blink of an eye, it's been 3 months since we have been together. May 2013. That's probably around when she told me she's decided to go back to the States.

Oh, I haven't mentioned it yet, eh? I'm Canadian. And I'm not going to go into the details, just know that she cannot stay in Canada and ought to leave for at least a few years before we make plans to be together in the same country again...hopefully permanently the second time around.

It's actually only been three weeks since I saw her off at the airport (late July). We had our 6 month anniversary dinner last night via Skype (we had lobster biggrin ) and things are doing well. At least between us so far.

What I'm really trying to say would be, that 2013 has been a year of major changes so far. I lost the person who was the biggest influence of my life since high school (my ex). If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have gone to university at all. I am now disconnected from my friends. I chose to spend more time with my girlfriend instead of them, and for many reasons, they had some issues with my new girlfriend. And my girlfriend now lives 5 hours (by plane) away from me. I haven't felt so alone since middle school. While I'm in the middle of trying to manage this social disconnection...I am moving out for the first time as well...in less than two weeks.

It was a very spontaneous and impulsive decision. But due to on-going family issues, I decided moving out "right now" is a must...before it is too late. I foresee a lot of financial hardships in the near future. And packing my things is what triggered this wall 'o text. I keep getting this intrusive thought to pack some clothes and run away. Run away from my needy mom, run away from my friends who are now foreign to me, run away from the college program that I got into instead of grad school, and run away from this city filled with memories of the past. And run away to California where my girlfriend is and live life by the day instead of always being so stuck with the future. Sometimes I wish I can be more irresponsible than I am.

Not being irresponsible enough? : Shame that we have to feel that way, eh?

and what the hell, Shiny xD Thanks for the thread reply.

oh wow! Those are some big changes since the last time we talked!