What, Odelia wondered for the billionth time, is wrong with me. She was slumped on the floor of her room, staring at her reflection within the full length mirror that hung on the back of her door. Objectively, she wouldn’t find anything wrong. She looked reasonably healthy, though there were dark, bruise-like circles under her eyes from a lack of real sleep. And maybe her skin was a little too pale, but really. What kind of goth would she be if she had tan skin? No, she looked normal. Fine. It was only when she looked into her own eyes that she saw a hint that something might not be right. Her eyes looked haunted. Hollow. Lacking in hopeful vitality.

With a groan, she hid her face behind her hands and shut off her view of the mirror. This was ridiculous. She knew what she needed to do! She’d managed to deflect enough attention from herself that she was more or less certain that she wasn’t being watched quite so closely. Which meant that that kid should be a bit safer. So why did she continue to hesitate? There wasn’t anything stopping her from searching out that Cosmos person that Maus had mentioned.

“Nothing except me,” she muttered.

Which led her right back to what the hell was wrong with her. She wasn’t happy with her current lot in life. The idea of no longer being beholden to Chaos was a sweet one and something that she knew she wanted. Being free would feel amazing. She couldn’t explain it. She normally wasn’t so fearful when it came to doing things. But even as she told herself that, a vision of that damned beam of pure Chaos flashed into her mind and she began to shiver. The memory of that level of power and how it had made Saiph and Ekstrom feel so sick gave her pause. And Laurelite had wielded it so effortlessly! That, she thought grimly, was what made her hesitant. No one should have had access to anything like that, and yet. She didn’t know if this was something Laurelite could do freely or if it was more of a one time thing. And it wasn’t exactly information that she could just waltz down into the castle to ask!

Now, she didn’t think that the Queen was the sort to expend so much energy to punish one lowly senshi. Laurelite was known for calm consideration, after all. But until she knew more or had her hand pushed, Del knew that she wouldn’t be able to make a move for sheer terror of that memory. She couldn’t handle the idea of that much raw power being turned against someone she cared about. Hell, she couldn’t even handle the idea of someone she liked in moderation being targeted and hurt because of her.

And right now, there was too much information on her available within the databases. If she could just be sure of wiping out some of it! Just to give that much more protection to her loved ones… Could she manage that though? She was no hacker and who knew what precautions Info had placed on the files. But… But. If she could…

The thought made her breathless.

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