This is the first chapter of a peice of writing I'm working on at the moment...
It would be realy helpfull if you could read t through and tell me where I could improve, i.e, if you think I need more description anywhere.








The oz


Mrs. Colton’s lessons were always boring, and it was always hard to stay on track of the lesson- not that many people tried. But today it was especially, difficult. It was Friday, but for the fist time she was going to her best friends house. Lucy’s home life was something of a mystery; Sophie knew that she had two brothers, who looked after her; but that was the extent of her knowledge. Lucy had joined their school in December of her first year in secondary school, and only now, two years later had she invited Sophie back to her home. Lucy never spoke about either of her brothers, and they never turned up for parents evening. People joked saying that the school prodigy actually lived in a box on the edge of the city, but the rumors were created out of jealousy. Lucy was described by the teachers as ‘a brilliant student’, and by the students as the princess of the school, not just because of her good looks. Sophie turned to study her best friend, Lucy was sat twisting a strand of her long blond hair around her middle finger, a habit, she had learned, which meant she was thinking hard.

Lucy sensed herself being watched, and looked up to meet her friend in the eye, and smiled. “Are you looking forward to visiting our mad house?” she joked, Sophie chuckled. Lucy always referred to her home as a mad house. “I’m sure its not a mad house, but yes I am looking forward to it- this will be the first time I meet you brothers”
Lucy smiled again, just then the bell went; signaling the end of the day. Everyone got up to leave and made their way to the door.

Lucy made her way to the lockers, aware of Sophie’s presence by her side. She was worried about what her friend would think of her ‘home’, but it was about time she knew the truth about her family. Putting her books away and closing her locker she turned to Sophie. “Did you bring your bike?” Sophie nodded “it’s in the bike locks, so we’re biking to yours? How long will it take?” They were now heading in the direction of the bike locks, which were situated on the other end of the school. “It’s quite a ride, but my brothers couldn’t be spared today to come pick me up, it’s about an hours bike ride. So I guess it’s a good thing you’re staying over tonight” “An hour? I didn’t realize you lived so far out of town!” Lucy turned and grinned “You’re not starting to believe those rumors about my box are you?” The girls just laughed, and set off.

Their bike ride took then over the city borders, and into the surrounding country side. Lucy new where she was going, but Sophie’s could imagine herself getting hopelessly lost if she ever tried to cycle the route alone. The route took them through a small forest, and towards the sea. “How close are we to the sea now? We must be close by now”
Lucy’s only answer was to chuckle quietly and tease “You’ll see soon, we’re nearly there” As they rounded a corner, a large gate came into view. As Lucy approached, it automatically opened, and the pair had cycled through by the time it closed again. Lucy pulled her bike to a stop, and turned to watch her friend’s reaction. Much to her amusement, Sophie was stood with her mouth open and gaping, at the scene in front of her.

“This is Hastings zoo?! The last time I came here I was just a little girl. So you live here?” Lucy actually smirked. “I don’t just live here, my brothers and I are the owners, and we run this place- with the help of a couple of friends of course. Shall we get going to the house then?” Sophie, who was still in slight shock, just followed, wheeling her bike after Lucy. They went around the edge of the zoo, following its boundaries. Eventually they reached a large farmhouse. Sophie looked up with a smile, “So this is where you live, not what I imagined” Lucy grinned again, and leant her bike against the wall of the house. “Leave your bike here, its fine- it won’t get stolen so don’t worry” Sophie just put the bike down, picked up her bags off the front basket and carried them through the front door.

The door led to a small farm style kitchen, with large wooden beams across the top of the ceiling, creating a homely feel to the room. To her right was the kitchen counters, and appliances, and to her left the floor indented slightly to create an eating area. Opposite the door, was a large staircase, leading to the upper floors, and past that was a corridor, leading round a corner and out of sight. Lucy beckoned her in, and looked out the windows with a sigh. “It looks like we got here just in time, its clouding over” Sophie looked out and nodded in agreement, it was going to be a storm night. Lucy turned and picked up her friends bags, and carried them over to the stairs. “My room is up here; after we dump your stuff I’ll give you a tour, ok?” “Sounds great”

Lucy led her up the stairs, onto a large landing which surrounded the stairs. There were six rooms on this level, but Sophie couldn’t see another flight of stairs, even though she had counted three flours from outside. Lucy took her into the third room on the right; the sign on the door had her name on it in pink and swirl writing. Inside it could only have been a girls’ room, covering the floor was a pink carpet, and the walls were various shades of purple. On top of the wardrobe, which was along the same wall as the door, was a very large amount of cuddly toys. The bed was a double, and pushed into the corner, and then there was a desk, and dressing table. Lucy put the bags down next to the bed, and turned happily to her friend. “Shall we go on that tour then?”

The house proved to be larger than it appeared out side, the second floor had two bathrooms, and the four large bedrooms, which accommodated Lucy, her older brothers and two of his friends. Downstairs was the kitchen, a large lounge, study, and toilet and games room. By the time she had been thoroughly shown around the house, it was about six pm, and both girls were slightly hungry. “You said you had two brothers, does the other one not live here then?” Lucy shrugged, “he occupies the entire top floor, and likes his privacy. He had a descending stair case, that only he can open, so I’ll take you up there later, but in the mean time shall we order some pizza?”

The pizza was going to take about an hour to arrive, so the girls sat in Lucy’s room, chatting and trying to play twister, but failing miserably with just two people. Sophie looked up as they heard a male voice downstairs call Lucy’s name. Lucy looked at Sophie, as she made her way to the door. “Looks like you’re gonna get to meet my big bro now, come on” Sophie leapt to her feet, and eagerly followed Lucy downstairs; at the bottom stood a tall, but young looking man. He had broad shoulders, and a broad smile to go with them. He grinned up at them, as they descended. He was holding a pizza box up, so that it was level with his face. “Yours I presume?” Lucy grinned back, “Thanks for paying, now hand over the pizza. Oh- by the way this is Sophie, my friend from school. She’s staying the night. Sophie, this is my big bro Tony, he’s the oldest one living here.” Tony smirked, “Which also means I am the head of the household” “Along with the moron” put in Lucy. “Hand over the pizza” “only if I get a piece,” He turned to Lucy and handed her the pizza, and she took it over to the worktop to cut up and serve. Tony then looked at Sophie with a smile “so, you’re the one I’ve heard so much about, is she a bad child at school?” Sophie laughed “no not at all, if anything she’s a goody
-goody, isn’t that right Lucy?” Lucy looked up as she brought the pizza over to the table, and set it down. “Yup, come on, before it either gets cold or eaten” As they each pulled a slice over to themselves the door opened, and a boy walked in. he must have been around 15 or 16, so about a year older than herself. He was wearing a pair of worn out jeans, and a brown jacket of some description. As he walked in, Sophie dropped her pizza in shock at his appearance. His face was nothing like Tony’s, while Tony was good looking, this new person made him look plain in comparison. Sophie had to stop herself from staring; while Lucy and Tony just watched her face in pure amusement. Lucy poked her friends arm and said “this is my other brother, Leiard, call him lee for short.”



Lee looked at the site in front of him. His sister and brother were both grinning like Cheshire cats, and the other girl, Lucy’s friend presumably, was sat staring wide eyed at him, her pizza long forgotten and face down on her plate. Feeling slightly self conscious under her gaze, he silently moved through the room, and made his way upstairs. He made his way across the landing to the switches that activated the stairway to his room. Making them drop, he made his way into his bedroom. Once there, he closed the staircase off again, and flopped onto his sofa. So, he thought to himself, she is Lucy’s friend from school. She seems alright, but I still don’t like the idea of her staying the night. But it’s unfair for Lucy if she can’t have her friends around. We’ll just have to be careful. At that moment, Tigger appeared at his side. The large Siberian tiger nuzzled his nose into Lee’s face, making a low growling sound when his affection was unreturned. Lee smiled, and gently rubbed the creature between the ears. There was something soothing about having animals around. He had always had Tigger, right from his birth, he had raised the tiger. Now he couldn’t imagine life without him. The tiger was just about to settle himself down next to his beloved owner, when lee got to his feet and moved to the window. Outside it was pouring with rain and thunder was mixed in with the constant pouring sound. Maybe I should make an effort to get to know this girl; she seems nice enough; If not a little weird. Why was she looking at me like that?



The next morning and the rain had cleared, leaving outside feeling fresh and clear. Lee woke up early, and went to do his morning check up on the animals before their feeding. By the time he got back from the feeding the two girls were sat eating a breakfast of pancakes and waffles, and Tony was stood over the oven watching another batch. Tony turned to him and offered a pile of pancakes to him. “Hungry?” Lee thankfully accepted the plate of food, and sat down next to Lucy. Glancing up, he caught Sophie’s eye, her response was to immediately drop the piece of pancake she had been holding. She’s a bit clumsy, that’s the second time I’ve seen her drop her food. Or is it just me? From then on, he just concentrated on his breakfast. “Hey, lee-lo, will you give Soph a tour of the Zoo? Pleeeeeeaaaasssssse?” Lucy had finishes eating, and was now leant up against his arm, with pleading eyes in place. “Come on, you know this place the best, and you’re the best with the animals.” Lee finished eating, and calmly put his knives and fork down. “We’ll see. I am busy this morning; there are shows until 11.00am so I’m occupied until then. If you meet me at the oz I’ll give her a tour after I’m finished.” With that he got up, and started out towards his room. But Lucy jumped to her feet, and beckoned Sophie to follow. “come on Soph, you can take a look at his room while he’s here” She didn’t give anytime for Sophie to responds as she grabbed her hand, a and led her upstairs at full speed. Leiard sighed and followed his exited sister and her friend. Once he got the control panel out, and the stair case was descending, both girls were grinning from ear to ear. He rolled his eyes and stepped past them to walk upstairs. Two pair followed a little more cautiously than him, but as soon as they entered the room, Sophie was squealing in surprise.

Sophie looked around with a small gasp. This room was massive, and the ceiling was so high… Lieard had put all sorts of furniture around the edge of the room; desks, worktops, benches, sofas and bookshelves. Everywhere had something interesting on it. Bu opposite was the most interesting part of the room. His bed was built into the wall, and was about three meters up the wall, with a simple rope ladder leading up to it. Under the bed was a large desk, with a couple of disassembled computers strewn across it. He turned to regard her with a bored expression on his face. “Now you have looked, can you leave to let me get changed?” At that moment, a large animal of some description got up behind him. The tiger calmly rose up from the sofa it had been sleeping on, and made its way over. Lucy called Tigger over, whilst Sophie just stood in shock. “y-you have a pet t-tiger?” Lee regarded her curiously, “he’s not dangerous, now please can you all get out? I’m in a rush”

Lucy and Sophie shuffled out, and the ‘door’ closed automatically. He changed into some suitable swimming gear, he needed to check the gates to the oz before the show, he didn’t want any wild animals in there while the crowds were around. Now changed, he set out, Tigger accompanying him.

Outside Sophie turned to Lucy and asked “What’s the OZ? Not the wizard of oz I hope?” “It stands for Ocean zone, it’s the water based part of the zoo, it’s a massive underwater enclosure where we keep the marine animals, it connects to the ocean and has glass panels under water so visitors can view the marine life from the safety of land, we also have underwater heaters so we can keep animals like dolphins and octopus in there despite the weather. The shows are really good, we should go and watch one, did you see one when you last came?”

She shook her head. “I can’t remember to be honest, I was too little. How long have your family been in charge of this place then?” Lucy shrugged “it was my parents before ours, but we never got a chance to ask them before they died. But it’s been at least 14 years.” Lucy turned suddenly. “How do’ya feel about riding a quad up there?” She asked playfully, she then turned and energetically ran to a large barn, which was to the left of the farm house.


Leiard walked calmly through the already busy crowd, all he needed to do was check the gates that opened to the wild, and then he could get on with the show. Stepping through the barriers that kept to visitors from getting any closer to the water, he sat down and put on a pair of flippers. Having already changed into the swimming shorts and baggy t-shirt he always went swimming in, he closed his eyes and dived in. The water was familiarly cold, he had dived in here so many times, he sometimes felt more at home in the water than on land. Right now he knew, almost by instinct, that if he turned right he would be heading to the deeper, more dangerous end of the oz, if he carried go going he would take about 7 minutes to hit the other side, and if he turned left and swam for about 5 minutes he would reach the gates to the oz. The gates were what separated the oz from the ‘wild sea’, as the inhabitants of the oz liked to call it. Every night it was opened so that those creatures that wished to go could and those that wished to enter could. Leiards unusual gifts made it possible for him to communicate with these new guests as soon as they arrived, ensuring that they were going to keep to the no killing, unless for food rule. Kicking off from the side, he swam directly left towards the gates. As he arrived he saw they had failed to close properly, leaving enough room for a small shark to get through if it tried hard enough, he expanded his senses, trying to sense if any had entered. Much to his relief he only found his friends curiosity and anxiety for the upcoming show. He searched up and down the gates, trying to find what had stopped them from closing properly. He sighed, upon finding a large waste barrel, trapped near the top. The waste dumpers were back again. He swam to the gates controls, and released them so that they opened. The barrel fell to the ground. In all honesty he wondered why it hadn’t been crush, as most did, but once he tried to move it, he found out why. This one was filled with concrete. He was going to need help in shifting it. He sent out a mental call to Jinx.

It didn’t take long for Jinx to arrive, the giant sea octopus wrapped six of its eight legs around the barrel, and lifted it out the boundaries of the oz. Once Jinx returned Lee closed the gates once more, and thanked his friend. He then swam back up to the surface. The crowd would be growing impatient; he was a little late today. When he surfaced, the air chilled him a little, it was early spring, but it still felt like late winter. As he stepped out, the crowd cheered louder, they were now aware that the show was about to start.

He stepped out on to the risen platform at the front of the water. The crow fell silent as he attached the microphone and gathered their attention. Stood in the crowd was Lucy and Sophie. Sophie watched in amazement as the sea animals performed tricks, at what seemed like the twist of his will, all he had to do was a small hand gesture and the dolphins would flip, or the sea lions all come to the surface. It was truly amazing