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 Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:17 pm
Okay, well my problem is simple and complicated at once it that's possible. For years now, at least 10, I haven't been able to interact with people that I haven't grown to know really really well. I can hug family members without too much trouble, but thats about where it ends. I feel strange kissing my mom, even odder kissing my dad, however, I'm pretty good kissing the sisters, nieces and nephews.
My concern comes with people who are not related to me. I can't even hold hands with people who I haven't known for a long time, and dates are out of the question. It's really unhealthy the way I can't stand the thought of physical intimacy. So it begs to question...what's wrong with me? Why is it that when a guy wants to get close to me I draw away as if he were going to bite me? It wasn't always this way, there was a time when I could do all sorts of things with guys, but now the mere implication that they want to touch me makes me uncomfortable...and I pull away, making plans to avoid them from that point forward. At this rate I'll be alone forever...which is unbelievably depressing.
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:37 pm
You might want to consider the assistance of a therapist for this one. Just because there are a huge number of causes (and I don't know your history), and they would be better able to assist you in finding coping strategies. I can offer a couple of suggestions, but they may not necessarily be appropriate for your situation and I don't want you to go after the wrong thing.
Usually, antisocial or intemacy issues are often associated with abuse or rape, but any type of trauma such as crime, accident, life or death situations, "bad experiences" with relationships, friends or strangers, loss of a friend or family member, medical conditions, emotional situations, changes in sexual orientation and medications can do that as well.
Now I could be way off base with this next suggestion, but I know how my work has affected myself and my co-workers. And from what I've seen mentioned in your posts, you and I have experienced a similar work environment. I assist my clients with bathing, hygeine, and personal care, but I also deal with dangerous, rude and obnoxious behaviours. If a staff working in this environment cannot become desensitized, they become stressed, burnt out, traumatized or abusive. And that can lead to social and intemacy problems even if a staff does have apropriate coping abilities.
Anyway, those are the main ones I can think of at the moment. But I hope it will at least get you started. If you need anything don't hesitate to pm me ok
Good luck
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 7:25 pm
Thanks Thyna, it does help, oddly enough I havent even mentioned it to my therapist yet, maybe I've been avoiding it for fear of what he will say. The last time I mentioned something of the sort me and the woman I was seeing spent a good hour or so debating it until it got down to a "you were raped," "no I wasnt" kind of thing. She decided I was angry and I decided that I could care less what she thought. But you're right, several of those things actually do apply to me.
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 9:48 am
Unfortunatly, the percentages for rape and abuse are far too high for therapists to ignore the possibility, and will always be the first one they go to.
But hopefully you have a good therapist and by talking things out you can determine what is causing your discomfort, and find ways to over come it.
If you are interested, I can suggest a couple of books
The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz
I know it is created for survivors of sexual abuse, but you might find some of the exercises in the back helpful
For Yourself (I don't have the authors name at this time)
but it is a womans view on intemacy and sexuality.
take care
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:05 pm
Thanks Thyna, I might try those, and I don't know my therapist well enough yet, so I havent broached the subject with him. Yeah its a man...which is awkward in itself.
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:04 pm
yeah, sometimes having a guy for a therapist can feel a bit weird.
I hope it works out for you though
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 9:56 pm
Me too Thyna, and the way things are going I'm going to need to talk about some things fairly soon.
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