(Told you I was back. This was for a class. Enjoy)
Simply Heavenly
Grant Mitchelson wasn’t used to being confused. He had been brought up in a family of strong convictions, and deep moral background and had always been taught to know what was going on around him. He also was brought up to know that whatever he really believed was absolutely true. After all, if it weren’t true, why would he believe it? So his life, since birth, had been governed by black and white, of rights and wrongs, and he had always known where he stood.
However, at that moment, he was standing in a world of nothing. There seemed to be no floors, no ceiling, no walls…everything was just black, but by no means dark. There was no light source in this place, but he could see his hands clearly if he waved them in front of his face, and for some reason he felt the need to squint to see better as if the sun was shining very brightly. He looked around him, calm, but still perplexed, peering into the black world.
“Hey…anybody here?” He called. His voice echoed hollowly around him.
After a moment or two of utter silence, he heard the click of high-heeled shoes approaching him. Out of nowhere, a woman wearing a pure white pantsuit approached him, smiling gently. Her hair was a curly red, and it bounced as she walked. He noticed, with some level of pleasure, that it was not the only thing that bounced as she walked.
“Hi there Grant,” she said softly, her voice kind and honey sweet.
“Naw, it’s Mitch. I don’t really like the name my parents gave me,” he said.
“Alright Mitch,” she said with a nod. “Whatever you’d like to be called is fine with me.”
There was a short pause as Mitch re-evaluated his surroundings. He moistened his lips a little with his tongue, then returned his attention to the slender little thing in front of him.
“So,” he said, folding his arms across his chest. “You wanna explain to me what’s going on here? Where am I?”
“Oh…” she said, her smile ebbing a little. She sighed gently, then met his gaze with surprisingly fixating green eyes. Very exotic...definitely a turn on. “You’ve died, Mitch.”
Mitch chewed this over, then let out a sigh of his own.
“Oh really?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“How?”
“Well, you were caught in the crossfire of a convenience store robbery. You may remember…you were trying to make off with a case of beer, since the store owner was preoccupied by the shooters.”
“And I didn’t make it out?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
Mitch stood in silence, looking down at his feet. Then, abruptly, he chuckled to himself, then outright laughed.
“Well aint that a b***h!”
“Excuse me?” The woman said, wrinkling the top of her nose in a very cute way.
“Ah, never mind,” he said. “Just a figure of speech.”
“I’m sure you’ll have a lot of questions for me.”
“No, not really,” he said with a shrug. “I know what happens next.”
“Oh?” She asked, smiling incredulously.
“Yeah. You take me to the pearly gates. Some other people would go through judgment,” He explained. “But I already know I’m going to heaven.”
“Really now. What makes you say that?”
“Ah screw it doll, I’ll tell you on the way. We better get walking. This place gives me the willies.”
He motioned for the woman to follow him. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew that he was heading in the right direction. He had always imagined this day, and had always imagined that he would sense the road to heaven. He was meant to go there, after all, so he was sure the pull would be strong enough to act as a compass. He grinned to himself. The woman, walking beside him, glanced up at him in curiosity.
“You’ve adjusted surprisingly well,” she said.
“Well, I guess I’m just good at adapting then.”
“But most are weeping, breaking down, begging to get back to earth…not you?”
“Nah. Heaven is a great realm, and I already know that God’s laid out a plot for me to do whatever I want with.” He glanced down at the girl and cocked a mischievous eyebrow at her. “Come to think of it,” He said slowly. “are you one of those ‘just for me’ playmates I get as a reward?”
“What?” She stopped and stared at him. He didn’t stop walking.
“Forget it. Just kidding doll.” He wasn’t. “But come to think of it, who are you?”
“My name is Jilleane,” She said, sounding a little ruffled by his last comment.
“I’m what you guys call an angel.”
“An angel named Jilleane?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at her. “That’s a pretty plain name for an angel. And where’s the wings? The halo?” He pointed to the top of his head. He liked joking with this girl. She didn’t have much of a sense of humor, and watching her squirm with anxiety was quite a turn on. He liked making women uncomfortable, just enough so they don’t know what to say. It left him to do the talking, which he greatly preferred.
“The world’s idea of what an angel looks like is pretty much wrong,” she muttered. Good. That was the level of discomfort he needed.
“Yeah the world is pretty ******** up sometimes. Lots of people not believing in anything, or believing in things that aren’t even true. It’s a ******** up place down there. That’s one of the reasons I’m glad to be up here with you sweetheart.” He looked around, chewing at his lower lip. “This place got any cigarettes?”
“Afraid not.”
“Damn…ah well I suppose the smoke would make it smell bad around here.”
There was a long pause. He looked down at her as they walked, admiring her good looks. Had she been a woman back on earth, he would have snatched her up in an instant. The right height, right size…she was pleasing to look at, and fairly strong. But not strong enough to overpower him if he wanted to have a little fun with her. His mind wandered a little bit, and he found himself wondering how an angel was in bed. Probably heavenly. He chuckled to himself at his own pun.
“What’s so funny?” Jilleane asked, stiffening a little.
“Ah nothing. What’s it like to be an angel? Any powers to speak of?”
“Not really,” She said, shrugging. “I’m really just like a human, except I’ve always been up here.”
“Completely like a human? Not infalible or anything?”
“We have everything you do. Yes, we have flaws. Don’t you?”
Mitch eyed her, a little annoyed. She was prying a little too much for his liking. Asking for his flaws? He’d barely met the woman, and already this? Well angels were sure as nosy as earth girls, that was for sure. But the question was an interesting one. He wondered to himself what she would do if given more info than she was expecting. That might make her squirm.
“Well yeah…I suppose I have a few,” he said.” I’m a stubborn man, so I’ve been told, and I suppose my major sin is lust. Just can't resist a pretty face, ya know?” He grinned down at her. She looked away from him, nose wrinkled in that adorable little way again.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Ya know, most people would think I have lots of flaws. I don’t exactly follow everyone else’s moral codes. But hell, why should I? Nothing is universal, and besides, they’re all idiots anyway, right?
“Uh-huh.”
“I mean, sure I’ve taken a few things that aren’t mine, and I don’t always respect my elders. Oh, and I basically just love ******** with stupid people’s heads. I’m guilty of a few more ‘un-natural acts’ than the next guy too, but I’m still more righteous than they are. Know why doll?”
“No.” She was walking with fingers balled up into fists now. It was working.
“Well, I’ll tell ya. It’s because I’ve gone to church every Sunday, all my life.”
“That so?”
“Yeah, and I confessed my sins, asked forgiveness, done my penance, all that lovely s**t. I’m sure my family even had a priest perform last rights and everything when I died. I tell ya, that’ll get you a ticket to heaven every time. That’s how it works!” He paused to observe her reaction. She still wasn’t looking at him, and her stride had become tense and uncomfortable.
“I’m sure,” she muttered.
“You know I even strangled a cat once when I was a dumb kid? Some mangy stray? Had to recite a few Hail Maries to get out of that one. It’s nice to have your slate swiped clean and shi-“
“We’re here,” She said suddenly. “Just up here is the gate.
Mitch glared at her. He had never liked being interrupted. But as he looked up ahead of him, he could see why she’d cut him off. Pure, fluffy white clouds loomed out of the darkness, a golden gate of vines and metal stretched up and up in all that white. Mitch couldn’t suppress little laugh of amazement. It was a bloody cliché, right there in front of him. Too bad he had always known it would look like that, or else it would have been a much greater surprise! He looked over at Jilleane, all smiles, and gestured for her to lead the way. Best to let her feel at least a little bit important before they parted ways. She merely nodded to him and lead the way though. Some thanks that was, the little b***h.
At the base of the gates was a small, wooden podium. Across the top of it lay a great book, thicker than any Mitch had ever seen in his life. Behind it sat a small man with tiny reading glasses perched on his angular nose. His hair was grey and hung in a long ponytail down his back. He wore a pinstriped suit, and reminded Mitch in some way of a conductor at a train station. Despite the fact that he was a little different than expected, this man was known to Mitch. It had to be St. Peter. The man had his head down, and his eyes scanned over the page intently. He seemed not to even know that he had company. With a smirk, Mitch sauntered over to the podium.
“Whatsup Pete?” He asked, leaning over on the podium, trying to get a glimpse of the book’s contents. St. Peter brushed his arm off the podium without looking up from the page.
“Name?” He said dryly.
“Oh, yeah. That part. Grant Mitchelson,” He announced, straightening up a little. “And might I say it’s a pleasure to meet you sir.”
St. Peter grunted.
“Oh. It’s you,” he grunted. Mitch thought there was a hint of contempt in his voice. St. Peter tapped his fingers on the book and peered at Mitch over his small round glasses. “You have quite a reputation in this book you know.”
“I’m sure.”
“Do you have anything to say?”
“Ah-nope!” Mitch said with a grin. “I’m set. Lead the way!”
St. Peter looked at him for a moment, then shook his head slowly and closed the book. He walked out around the podium to where Mitch was standing.
“This way,” he said.
He led Mitch to the gates and pulled a tiny golden key from hic pocked. He slipped it quietly into the lock and turned. Without a creak, the gate swung open and a blazing light shown forth so that Mitch had to cover his eyes. St. Peter put out a hand and gestured inside, face set in a calm and resigned grimace.
“Welcome to Heaven,” He said.
Mitch looked from the blazing light to the hand of St. Peter, and a slow, giddy smile began to spread across his face. He let out a low chuckle, then roughly grabbed St. Peter’s hand and shook it.
“Hey thanks Pete…I mean Mr. Peter. I’ll see ya around.”
With that, Mitch gave one last look over his shoulder at Jilleane. He smiled at her and winked, mouthing the words “bye doll,” then stood a little straighter and strode boldly into heaven. The gate swung shut behind him and locked with a delicate little click.
St. Peter continued to stare after him a moment before returning to his podium and a seething Jilleane. Her eyes were locked onto the now closed gate, her fists clenched and shaking. St. Peter looked over at her and smiled gently before returning his gaze to the book.
“You ok Jill?” He said softly.
“Son of a b***h,” She muttered under her breath.
“Careful, you know he doesn’t like us doing that.”
“Yeah I know. Sorry. It just burns me up that we have to let people like that in on some technicality. He should be in hell and you know it.”
St. Peter paused, his hand on the closed book cover. His face hardened for a moment, and he let out a sigh.
“I know.”
“I mean, do you know the things he was thinking on the way here? Do you KNOW?!”
“Yes Jill.” He patted the book. “It’s all right here. I’m just surprised you didn’t tell him you could see his thoughts. He probably would have stopped you know.”
“Yeah, but why keep him from being who he is, especially in this place?”
“Thought his name wouldn’t be in the book by the time he got here?”
“I hoped.”
St. Peter opened the book and flipped through a few pages, chuckling a little.
“Don’t worry Jill. We have a few technicalities of out own,” He said, running his finger down the page to find a new name.
Mitch walked among other people, still wearing his grin from the gate. They all looked so happy, so perfect. Not to mention the fact that some of the women here were even more attractive than Jilleane. He could do whatever he wanted now, and he was ready for a little reward after the long walk here and a life of asking forgiveness for all the fun s**t he’s done in youth.
Without a word, Mitch reached out and grabbed for a passing woman’s large and inviting breast. He’d love to hear the squeal of distress when she felt him pinch. To his dismay, however, Mitch’s hand passed cleanly and painlessly through the woman’s torso. With a gasp, he started backwards, stumbling right through a couple holding hands. He let out a little yelp of surprise and backed into an unpopulated spot, panting.
No….no it couldn’t be.
Mitch rushed forward, trying to push a small child over on his face. Instead, he found himself falling hard onto the ground as the child walked right through his attack.
“No…” He hissed, getting shakily up. He turned and ran up to a man who seemed to be engaged in conversation with a much older gentleman. He got up right next to his face.
“Hey! Hey a** hole!” He screamed right into the man’s face, spraying spittle out into the air.
The man didn’t even flinch.
Mitch began to scream. He threw swear words out into the crisp air, damning that Jilleane girl and St. Peter too. Who was there to talk to now? Who was there to screw, and to play his mind games with?
“It’s not fair!” He shrieked. “You said you’d let me into heaven! I did what I was supposed to do! You bastards, I disserve a reward! Instead…” He trailed off, sinking to his knees sobbing loudly and bitterly. “You might as well have sent me to hell!”
He again began to scream, just shrieking into the empty sky.
Far away, at the gates of heaven, St. Peter heard a faint cry floating up from inside the gates. He listened to the noise die in the air around him, then smiled and went back to work.
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