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Truth Be Told

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horror bull

PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 7:58 pm



This is part of a book I was writing.
Critique?



Carolyn/Carrie ~ Queen/Princess of Aryithia
Adriana ~ Carrie’s Best Friend, Princess of Elves
Maria – Housemaid & Cook
Hilda – Fairy of Gifts
Peter ~ King of Aryithia
Stephan ~ Prince of -------
Boris – Manservant



On my fifth birthday, I was happily talking with Mother, and this woman I knew named Hilda came over. We weren’t very close but she was known all over Aryithia, I didn’t know then but now I know it was because she is a fairy, a weird one at that. Well, every first-born in my family got the “gift” of truthfulness. We received the gift at age five. She opened her pink bag and took out a wand. She tapped my head and said, “You shall always be truthful. Hmmf…where’s that cake?” Immediately, I pointed to it and replied, “On the table.” I had heard from Mother that I would receive this gift but I never believed her. Mother hugged me and tried to cheer me up, for I was sobbing, “Carrie, honey, I told you, I wanted you to prepare for it. I have the gift but I don’t need it. I am always truthful. And you should always be truthful too. Well you will always be truthful.” Mother had the gift because she first-born. She also had no brothers and inherited the throne from her parents, King Henry and Queen Katherine of Aryithia. I called them Grandfather and Grandmother because that’s what they were to me. I was Princess Carolyn of Aryithia; I much preferred to be called Carrie. I stared at Hilda; she was eating a lot of cake. She was very plump and wore all pink, like a strawberry. I only cried because usually if you try to go against the gift she would give you another. But Hilda did scare me.
Grandmother came to Mother and asked, “She gave her the gift didn’t she Carolyn?”
“Correct.”, Mother replied.
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 11:53 am


I like it so far. The "gift" is pretty rotten and will make for a good conflict. The only thing I didn't much like is that there are no paragraphs and it is right-aligned, instead of left-aligned or centered, which makes it difficult to tell where a new paragraph has been started. But please, continue. 3nodding

Cherished Strawberries

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Domerin Thompson

PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2007 9:15 am


Reminds me a bit of Ella Enchanted except she was given the gift of obidance. Personally, I'm not interested much in it, but I guess from an objective view it looks alright. Just please format the paragraphs.

Orishmasu
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