We're not Crazy, We're just Catholic. | Page 1 | Subforum for Random Stuff | Guild Forums

garra_eyes
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Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:35 pm

So, I found a group of face book called, We're not Crazy, We're just Catholic. This was in the description. I thought it was rather amusing, so I'm posting it here. Feel free to add onto the list.

Quote:

Reasons why people think we're "crazy"

- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

- It's not merlot and Ritz they're serving; it's the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.

- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos they're always selling after Mass

- Purgatory.

- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.

- Infant Baptism isn't dumb; it's after-life insurance.

- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has just hit the lottery.

- A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

- The signs we make aren't just a mark of respect, they're a lot of fun to do.

- Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. THis is because they really want to hug during "Peace Be With You" and hold hands for the "Our Father"

- We really like statues. A lot.

- Contraceptives? Why?

- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

- We've always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said...

- "Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday".

- The Mass doesn't start for a few minutes not because of tardy parisihioners. It's because the priest is running late.

- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don't treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.

- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

- St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. SNAKES.

- John Paul II's death was as important to you as losing a family member.

- Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

- The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.

- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We're a little stubborn.

- Catholic School Girls.

- Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

- The Catholic Our Father is different. And longer. And better.

- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we'll still read it if nothing else is goin on.

- "Offer it up!" = "Quit bitching!"

- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

- You've slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.

- Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

- There's no way to explain it, but Catholic girls are just scorching hot.

- There's no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

- It's not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

- Boondock Saints is the greatest movie ever. E-Ver.

- Confession. Enough said.

- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.

- Who created Family Guy? Oh yeah, a Catholic!

- Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You"

- The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it's way more interesting than Joel Osteen's suit and tie.

- If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him... he's not praying. He's hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.

- Even though you never met her or been to a country she's been in, you're still willing to have "seen" a miracle by Mother Theresa.

- We're the oldest Christian religion. Period.

If you appreciated, chuckled or even smiled at some of these, you're not a wacko. You're just probably a member of the one of the oldest and largest religions in the world. Open to all Catholics around the world.

Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:52 pm

Here are some other things from this group:

Wierd questions that people have asked you about being Catholic

Why do you guys do lunges before you sit in the pews?

Do you have to sit on the priest's lap durring confession?

Why is the priest making out with the bible? (durring Mass)

rofl

garra_eyes
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SinfulGuillotine
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:25 am

Hahahaha. All that is brilliant.

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:20 pm

whee
Catholic humour makes me tingle inside.
rolleyes

Nemithena
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Hikarmine

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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:20 pm

Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You"

rofl

I'm going to find this group and join it!

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:36 pm

Hikarmine

Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You"

rofl

It really is true, though....

Nemithena
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Hikarmine

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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:23 pm

I'm guilty of saying it. xd

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 6:56 pm

I say that too.
I'm also guilty of slipping an "Amen" in after the pledge of allegiance. whee

garra_eyes
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Rhiannon_Larae

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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:01 am

Lol, my cousins aren't 20 and 20, but 5 on my dad's side, and then 40+ish on my mom's side, so it balances out. whee
(yeah, my dad's side aren't breeders... sweatdrop )

"Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday."
ROFL, I'll have to remember that!
...though wouldn't it be sin on friday, and confess on saturday so that you're all nice and pure for communion on sunday?

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 10:15 am

I have seriously considered producing Latin subtitles for the Star Wars movies. Although I gave up the idea because my Latin is terrible.

Can't you just see it, though?

Emperor Palpatine: "Bene! Odium te fortem fecit. Iam fatum tuum adimple et stationem patris tui ad laterem meum assume!"
Luke Skywalker: "Numquam erit. Numquam factionem tenebrosam advertam. Jedi sum, sicut pater meus."

[thingie]

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Wumbo Ragamuffin

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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:33 pm

Not to mention:
We're not reterded.Chritsmass kast untill january 6.That's why the decoration are still upor at least that's my excuse

You can tell alll the good catholics/ The Thy're all i shape from going to daily mass.
We're used to boring lectures(Also callled "Homilies")

Pick something and we tell you who's the patron saint of it(Did you even know that' there's a patron saint for christ mass decorators? St.Lucy.)

Seal of confession=if you tell someone you straight to hell...
Catholics are immune to couhing around smoke...Perks of using incense.

We invevnted the Gregorian calendar.

When we see a ,man in white robes and a pointy hat,we don't say"OMG IT';S THE KKK!" we say"OMG IT'S THE POPE!"

we're flame retardent (See the catholic moments thread)

We're good at carrying poles...

If you give us a name with "St." In front of it we can give you a biography.

we have good excuses for not going to school/work
Example"Oh,I had to go to mass yesterday.It was the solemnity of the feast of the day Jesus first started eating solid food."
If you want to see a Work of art,go to your nearest(Old)Catholic church.

We like gold...A lot.
we can sell almost anything(Candles,masses,used toilet paper)

If you see price gouging,It's probably a catholic behing it.
Example;"It costs five dollars to light a candle now?! forget that,I'm lighting mine at St.Malachy's"
AND "It costs five dollars for a tank of gas?! forget that,I'm getting mine at Citgo"

If someone gives you a body part for your birthday,you say"Thanks for the Relic!"

If you come to mass on the right day you can get free stuff!(Ashes,palms,candles)
We can throw water at you and not get sued because we call it the asperges.

We;re the only people who strt their worship by prclaiming how terrible we are.

Catholic kids get two wedding outfits.One when they have their first communion,and the other wehn they get married.

when you see a whole bunch of people fallig to thir knees ina dangerous neighborhood,it's not because of bullets,It's a corpus christi procession.

We get presents thre timea year:Birthdays,baptisms,and patron sint days(Or at least inmy neighbor hood they do)

We do uber good at pulling off all black.

In a catholic churhc,once the sermon get's bad,there's lots of stuff to look at to keep you entertained.

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:22 pm

There are over 10,000 Catholic Saints, each having performed at least 3 miracles. That means that, within the last 2000 years, there have been over 30,000 miracles in the Catholic Church. (not counting the miracle that takes place in the Mass every Sunday)
No, we're not Crazy. We're Catholic.

garra_eyes
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psy_annie

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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:17 pm

Our Heaven. It has Riverdance, piñatas, and pasta. ninja

*stupid reference to the 3 races that practice mostly Catholicism*

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 12:33 am

garra_eyes

I say that too.
I'm also guilty of slipping an "Amen" in after the pledge of allegiance. whee

Off topic but you reminded me of a story. smile

A few years ago, the Reduced Shakespeare Company was performing "All the Great Books Abridged" and I got to go see them. They start off by leading the "class" with the Pledge of Allegiance....this happening when there was a big todo about "Under God" possibly being removed from the Pledge.

I pledge allegience to the flag of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation under nothing in particular *audience giggles here*
Indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

*audience drops out*

For ever and ever Amen.

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Kanti 3000

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Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:21 am

Wumbo Ragamuffin

We like gold...A lot.
we can sell almost anything(Candles,masses,used toilet paper)

You forgot to mention tortillas

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