I just had to share this.

[Jakalope Rules]

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the e-mail about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....  

[Cataera]

rofl I actually dont think I would mind that chain letter...its freakin hilarious!  

[Jakalope Rules]

It actually wasnt a chain letter. It was in someones blog that I found xd

 

[Lady Ariana The 13th]

Too bad I don't have a high enough attention span to read all of it but it was very funny! Man, I haven't posted in here (Spam zone) in days sweatdrop Or at least it feels like it...  

[Jakalope Rules]

Lol, I feel the same. Jakalope has a full album preview Here If you want. (They have the one that you like up)

 

[Lady Ariana The 13th]

Jakalope Rules

Lol, I feel the same. Jakalope has a full album preview Here If you want. (They have the one that you like up)

Ah, well that's good! I'll have to go check it out  

[Jakalope Rules]

*Gasp* You changed your user name eek I really need to get around to thinking up a better name... but I can't think of anything good/origional that includes the word "Jakalope"

 

[Lady Ariana The 13th]

Jakalope Rules

*Gasp* You changed your user name eek I really need to get around to thinking up a better name... but I can't think of anything good/origional that includes the word "Jakalope"

Yeah, apparently lots of Gaians frown on numbers in the name so I figured I'd better change it. There was a charity that would only allow 2 numbers in your name... I didn't want to look like a n00b so I changed it.... Kinda sad though, it's a lot more to type in when logging on  

[Innocent Irrationality]

Your post reminded me of this e-mail I recieved:

Premièrement, avant de commencer à lire, vous devez vous asseoir tout
nu sur un sandwich aux tomates. Si vous faites pas ça, huit Eskimos barbus vont vous sortir du cul.
Bon, cé parti ! Et faites-le pour vrai, bon.
Pensez à une couleur . . . Si c'est rose ou brun, suicidez-vous sur le champ.
Pensez à quelqu'un que vous trouvez vraiiiiiiiment laid(e) ... Ben dites-vous que cette personne-là, cé pt'être déjà crossée en pensant à vous !...
Pensez à un chiffre de 1 à 10 . . .Si cé 4, ça veut dire que le cheval est ton animal préféré. Pourquoi le cheval? Parce que c'est d'même calisse.
On néglige souvent de penser à nos amies les plantes. Pourquoi ne pas prendre quelques heures de notre temps chaque jour pour se déguiser en plante et leur montrer qu'on les aime ?
La pollution, cé pas cool ? Si vous voyez une cacanne ou un kleenex qui traîne par terre dehors, engueulez-le et envoyez-le chier pour qu'y se sente mal. . .
Allez vous baigner dans une piscine pleine de rateaux . .
Maintenant si vous envoyez ce fwd à plus de 58 498 personnes, Bill Gates va vous donner 45 098 dollars, pis des ti-papillons magiques vont réaliser
tout tes souhaits. MAIS ATTENTION !! Si tu l'envoies pas à la moitié de la
racine carrée du double au cube de ton cousin du bord de ta mère, tes voeux, TES OSTIS D'VOEUX LÀ, ben y vont pas marcher...
C'est fait?
Vous pouvez maintenant manger votre sandwich aux tomates.

I'll translate it in another post  

[Innocent Irrationality]

Translation:

First, before you start reading, you have to sit down, naked, on a tomato sanwich. If you don't do it, 8 bearded eskimos will come out of your a**.
Here we go!
Think about a color... If it's pink or brown, kill yourself now.
Think about someone reaaaaally ugly... Well that person prabably already masturbated while thinking about you.
Think of a number between 1 and 10. If you chose 4, it means horses are your favourite animal. Why horses? Because that's how it works dammit!
We often neglect our friends the plants... Why not take a couple of hours every day to dress up as plants and show them that we love them.
Pollution isn't cool? If you see a can or a kleenex on the ground outside, yell at it and make it feel like crap...
Go swim in a pool full of rakes.
Now, if you send this to more than 58 498 ppl, Bill Gates will give you 45 098 dollars, and lil magic butterflies will grant you all your wishes. BUT WAIT!!! If you don't send it to half of the square of the double of the cube of your cousin on your mother's side, your wishes, YOUR DAMN WISHES, they will not work.
Done?
You can now eat your tomato sandwich

I hope my translation wasn't so bad lol  

[Jakalope Rules]

Your tanslation was excellent! That is quite hilarious rofl  

[Soulist]

That was ******** awesome.. I always see goofy s**t being banned on the news here and there...

Silly rapists. Trix are for kids. And the paranoid.