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 Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:02 pm
Always always following me.Us... The voice, it was there again. Fighting for dominance, Rage growled and paced in a circle. The sun was beginning to set, another restless night of sleep ahead for her and her split soul. She was once whole, but now to become whole once again seemed impossible.
You've lived this life long enough...it is my turn.No. She knew why the darkness wanted this life, to cause others into fits of Rage, to break all ties she had with any of the few friends she had made. To break things off with Od and Jini and Mrost,No, not Mrost, Mrost is War, War is brilliant.
So the lighter half was wrong.
Her soul was a constant swirl of light and dark auras trying to mix as one, though one trying to engulf the other always, trying to take over completely, eliminate the lesser, the weaker of the two halves. But she could not destroy part of herself though she tried in the past. She was doomed to this earth, and would forever be here alone.
She was indeed alone.
Though Rage had friends, she had no understanding why the dealt with her. She was a threat, a danger, a risk. Od had recently found this out. Rage just wanted it to end. The past was haunting her within the darker half of her soul. She suppressed the past deep within her, she feared it was too hard to come to terms with.
She just wanted it to disappear.
"Somebody...save me..." she stopped and lowered herself to the ground, put her paws over her eyes as tears threatened to fall. It was too much, the physical and psychological pain was becoming too great for her to stand. She feared what might happen...what she might do.
"Please."
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 8:51 pm
Koya wandered aimlessly, having no business in particular to attend to. She had pushed that to-be king towards her daughter, and the result was her becoming a grandmother again. It pleased her to know that Masuka had someone there to care for her, and cubs to tend to. She would make a wonderful mother, not like her own.
She had more family elsewhere, she could feel their blood pulsing, but she didn't think she could deal with so much in so little time. She had been in hiding for a few years, only to come back and find the world completely changed from what she remembered. She was adjusting, and didn't want to overwhelm herself.
Thus, she had resorted to wandering. Seeing the sights of the land always calmed her for some reason, and so she took a walk whenever she felt her nerves needed a bit of calming.
As she walked, something else pulsed at her. It was a call, though whether it was actually audible or just another feeling of hers, it was hard to tell. Perking her round ears slightly, she paused mid-step and looked around. Deep blue eyes spotted something in the distance, and her wings fluttered in silent question. Who was that out there? she asked herself. Flicking her tail, she wondered if she should approach the other. From the way the other's body moved, the silver goddess could tell the other was not in a delightful mood.
Gathering her courage, she decided that she would in fact approach this other. If she didn't learn to deal with others now, then she was doomed to never learn.
Folding her ears back in a submissive way, as to not look threatening, she changed her course and headed towards the other. As she neared, she noticed with great surprise that this other was another god. Moving closer, she realized it was a goddess. But why so tense?
"Hello?" she said tentatively, hoping not to frighten the other. "I don't mean to intrude.."
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Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:57 am
She heard a voice, wondered what this voice was now. Was it another voice, was the darker side of herself trying to trick her? Rage peered over her shoulder, silver hues settling on a gray form, wings on the strangers back, another goddess? This was interesting. "No worries stranger...I am just having trouble ...."
Rage turned around, pulled her wings tight upon her back and peered at the goddess standing before her. She had not seen her before, she also appeared nervous. Was Rage that frightening that others were always nervous around her? She folded her own ears back, flicked her tail once.
She didn't want to be a monster anymore.
"Are you wandering as I am? I am Ryu'Rage..." she said simply, no point in going too far into details with what she was. She might scare this one off, "Who..are you?"
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:26 am
At the mention that she was having trouble, Koya lifted her ears slightly and tilted her her in a questioning manner. It didn't appear as if she were having troubled, though she did look stressed. Was there some situation she was worrying about? Maybe something had happened and now she was fretting over what would come of it. But then, she could be completely wrong. She never was good at guessing.
As seconds ticked by, the goddess of the past found herself more and more relaxed. Though she was frigthened for the other, she was not frightened by her. This goddess had done her no wrong. She had only approached the way she had so as not to appear threatening.
Nodding her head slowly, she answered the question with gesture then afterwards with words: "I am indeed. I am partially searching and partially trying... find myself, if you wish." At the mention of a name, her ears perked completely forward. A name often helped her to remember. "Ryu'Rage," she repeated, thinking. "You are the goddess of rage, are you not?" She believed so. She remembered every god and goddess that was born, sometimes it just took a little help to jog her memory.
"I am Koya, goddess of the past," she replied politely. "I'm sorry if I'm being nosy, but is there something bothering you? I noticed that you seemed a bit..." She trailed off, not really knowing what to say, and at the same time not sure if she should be saying it.
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:12 pm
"Yes...unfortunately..."Rage said casting her eyes away and to the ground. She hated it really. She was the oddball of what her family had been, she had been the black sheep, the black mark across a canvas that had once been all white...but bits of the canvas were gone, and now she, the black streak remained. It was really a shame, she just wanted life to be better...be what it should be.
Goddess of the past?
She thought it in unison with her other half, her silver eyes turned to lay on her again. What did that mean she knew about her? Had she pried in her mind? What did Koya know...the beast churned, but was suppressed, to have a stranger dwelling in her mind, bring forward the past she had tried to keep hidden from her for so long...that would be horrible...least she believed.
"Yes...I can't...control myself usually...I'm not whole anymore..." She was barely whole to begin with.
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 7:34 pm
Koya frowned at the other, wondering at what was troubling the dark goddess. It seemed rather important, if she didn't bother to hide it from a stranger. She didn't think like others did, but some thought that showing issues was showing weakness, and showing weakness was unacceptable. She only wished she would be able to assist in some way or another.
Unknowing to Rage's fleeting thoughts, the silver female merely stood there, watching the other with caring blue eyes. But if she had been aware of the other's thoughts, she would have explained that it was impossible for her to pry into those that were like herself--in short: gods and goddesses. She needed their persmission before she could delve into their pasts, seeing things as they once had. It would probably have assured the goddess of rage to know such a fact, but as Koya couldn't read minds, she could explain her 'powers' to her.
"Not whole?" she echoed, feeling like a broken record of sorts. Why couldn't she think of anything comforting or helpful to say? "Is there something in particular that makes you feel this way?" She supposed it could have been that she didn't have control over herself, whatever that really meant. Not having control over oneself could possibly give one a sense of not being whole, perhaps.
"It's none of my business, but I would like to help if you wish me to.."
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:56 am
"Yes not whole...I'm torn inside...light from dark...it makes it hard to control myself sometimes..." her voice was soft, she hating saying that aloud, it made the problem clearly evident to her. She flicked her tail and let her wings fall a bit, she was tired, it was hard to keep them so tightly pulled back sometimes.
"Something that happened...makes me be this way..." she didn't have a choice whether or not to feel it, or try to compromise it. Rage really couldn't escape it. But when Koya said she could help, Rage's eyes rose up to meet hers, and she tilted her head. What could she do to help? She wasn't sure.
"H-how?" she was nervous about it, afraid to ever confront her past, but perhaps she had to do it, to live more peacefully maybe. Though it was difficult to face what happened too long ago.
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:12 pm
The silver goddess folded her wings gently against her side, giving them a rest. She eyed the other goddess, wondering just how deep this separation of 'light' and 'dark' ran. It seemed to tear her apart, so much so that Rage appeared to not even care if she was showing her distress in the midst of a stranger. She frowned, blue eyes drooping slightly. Her heart went out to this other goddess. Things in her past had severely changed her, and so she knew all too well the effects of the past.
"Sometimes, it is hard to overcome what has happened to us. It is a difficult road, but if we persist and push through, then life is truly worth it," she said philosophically, or rather from experience.
When asked how she could help, she took in a deep breath and thought for a moment. Her powers were limited. Her way of helping people was more her giving advice than anything that came from some supernatural power. Although, her powers did assist her at times.
"If I have understood you correctly, it is your past that is bothering you. I can help you to confront your past. It might take some time, and it migh cause some emotional pain, but it must be done if you wish to move on. Are you willing?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 7:56 pm
Rage knew some things were hard to overcome, so many things. She still hadn't gotten over the fact that she blamed herself for her family's death, that she was separated from her literal sister and didn't know where she was, or if she was alive, or if she would even remember her now. She feared that she'd be a danger to her friends she had made.
She feared she might hurt them herself...
How could life be worth it? How, Rage was trying to figure it out, how could it be worth it when she didn't know if there was anything or anyone left for her in this world, or if anyone cared. She always blamed herself, which fed the beast inside her.
"C-Confront it?" she tilted her head, eyes fixated on Koya now. Even the beast was confused, confront it, but...how, why? What would that do? Would it actually help? But...it would be too hard...wouldn't it? "How...what would...I have to do? What would happen?"
She wanted to know if she had to watch it happen...again.
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:46 pm
Unknowing to the silent wars raging within the other goddess, Koya simply sat and waited. She could be very patient when the circumstance called for it, and a common situation was when someone was in need of her help. It paid to be patient, she knew, so knowingly she sat.
But even in her patience, her thoughts raced with questions and impressions. This Rage, she was a sweet beast, but a misunderstood beast, perhaps misunderstood even by herself. Having witnessed the past of the entire world, she had a certain affinity for misunderstood creatures. It seemed to give her a purpose: she wanted to help them in any way she could to make them understood, so that they may live better lives.
"Confront it," she repeated, nodding her head solemnly. She could tell by the response she received that Rage wasn't all too keen in confronting her past. Obviously, something had happened that was just too haunting to live again.
But what, exactly?
"I am here to help, whenever you feel you need assistance. Most of this will be done by you, though I will give some crucial help for you to achieve what you wish." She paused for a moment, hesitating. "There is a chance it won't work, I must warn you," she said quietly. "But I will be here. Yes, I will be here.."
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 7:03 am
"But, what if I see it happen again?" Rage said with half tear-filled eyes. She hated that moment, when she had been helpless, the moment that haunted her constantly, that didn't allow her to sleep, that didn't allow her to get close to anyone at all. She shuffled her paws in a nervous habit she had as a cub, why did she do it now?
She was confusing herself, making it worse.
Rage had to admit, she felt comforted by the fact Koya said she would be here, here to help and just...be here. Koya seemed to have the same kindness that Ameh had...Rage knew she should go find Ameh perhaps, it would be nice to see her friend.
"Chance it...won't work?" Rage was just basically confused on what would happen, would she watch it happen again, or would something else happen. "What would happen if I did confront it though, and...what would happen if it didn't work?"
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 4:57 pm
Koya thought about this for a moment. "You do not have to see your memories unless you wish to. I will merely touch you with the tip of my wing, and I will see all that has happened. I cannot provoke memories... that is in the paws of my brother." She paused for a moment, glancing at her paws as they shuffled uneasily. Her brother. Where was he? She hoped the gods hadn't gotten to him, that he was alive and well.
"But I suppose if you think about them enough, they will come back. It is inevitable, but you must confront whatever is haunting you." It was the only way. The past could not be avoided. No matter what, it would always remain.
The silver goddess nodded her head. "Yes, there is a possibility that you will no be able to overcome your fear of your past. But there is only one way to know if you are strong enough, and that is to confront it directly, no beating around the bush, so to speak." Her blue eyes were soft as she looked at Rage. Such a terrfied creature...
"If it did not work... you will just continue to be haunted by that moment in time that has forever haunted you. It may hurt emotionally, but it is worth a try."
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:21 am
It was worth a try, though Rage was still a bit apprehensive. If she saw her memories, her past in her eyes, it would hurt her, again. How was she to know if the pain would ease or not? She sighed, nodded slightly, "Alright...I'll try."
Though she was a bit scared to tell the truth.
Rage tried to relax herself, she sat back, tried to mentally prepare herself for the worst, but hope for the best. Figured, she could never catch a break, she just didn't want to live this way anymore, she just wanted it to ease and disappear.
She could only hope.
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 10:56 am
Koya nodded her head and let out a breath, which made her realized that she had been holding it as she awaited the other's answer. But now there was nothing to fear. She was going to help Rage get through her past, to forget it and to finally let herself heal. The only thing left now was how?
She knew what she had to do, but she wanted to figure out a way to go about it. Rage was rather touchy on this subject, she could tell, since it seemed to scare her half to death. The silver goddess would have to be careful with how she dealt with this all. She didn't want to scare away the other goddess for good or, worse, scar her more than she already was.
"Good," she said, letting out another breath. "I'm not sure how long it will take. It all depends on how willing you are to let your past go."
Ruffling the torn feathers on the edge of her wings, she looked straight into the eyes of the other goddess.
"Are you ready? I'm going to touch you with my wings, and if you allow it, I will see your past. But do not worry, you will not be able to see this past, not unless you wish to see it. I can prevent you from seeing it, though, so just tell me what you wish. Then, I will proceed from there."
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Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 12:26 pm
"I-I'll show you if you want to see," then perhaps she could help, Rage wanted to be somewhat free from the plaguing images, she wanted a hope to maybe have a normal life, maybe even actually find a home then. Yes, that'd be nice. "I don't really...want to see but if I have to so you can...I guess I could see it again."
It wasn't like she wasn't familiar with it or anything.
Rage tried to relax, closed her eyes, she nodded with her eyes closed, as if giving Koya the sign that her wings could touch her. It was a strange feeling now, being afraid yet there was some hope in Rage, that Koya could help relieve some of the pain.
She would let Koya see as much as she wished to see.
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