Welcome to Gaia! ::

Quotes that my and other teachers at my school have made at some point or another. ...We have odd teachers.

"Look teacher, my lab partner's on fire!"

"Volunteers?!? No volunteers?!?!? Pick 'em!!!"

"Sniffing white powder in chemistry class"

"cooked two turkeys, one for my girlfriend... and one for the rest of the guests"

"Don't lean back in you chair. If you hurt yourself, I'd have to fill out an accident report form. It would say 'student leaned back in chair. legs slipped. student hit head on back desk and died.' If I had to fill out an accident report form, I'd rather fill out one more interesting, like 'student tried to put bottle of sulfuric acid on top shelf. it fell off and hit student on head. student dissolved on spot.' because then I'd get to use all sorts of chemistry terms."

"Death report forms are rather short. I'm not worried about that."

"We used to have about 20lbs of arsenic and 20lbs of cyanide. I was keeping it in case I got mad at a small country somewhere. We got rid of it so it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands."

"There are birth control patches for guys as well."

"let's stop this philosophizing and get down to what's really important in this school... IDs!!!" <-- our school is *mildly* obsessive over student IDs

"The good news is.. the markers smell really strong"

"I'm gonna smoke drugs at the appropriate point..."

"like the chlorophyll in plants make food.. he has that with pot

"She uses happy faces... that biatch!"

"The chair and I, we have this relationship.."

"I didn't get to finish my haircut with the lady who started because the police took her away."

"Hey, have you guys ever heard.. of syphilis?"

"Why are you here?!? Are you trying to steal the learning?"

"In the end, had I broken the window, I would have had to kill everyone in the room."

"Quieres una mujer que quita la ropa" [you want a woman that takes off her clothes]

I don't know, you can dress your hand up in a dress and everything... It can be pretty convincing.

Oh... um... Fine! I DID IT AND I'M PROUD! There! I said it! My hand just looks so good in a miniskirt!

...Funny Gaia quotes are in my journal.

But the only ones I can think of from real life are:

"Um... we just killed hundreds of helpless plants for our summer project. Isn't that against the law?" "I don't think the cops will come after you for vegicide."

"Please don't point the sharp ends of the compasses at your neighbors."

*this was today*
Bio teacher: "You guys are going to need to be able to identify your frog tomarrow. Wrap it in paper towels and write a name on it- your name, the frog's name..."
Me: "Wait, we can name the frog?"
Teacher: "Sure, as long as you can find it tomarrow."
Me: *shifty-eyes and promptly scribbles "Mary, Queen of Scots" on the paper towels containing the partially dissected frog, then takes it to the front of the classroom*
Teacher: "Mary, queen of Scots... A historical reference, I don't think we've had one of those before."
Me: "Well, I didn't figure anyone else would pick the name."
Teacher: "True. You can drop her royal highness in the bucket now."

Noes! You stole it from me!

"Google is elgoog backwards. Meaning el goog. Meaning it is mexican! Meaning it must have crossed the border and do contrcution work in my yard."

- an argument of why it is good to serach construction on google

Ubuntu???

I dunno, can I trust you?

Ah, that is the way to go! Word is law unless someone knows what they are talking about.