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Truth Of The Matter

Deep down inside I'm never okay.
I cry for you each and every single day.
Deep down inside I'm like a roller coaster ride.
I rush to be near your side.
Within inside my heart,
I face us tearing apart.
Within Inside my soul,
I feel my heart lose control.
I miss you so much,
sometimes I can still feel your touch.
I miss the things we do,
sometimes I can still feel you.
Your miles away from my heart,
But this is all my fault.
Your so close to my sight,
why am I giving up without a fight?
Wondering if it will ever be,
the fact you will be with me.
Wondering if its true,
the fact still remains that I love you.
Am I strong enough to hold on.
To something so far, so fond.
And I am strong enough to hold back tears,
To something that brings so many fears.
Still with every passing day,
I can still hear those sweet words you would say.
Still with every breath I make,
I can still hear those foot steps you’d take.

Walking Dead

I always expected to outlive you
You aren't afraid to take risks
The kind of life you've led
Makes me shiver and wince
And I'm never quite sure what it's done
To your head

You're extreme
And you frightened me
More than once, and I didn't care
About you that much, just
An occasionally fun person to
Hang out with, and a friend
Of a friend

And I'd heard the rumours
But I didn't believe
Because I knew,
D*mnit, I knew
That you were really smarter
Than that,
Smarter than that...

You'd tried everything, I guess
Everything wasn't enough anymore
And you couldn't resist

Just once
One try
Just once

And now your "friends"
Keep you supplied
And you told
Your sister
That you'd cut back
And only shoot up
On the weekends

I didn't want to believe
Your sister
When she
Told me the truth
Saw the evidence
Heard it from you

But it only takes once
Just once

All the cliches are true
You're not an addict
You can stop anytime you want
You haven't sold much of your stuff
You trust your dealer
You always use clean needles
You're cutting back
It doesn't control your life

But it does,
It does

You've caught
A terminal disease
Some people beat the odds, yeah
Some people win the lottery too
And as somebody said,
"You don't do that sh*t
For life expectancy, you know?"

And I know you, I know how you try
To block out the pain
To escape, and separate
Yourself from the world
And this works, doesn't it?
Doesn't it?

So the distancing starts
As I begin to imagine you
In the past tense, because
Someday we'll find you
Lying on the floor
With a needle in your arm
And you'll never play
The guitar again

Never play the guitar again,
Never again

Gone

Why is this pain all I can feel
The rest of the world is a shadow
I walk through the fog knowing nothing is real
Looking through separate windows
Eyes are glass buttons reflecting the sun
Pavement makes more sense than gold
I cannot finish what I have begun
Fear is the blood of my soul
And you watch me through my head
Your words echo in my mind
It would be easy if you were dead
Instead you're just gone
And I can't find

I cannot hurt myself the way I deserve
I pull myself back from the flame
And I always know how much the pain is worth
And I always know who is to blame
I would give anything, anything
Words can't explain my sacrifice
I would do anything, anything
No deception or artifice
And you watch me from a distance
Your touch lingers on my skin
It would be easy if you were dead
Instead you're just gone
And I can't find

This world is filled with spirits
That are nothing more than bags of pain
If I could make their voices quiet
I would never hear again
In my aloneness I am never alone
You are always alone with me
I hope you never find a home
I hope that you are never free
And I watch for your shadow
Your image burned into my dreams
It would be easy if you were dead
Instead you're just gone
And I can't find

Stand Up For Yourself

Somehow I was the one who made you miserable
Even though you didn't see me for years
I was responsible for your lack of sex
And I was meant to put it all right in one night
But then I remembered why I dumped you the first time
Though 15 was a cruel age for you
You were sunk in a black pit, I've been there before
And I tried to explain but you never did see
Stand up straight
Get back on your feet
You're the only one who can do it
Stand up for yourself
You went to the party and acted like a child
Sulking and assaulting people with poems
I still can't believe you stood in the rain
(in the dark in the cold)
And still blamed me for all of your pain
We scared you, we were having fun
And I refused to be suckered by your puppy-dog eyes
So the next morning you ran back to your pit
To tell your friends that I was a demon in disguise
Stand up straight
Get back on your feet
You're the only one who can do it
Stand up for yourself
That jacket you lost? I lied, I kept it
And my sister wears it every day now
The mask that you gave me hangs on my wall
Reminding me that nothing is perfect
You're probably surprised that I'm not bitter
Why the hell should I be? I got over you
But if you have to cling to the shards of what never happened
Hey, it's not my fault...

Introspection (why)

Why do I persist in believing
In something that can never happen
And tormenting myself

Why do I dream of impossibilities
Only to wake with empty hands
And a hole in my heart

Why do I listen to the siren call
Of nostalgia, longing
And false regret

Why do I let myself drown
When the shore is a step away
And I know how stupid it is

Why can't I stop
Wanting
And confusing it with need

All I want is answers

-Megan

Echo Park

I could see the look in their eyes

a tainted look

not wanting him dead,



one took out a shiny blade

slicing into his face



he shrieked



I have never heard such a sound,

such a pitch



slashing legs

arms

chest



and in a few seconds

my friend was marred,



he shook so violently.



I picked him up in slow motion

stunned

as they removed

the shotgun from my temple

and sped away in their van

flashing their signs giggling.

Theatre of the Absurd

No words to deny
No words to excuse
No words, no words
I don't want to talk to you
You'll say the same things
What can I say that's different
I don't want to be here anymore
And it's been obvious for months
But you didn't bother to look
So now
Now you see the symptoms
And you want to know why
I'm tempted to laugh
If I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't stop
Or start screaming instead
The buzzing in my head
The fever in my body
The sickness in my stomach
I just want to walk away from you
From this place
From what I've come to
I know I can do better
But what's my motivation for this scene?